Issue : People : Enervare

Transference is a game about perspective.

This game is alright, it's like someone played Night Trap and took it seriously. So Fortnight cleared 3 billion in revenue? Or profit across all platforms? Whatevs, still nice. Tencent must be happy, it bought forty per cent stake in Epic for about eight hundred twenty-five million a few years back, right before Fortnight switched gears into a Battle Royale style.

Fun fact, Tencent also owns a stake in Bluehole, the makers of PLAYERUNKNOWNS: BATTLEGROUNDS. They are looking to double down for about four hundred seventy odd million, making them the second largest shareholder in the second largest battle royale game in the world, and the largest in the first. All bases covered.

Fortnight is getting ready to actually launch in China, if not for that nasty regulatory battle going on. I'm sure that will make the game more monies. Sucks for Blizzard though, China is being really rough with them, and also Activision-Blizzard fans, and also Activision, and also the ravages of time on a legacy. The "Live long enough to see yourself become the villain" theory is alive and well in Blizzard halls.

China says, "We won't let you sell games here because your player base is toxic."

Activision-Blizzard responds,  "Yeah, well you weren't complaining when gold farming in WoW comprised half of Chinas GDP."

China responds, "Cute. But we will ban you here and let Tencent run the table, what you got for us?"

Activision-Blizzard responds, "Fine, we will open two Overwatch franchises in China. Happy?"

China responds, "Fortnight is popular and makes money, no one plays Overwatch as much as you talk about overwatch. What else you have?"

Activision-Blizzard responds, "We are releasing a mobile Diablo ga--"

China responds, "Let me stop you there, we read the news."

Activision-Blizzard responds, "Fuck man, what do you want us to do then?"

China responds, "Fix your toxic player base like we said at the start."

Activision-Blizzard responds, "You understand that is impossible right? People gonna people."

China responds, "It's easy, you just shame them."

Activision-Blizzard, "Americans have no shame, check Instagram for proof."

China, "We know, but try anyway."

Activision-Blizzard, "Ok sir."

Then all of the sudden Battle.net ID's are integrated into Twitch and Overwatch Pros get a wall of shame and it all looks eerily like the Social Credit System China has implemented but applied to gaming which is great for everyone because if it gets adopted without revolt then toxic problem solved for China and if it doesn't then oh well its just Overwatch, they still own Fortnight.

Oh right anyway Transference is fine for what it is. Oh and also shouts to information and rest in peace TC rest in peace Tall T love is smart hate is dum as fuck you already know oh and also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape: Issue: Games: Nervus

Issue : People : Frenetic

Skater XL is a game about evolution.

I guess... Maybe to kids not raised on golden age Tony Hawk, this looks hype. To me, this shit looks somewhere between Thrasher Skate and Destroy for the PS2 and OlliOlli shot by Grant Brittan after a few drinks. Whatever, an open market is an open market.

Speaking of, wow, Facebook sold your data to the highest bidder. Tell me more about the shit that has been in their EULA since the beginning. Wanting FB gone is so 2011, wanting FB gone without understanding how ingrained in the sediment of the modern internet the organization is silly as fuck.

That is not how Pandora gets all that music back into the box. It's out and flying and now that the recipe has been perfected the employees of silicon valley high will be spreading punk rock market strategies into question marks at different companies under different names with different "don't be evil" logos with different morally autistic CEO's selling friendship using platform systems that were literally the reasons they had no friends irl.

The journalists are smelling blood, but where? They are just hurt and desperate for the public to listen to them again, just once, just on one thing, just desperate as hell, the sad old grumpy good men and women they are. They never learned how to play when the truth wasn't the end all be all objective. The truth will be fine, as it always will be, it's just sleeping.

Politicians sound insane when talking about technology, no way to sugar coat it. It's basically witchcraft to them. Banks are this close to coming out of the closet as libertarian and legit hiding physical money in mattresses from this "Crypto cloud" their nerdy cousin told them about on Thanksgiving in Turks.

And the people that run tech these days were basically bad by default. Been running the table so long against people so convinced they had it figured out that by the time it all comes out the public is so addicted to the service they would use the service or subsurface of the service to revolt against the service.

Politicians are made by the service and slaves to the service by way of votes and data, so they would ask the service how to properly market against the service on the service without hurting the feelings of the service, and business will continue to make money hand over fist with the service till the service don't do nothing for them no more. Cause business only has one true god, the internet is just another vessel the holy ghost travels in. They come and go.

Also, what happens when all the rubes don't have social media no more? Idle minds etc... etc... Keep them logging into echo chambers and describing shadows on the wall. Please. The alternative is just... yikes.

So yeah, bad company got caught being bad, and? Oh wait is Skater XL the mobile game that ooooh ok now I remember that game is not bad. Heard it's launching on Steam early access tomorrow. Nice. Also rest in peace TC rest in peace Tall T love is smart hatred is dum these are big facts also go out there and do great things, I really really fucking believe in you. Serious. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue: Games: Phrentitis  

Issue : Games : Millefleur

Headliner: NoviNews is a game about linear design.

It's a game about the news. It's good, I dunno what else to say.

Anyway, so we just saw That new Spider-Man film... It was very good. Dare I say the best of the Spider-man films. It was made by Sony, go figure.

Fuck it, I got nothing. Have to pack for Japan. Peace. Also All the shit I normally say, also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape: Issue : People: Flowars

Issue :Games: Epitome

ATOM: RPG is a game about Fallout.

A long time ago to a kid and a short time ago to an old fuck I worked at this place that made home cameras where you could spy on like, your dog, or babies, or maybe a burglar if they broke into your house and stood in a place that hit the angle of the where you set the teddy bear on the nightstand or whatever.

I dunno, I wasn't in marketing then so I don't remember what the c-suite claimed they were used for, I just tested them. To reiterate, this was a long time ago, before the time that these type of cameras became popular, then prevalent. This was back when people assumed they had some kind of right to privacy, so all of this was like, "Wait what now?"

Most complaints were about masturbating. People were seriously worried that the camera would catch them masturbating so they wanted to know how to turn it off whenever they wanted so they could masturbate and then just turn it back on so they could catch their significant other cheating.

I never found the bug. I mean the easy fix is if you got it set up in the bedroom just jack off in the bathroom. I guess the problem was for super paranoid people that had them everywhere. I don't know, I just threw away the tickets. That was actually the problem with the company as a whole, thinking back, a distinct lack of respect for ethics when it comes to technology.

The company didn't seem to be that worried about if they should do something, or if it was legal. They were of the mind that they just made the stuff, they had a legal team that made sure that the wording in the EULA was solid in that no shit was on them, and it was just a matter of how hi-fidelity was the image of that dude your lady was caught with, divorce courts loved this company, bankrolled a lot of Lawyers' Barbados trips, I imagine.

I got fired because of my big mouth, yet again. Asked one of the C-levels if they had ever been spied on privately and if so how did it feel. he said no, I presented him with the raw reel of the cameras I had placed all over the fucking building, to test.

As I was being escorted off the premises the security guard told me, " Ma nigga, you really go out of your way to prove a point." I responded, "Nah, I just needed a Christmas break."

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, ATOM: RPG. It's fallout, basically. Which means its fuckin' dope. It's coming out of early access this week. Check it out, or don't, whatever. Also shouts to information also r.i.p TC r.i.p Tall T, love is wise hatred is foolish, go out and do great things, I believe in you, and jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape: Issue : Games: Precis

Issue : Games: Vitiate

War of Rights is a game about unions.

A gaming union is an easy thing to want, but a hard thing to accomplish. I am proud of the folks in the UK working to make it happen. Brave souls stepping up to the line and taking a shot. It's gonna be a funny feeling for them when they look back and no one else is behind them, but everyone is giving them heart emojis from the safety of their jobs.

Because that is life right now in the video game industry, everyone knows it is fucked up, with the overtime, zero-hour contracts, lack of inclusion, systemic misogyny, and all of the rapes, but that is just, like, life to most of these folks. The squeaky wheel gets the grease and all of that.

Publishers and developers are gonna fight for the southern way of life, global corporations are gonna fight, the tech industry is def gonna fight because that is what gaming is at the end of the day, a sub-sect of the big bad.

And the people, they are gonna fall in line, because no matter how tired of the status quo they are they are more tired of fighting and losing to the status quo because no one helps them when the chips are down.

Back in the day unions got started because it was a life or death thing, people were being worked to death, pay was horrible-bad. Whole families were being affected, no one respects video games enough to even understand the problem, let alone devote energy past "thoughts and prayers" to fix it. Right now it's like unionizing against mass shootings in the states. Who wouldn't want to, but also who would want to risk getting mass shot over it?

I care about this particular issue, especially for my QA family in the States. Maybe I should put my money and network where my mouth is on this one. But then again I have been banished to the island of broken toys, so what can I do? Good question.

Shouts to information, rest in peace TC, rest in peace Tall T. Love is wise hatred is foolish, the UK is out there doing great things, we should all take notice. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape: Issue: People: Vice

Issue : Games : Nidus

Artifact is a game about small talents.

Artifact launched in late November and died in early December. That's just the way things go here now. Did the world need another card game, "Sure, why not, said Valve." It's something to do, I guess. It's only gonna get worse from here for big companies. I think it is as it should be. I have been hurting for a while when it comes to video games. Why shouldn't they?

I feel like publishers and developers lost touch with the audience, I feel like eyes have been larger than stomachs, I feel like the industry has been rotting from the inside thanks to toxicity. It's been a solid decade, something had to give.

Riot's COO received a two-month suspension for habitual harassment. That's normal. C-Suite antics are legendary in video game workplace life, it's just how things go, part of the culture. If you are not a culture fit, as in, you don't like to be molested at work or things of the like, it's not gonna go well. You will find yourself outside of the industry looking in, no suspensions for grunts.

I never thought I would be the type of person to hope all falls apart, but when you feel so helpless for so long, wow do you root for what was once the bad guy. You just didn't understand the bad guy was the good guy and there are no good guys and it shoudn't be all guys and freedom isn't really free for all. Then you do, but by the time you do, it's too late.

I assume the game industry will chase its own tail till it runs out of money, or friends, or autonomy. Or some version of the three. Which is fine, because games will somehow live on without all of the money and the whatnot.

Artifact isn't a game Valve should have bothered making. The worst people in the company should not be the bosses. Publishers and Developers shouldn't run esports, it's a conflict of interest. People that legitimately care about video games should be able to find and keep work. Rank and file employees should have a voice in the industry to protect them. Fans should be taken seriously. None of that is happening, so this is why this is happening.

Maybe we will all get better next year.

Shouts to information, rest in peace TC, rest in peace Tall T, love is wise, hatred is foolish, get out there and do great things. I believe in you, I really do. Need a tank, you know where to find me. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue: People: Nebulous

Issue : Games : Perennial

Gris is a game about metastasis.

Signs on the wall point to esports battening down the hatches for next year. Blizzard is getting out of the HoTS business, majors like Fox and Optic are scaling back, China cut half the world off, and street fighter is still pressing buttons. But esports is doing fine, just check your Linkedin account, it's gonna take over any year now.

Old heads look at all of this going on and say, "Yep, esports is gonna be fine, shouts to antifragility, but all of these companies that are getting funded on some imaginary payout in two years, nah."

Let's look at Heroes of the Storm for example. It planned on the continued success of the MOBA genre of game but once battle royale came along the writing was on the wall. Out of Dota, LoL, and Blizzard, one of them had to go, first. The rest will follow.

I am not mocking MOBA's but that has been the reality since the nineties. Fighting games lost ground to FPS which lost ground to MMO which lost ground to MOBA which lost ground to Battle Royale. Games cost millions of dollars to make and years of time to develop properly.

Battle Royale games started around 2012 with Minecraft and ARMA mods. They matured around 2015 with the H1Z1 and PUBG era into what they are now with Fortnight. That is about seven solid years of life for the style, which is on pace with the decade-long lifespan of a top-tier game genre. Just enough time for a generation in the pocket to adopt, grow up with, and move on from. Life of a mayfly.

So back to Heroes of the Storm. How late in the game they got into MOBA's sets them right on pace to make this move-out. The market doesn't care how popular you are, there is only so much energy, training, streamers, and time to invest in a type of game. Esports isn't what everyone thinks it is.

Either way, esports is gonna be just fine but I want esports to win the long game, I want the companies to grow, I want the players to make a living and be happy. But that will not happen in this current meta, where anyone and everyone is throwing bad money over good into the dreamer's pit.

Also shouts to info I see you out there, Also I forgot to talk about it sorry but Gris is dope please play it, also rest in peace TC, rest in peace Tall T, also get out there and do great things, make cool shit, be the good person. I believe in you, you got this. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape: Issue: People : Abiding

Issue : Games : Lunette

The Hex is a game about protagonists.

The Chinese government banned Fortnight. So what, right? China bans a lot of things. That is what the public is saying, but not the business entities that rely on the gaming ecosystem for year over year growth.

To them, this news makes them a casualty in the trade war going on that was inevitably going to evolve into a culture war. Had to happen.

Wasn't just Fortnight. The Chinese government's online ethics review committee had about twenty games on the chopping block. Some have been banned, like Fortnight and PUBG, some have been put on notice, like League of Legends and Overwatch.

Sucks to be Tencent right now; sucks to be NetEase, sucks to be the organizations from Chinese cities that went 20 mill in on the Overwatch league. Sucks to be Blizzard, who are going hard into mobile territory. Losing the China market is like losing the game in that arena. Oof.

So what happens now? Well, Huawei doesn't make a buck in the states with hardware or 5g. Apple can't manoeuvre on the cheap in Shengen anymore. Video game companies can't play global ball without each government having a say, taking a cut, or outright locking the gate. Companies can't make a unified sku and have to make a thousand little variations to each which costs money, so that means they can't afford to take chances so innovation stagnates.

Which episode of Black Mirror is this?

Winter came early, as it is want to do. The world has gone tribal, the global connection has exacerbated old global arguments like the aunties at the bbq who can't let go of the fact that one auntie got grandmas piano all those years ago, so no one gets to play it until we all figure out who the rightful owner is. Such is life.

Anyway, The Hex is a solid game, you should play it. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape: Issue: People: Cresentic 

Issue : Games : Slumgullion

FURI is a game about action arrangement.

People forget that the hard thing is not only hard, it's also expensive. Ubisoft did the hard thing a while back by auto-banning toxic players in Rainbow Six Seige. Today they did an abrupt about-face, claiming that the auto-ban feature was intrusive to the non-toxic part of the communities gameplay experience.

I cant... I just.... wow.

Any parent knows that the second you tell a kid they can't get ice cream they will throw a fit. You have to let the kid get through that because if you turn around and give the kid that ice cream, your word ain't your word anymore, it's a negotiation and that tantrum becomes the Trump card.

Ubisoft is one up-ing this by giving the kid the ice cream and explaining that it gave the ice cream to the bad kid because the good kid was traumatised by how the bad kid was behaving. For fuck sake.

There is an unspoken rule among gangsters, thieves, and other assorted criminals. The rule is, once you walk into Disneyland, you are off the clock. there are no shenanigans to be had there. It's the worlds largest and longest cease-fire area.

A crip and a blood spot each other walking around Futureland with their kids the most that pass is a cold stare, on dire occasions maybe some strong words. That happened because Disneyland took a hard stance on the issue. "If you misbehave, you will leave, and you are not welcome back." So in a sense, Disney is the biggest gangster because it played by gangster rules, as in, "My word is my word."

It took a long time to set, but it did set because Disney stuck to its guns, Disney understood there is more long-term yield in positive customers than negative, and because Disney offers a product so piff that any and every person that walks in there understands the hell they will catch if they are the one that got their kids kicked out of Disneyland.

Video games think toxicity is part of the culture, it's not. Video Games are a microcosm of society, almost all societies begin with toxicity because people accept what they can't change until they realise it has to in order to survive. Toxicity never survives to the survival stage of any society because when push comes to shove toxicity is not important to the machine. It's pineapple on pizza. 

I don't think video games will understand this until winter comes. Government regulation, oversight, and fines, is winter. If you were wondering. It's on its way, and honestly, at this point I get it.

Much like social media, the video game industry is getting bullied by its audience and just not showing that it is capable to stand up to itself, and there are children being put at real risk. There has been a lot of time to fix this problem, and reactive measures or blaming the victim isn't a long-term fix. Something's gotta give.

Shouts to information, I know the job search is hard. I'm going through it myself. Keep your head up, your eyes open, and don't give up. The industry needs you more than you know. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Gullion

Issue : Games : Immure

Hot Girls VR is a game about exactly what it says on the tin.

The VR conversation got real awkward, real quick, didn't it? A looot of money being thrown around those parts up until summer. Then a lot of people from startups being let go. Not heard a lot from Oculus or HTC in a hot minute.

Valve is just selling porn with it now, which is the smart move. Because the porn folks adopt early, adopt quietly, and never fade into the nut-stained night. VC's and the open public on the other hand...

Look, I don't know what to say. The tech market likes to quietly walk away from flops. Hardware gets ghosted like an awkward tinder hook up through stealth removal of the marketing collateral.

The tech industry is still too insecure to admit things fail. Products, business practices, the idea of open offices. They say things like, "It was successful, so successful we have pivoted our focus to other things." Ok.

It's ok to fail in new industries, folks. Maybe if we all take a deep breath and admit VR isn't adapting so well and is super expensive and the headsets hurt to wear and the games are bad and the software is buggy and maybe it is just not time for the tech to try for the mass market, maybe we could feel better about where the tech is today. Just a thought.

Did I play hot girls VR? Nah, it played me. I stand by that dad joke and it is what it is, information. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Entomb

Issue : Games : Galumph

Subnautica is a game about submergence.

I don't think anyone really wants Valve to fail or Epic to win. I think its more about people wanting Valve to have legitimate competition and people wanting Epic to have a legitimate value sell. Epic is entering the current meta promising Developers a larger cut of sales. That's cool and all, but we all know the issue for platforms hasn't been sales. The issue is curation.

Valve proved the business model thanks to a trial and error process and surviving tons and tons of hate. For the young boppers who were not around in the early-2000s when the service launched it was a total shitshow that everyone hated. No developer wanted to take a chance on them and no publisher trusted them. Now Valve has a different problem, they have become a victim of their own success.

There are simply too many games entering the service every day. Valve is now Ellis island and crooks are sneaking in and no one is waiting at the dock to greet the new members of the family. They kinda just throw things into a messy room and every once in a while make room in their above the fold scroll wheel for games not called "Assasins Call of Hitman Theft Auto Strike Farcry 10." (I would play that.)

Epic, instead of looking at this problem and entering the market with a solution, decided the move was to promise more money to any developer that decides to play ball with them. So far there is no indication they are even going to try to attract publishers as large at them. And I get that, at this point why try?

At least Valve is giving curation an attempt. They have a discovery queue, highlight titles trending among friends, and even implemented a curators section where so-called famous streamers dig through the mire for the vox populi to suggest diamonds in the rough. Is it working, lord knows, but its a direction.

So yeah, Epic is just another company trying a thing, a thing that is literally a cash grab because they are offering developers cash to grab in order to get them in the building. Epic isn't worried about cash to grab because they know they have at least a year and a half of profitability from Fortnight before they have to start scaling back and firing people because the bubble burst out of nowhere just like it does for ninety percent of meteoric rise games in that timeframe. Shit they haven't even launched the game yet, technically. What a world.

But I don't care who wins this war honestly, because I know how it ends.

Gaming companies will fight among themselves for market leadership until all of the hard work is done without realising the that this particular digital platform endeavour cannot be won by a publishing or gaming company because it is simply not in good business interests for any company allow a competing company to get even as powerful as Valve has by giving their product to the enemy.

It will be an outside force like Google that swoops in after the big battles and offers a simple compromise, "Let us sell them for you. We will direct people to your launchers to buy them. You guys get all the moneys. We will basically be hype men for you."

The companies say ok like dumbasses because money, without realising that Google types only care about the users, which are the true currency in any digital business focused on the economy of scale. Google gets known as the plug, and Valve and Epic are pushed out of the market by sheer force. Big fish eat little fish.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe not. Either way though, gamers will be able to discover and purchase video games digitally, and isn't that the point of all of this?

Anyway, shouts to information, can't wait to be lost with you at 5am in Kyoto. Also JErbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Tread  

Issue : Games : Approbation

Stellaris is a game about Paradox.

How did we get here? This cul-de-sac of commerce where gaming is rushing around a caustic marketplace serving anything and everything just to get it through the pass like a game of real-life Overcooked.

Early access is a synonym for releasing an unfinished game. DLC (downloadable content) is a synonym for releasing as a full release that promises to be finished later. Lootboxes are a synonym for gambling. "Optimising our structure." is a synonym for Merry Christmas.

It's all bad for the public, it's a struggle for c-level, but its absolute torture for the grunts. Hobbes wasn't fucking around when he described certain lives as "Solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short." Sounds like the average working day for any member of a games dev team, cept the short part.

It goes like this, let me pick on a member of the Art team for example. Say for example you are in charge of the team making player skins in an online FPS. The game is launched and doing really well, your team worked their asses off to get to launch and were just hoping and praying that the game sold well enough to survive the year.

It went well. Really well. The powers that be are over the moon, you are over the moon, the players are over the moon. Got a lot of cool characters in the game all with a distinct look, got a lot of content in the game all with a distinct look, got a workload that includes a new character every few months. Great, get to keep the job as long as that is the case.

But nah, that's not enough. The game did one holiday themed event and the fans loved it, they want more. The event made money hand over fist, the suits want more. Why not Arbor Day? Why not Bastille Day? Why not Valentines? Sprints are created because no one spoke up. The squeaky wheel gets the grease and all.

So now you got the new characters on your plate, plus new themed events. Nah, that's not enough. Marketing and partnerships just inked a deal with the Susan B Bro-Man foundation for some themed Syphillis skins. Art department responds "That's cool and all but did you get my email about headcount?" You got more workload than you got people to do it now, or, people to do it well that is.

But that's not enough. Growth, remember? Gotta remember we are an esport as well and thanks to all the distinctive characters running around on the virtual battlefield that look identical we are going to need each team to stand out in some way. So Art department, hang out for a while we go back and forth with the fans and each team to figure out how we are going to move forward with this and then we are gonna get you on it.

By this time Art is underwater, programming is not on speaking terms with c-suite, and design is trolling glassdoor during lunch wondering why they didn't listen to these posts, but knowing in the back of their heads that they were prestige blinded by the organization and would probably do it all again if they had the chance.

So Art ends up fighting every day to keep up with the pace of the sprint and just like anything that expands too quickly all the sudden things contract, then boom. An email comes in saying multiple people have been let go from the organization to maintain profitability but everyone needs to keep their head in the game because, growth.

And you sit there in your cubicle and take a deep breath before you head out to console your friends that just lost their jobs, mostly in QA and Marketing, understanding you survived because your skills are necessary, not your frustration, not your mental stability, not your passion for the industry. This is a service industry, and you provide a service. Once you don't....

I feel bad for Daybreak but the thing is it just happened before in April as it does every year and I  literally was in that exact chair ten years ago when it happened to me, just as it had been happening eight years before that. You can only cry for Bill Murray in Groundhogs day so many resets before you accept it as part of his journey.

Anyway, Stellaris is a fun game. The song ain't about you. Shouts to information as always, I'm sure the annual Studio Diner trip is gonna be fun. One game of the year, one baby, one lost in space, one layoff. Such is life. Also JErbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Leviathan

Issue : Games : Sandbag

Hades is a game about access.

I wanted the PlayStation Classic to be good. The problem is I was alive when the system released just as I was alive when all of the twenty games on the system were released. The PlayStation was never that good, neither was the Xbox. They were both well behind the Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis in terms of everything.

The games looked ugly, the games were not innovative, and the system was fragile. Disk-based technology was a shitshow back then. But Sony and Microsoft had decided to play the long game, gaming was a department within a department within a department, and they could burn money on the investment for decades without breaking a sweat.

And low and behold around 2006 the PlayStation began to come into its own. It had franchises it could sell, an audience that forgot the messy past, and a footprint in the industry that earned it begrudging respect. But this new reality doesn't erase the past.

So their idea now is to repackage that shaky past, thinking, "Well, Nintendo did it." Couple differences, champ. The biggest difference is Nintendo didn't repackage Nostalgia, they repackaged quality. The same franchises that launched with the original NES still move units decades later. Launch a Nintendo game from 1992 right now and the art, charm, beautiful music and innovative gameplay are still there.

People don't travel to the past by obligation. Adults don't want to go back to classic PlayStation and like a tax museum in New Jersey, no kid wants to visit the place. I'm glad you guys survived, but let's just keep moving forward.

Also, there are emulators for that sort of thing oh my god you fools used a goddamn unlocked emulator for the retail system that is way worse than the bootleg options available alright I'm done. Well, ill end on a good note. The PlayStation controller has always been dank. Can't lie.

Shouts to information as per the usual and look are we calling it a digital storefront war now? Cmon on doesn't all of this feel super canned and dark arts of marketing'ey. I dunno I feel shenanigans afoot but what do I know about gaming platforms? Also JErbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Ruffian 

Issue : Games : Dossier

Just Cause 4 is a game about Corporatocracy.

The Game Awards 2018. I'm watching it live from tomorrow on the other side of the world. I see some familiar faces in the crowd. I see some familiar coworkers holding microphones. Hi folks, looking good.

I'm watching and wondering when are we gonna stop lying to these children. I had abandoned all hope we would stop lying to ourselves a long time ago. I get that the answer is probably never, but it helps to dream. Video games are that one kid who lies constantly and when confronted by reality it just speaks louder promises more, and borrows more money.

Fans of major companies, most of these companies in attendance, are outside of the virtual building carrying pitchforks and questions, the united states government is getting ready to open the books, and the games industry is throwing a party.

It's ok to admit you are lost. It's ok that people are expressing unhappiness. The video game industry can survive honesty and may be better for it. The only thing wrong with the video game awards is that it's not an awards show. It's a marketing reel. It's a marketing event. It's dishonest. It's trying too hard. There is not a legitimate honest to god authentic moment in the whole show (Welp, I take that back thanks to Sonic Fox. You are all heart. Gratz.).

The show feels like a snapshot of video games in general in 2018.

The industry is like the world in general, it's ignoring the obvious signs that the public isn't happy, it's ignoring the clear signs of its own depression, it's ignoring what became of those who ignored those same signs in the past. The worst part is, all it takes to get on back on the road is stop yelling and start acknowledging the signs. Such is life.

Shouts to information, couldn't have killed you to wear a suit. Just saying, also JErbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Circular File 

Issue : Games : Abandon

Beholder 2 is a game about climbing the ladder.

 Speaking of Overwatch, I feel like the devs spend way too much time apologising for their creation and the game spends way too much time apologising for its existence. The game is fun, I've been playing the game before it came out, I hate on it constantly, but play it every day, which just means I am an average Overwatch player.

Three years later the game is finally starting to take itself seriously as an esport. Activision Blizzard is finally letting go of control and letting the community create and showcase with them. Overwatch league is finally going to allow teams to play in their own markets instead of trucking them to the asscrack of California to play in a way overproduced fake hype cave.

And all of this is great, but does anyone care any more? I hope so. I'm over hoping these companies fail because when they do it sets everyone back like five years. Overwatch lacks personality because to be completely honest the people who control the firehose are scared.

Scared to take chances, scared to stand by their decisions (how many reworks has OW had and imagine how it would go if Capcom could have hanged the hadooken based on community outcry) locked in battles with their community who have been hurt so often they have become feral to a company that would be applauded ten years ago when they so much as sneezed.

Blizzard doesn't play good ball on their heels, which makes them even safer than they were before, which makes them late to the party when it comes to letting the community grow the garden while they focus on keeping the lights on and trimming the weeds. People die standing still all the time.

Anyway, I'm tired of watching gods die, it's been twenty years and the schadenfreude high has worn off. I hope Blizzard keeps taking steps in the right direction, I want them to win. Shouts to information, as usual. Oh right, Beholder 2 is good. Dark, though, like, literally dark. I had to turn knobs. Might just be my screen but ok ill stop. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Tariff

Issue : Games : Perspicacious

Grim Nights is a game about tower defence.

Really, Epic? A digital game store? Is this what the loan was about? Is this how the loan is gonna be paid back? Just gonna jump into the fray with Origin, Uplay, Battlenet, GOG, Discord, Twitch, Green Man Gaming, Humble Bundle...  I could go on.

Notice I did not put Valve in this role call because like it or lump it they are the tower in this tower defence game. Inside of their walls the huddled masses of waifu simulators peeking through holes in the ramparts wondering if they should defect.

Do we want rampant piracy? Because distribution platform saturation is how you get piracy. Also, video games aren't making money as it is, how does asking a potential customer to go to like a billion sketchy places to get a product make any sense.

I say sketchy on purpose because Ill speak it plainly, Origin, Uplay, Battlenet and Epics game launcher are not good experiences. Fans of the games only go to them because the publishers and developer force people to do so.

Most gamers that cannot find the game they want to play on their digital platform of choice will steal the game, or not buy the game at all. So that 88% rev share Epic offers is actually a 0% share because no one will find the fucking game to buy it. Epic got lucky with Fortnight and figure now that we have an audience lets start spreading the word of Jesus (a.k.a the unreal engine). What a time to start getting greedy and building fences. Wow, guys.

We all know you are making money hand over fist with FN and the UR asset store and can take the money hit, you don't care if this sells, but have you thought about who does care if it sales, as in, the young game developers who invest in this as their games exclusive portal? Because you know no other AAA studios would be caught dead selling on the Epic marketplace. They have their own albatrosses to wear.

When the bubble bursts, its time to scale back, and video games are knee deep in the muck, just remember this was your time at the helm and these irresponsible decisions that cost you nothing cost a fragile creator population everything. Who at the company looked at the current gaming business climate and said: "This is legit the right time to further split the market." I just... Really?

You can go a long time without eating, the developers who invest in your service are gonna starve. The audience that use your platform to literally play one thing will continue to ignore the other food presented and resent you for offering it later. Not even sure if you care anymore though. Just keep making up funny dances, you'll be aight.

Anyway, Grim nights is dope and it costs about 3 bucks on Steam. Check it out. Also yes information I know my voice sounds like a female prostitute having a sustained orgasm inside of a barrel but I'm working on it. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Astute  

Issue : Games : Circumvent

Eternal Home Floristry is a game about killing time.

The game is also about a hitman that takes work in a flower shop while he heals and it does a great job of wait what, Tumblr is banning porn?  Wait what Tumblr is still around? Wait... this is about the child pornography thing. Ah ok, makes sense.

I imagine it sucks for a website when the community just decides you are the place to be pervy at. And that is exactly what happened to Tumblr. Way back in 2007 FB and Twitter were safety locked up the wazoo and couldn't do .gifs, but this new kid Tumblr would just let you upload anything.

It became the microblogging spot to upload your Gifs or edgy art that Deviantart would boot or your racist manifesto or your pictures of young women or men or dogs that photographers (a.k.a anyone with a camera and low moral fibre, but also sometimes real professional pervs) would take and convince the subject it was for their portfolio.

And Tumblr stayed that way until Yahoo killed it in 2013 by showing up with a bag full of money, 1.1 billion iirc. They promised not to "screw it up" but how can Yahoo, who used to be the leader in web search (kids, I'm not even kidding look it up) not screw it up.

Anyway, first thing Marissa and co did was kill the babies. Sales left, marketing was fired and when the ad team was sufficiently terrified they ended up under a Yahoo management team that hated gifs. Just didn't understand them. Yeah, after that team Yahoo and team Tumblr just fought among each other for the king of shit mountain without realising the audience walked away.

Oh wait but that wasn't the thing that hobbled Tumblr even. That was when they banned porn on Tumblr waaaaaait yeah they already did this, changed the setting so a perv would have to go deep into user accounts to flag something as ok to look at. Making it so people without accounts or people not hip to the switch wouldn't even see porn. There was mass exodus after that. Such is life.

Oh wait didn't Verizon just buy Yahoo and also why would Apple... oh ok I get it. Rest in peace tumbleblogging, I knew thee well.  Anyway, as I was saying, you should check out Eternal Home Floristry if you got the time, it's something to do. I hope information gets the joke, also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Venire

Issue : People : Mayhem

The Good Place is a show about the bad place.

The train has been on its way since Xbox live launched back in 2002 and it has almost entered the station. Well, before that actually. Toxicity has been the unwanted passenger of gaming since the arcades. It's a visitor a third of the party hates, the other third refuses to acknowledge, and the other third considers the reason they show up to the party.

But the party is almost over for toxicity, and the practitioners of it will be the ones to see it out of the door, along with themselves, if the world is lucky. And all thanks to the mass cloning of Donkey Doug.

These geniuses logged onto a video game, hunted down, and killed players while yelling slurs and claiming to be "cleansing the wasteland." This earned these folks a lifetime ban from the game. Bout time.

And I know, I know. The internet will always be toxic the west cannot be tamed and freedom never truly dies and blah blah blah. Sounds poetic, till you realise the west was tamed and none of that is true.

The west was tamed by industry, which is the same thing that will tame the internet, and games are on the internet. The reason the banhammer is taking so long is that we gamers live in a vacuum sealed reality that doesn't understand the Galactus level power of money.

Here is how it is gonna work. Lootbox gambling forces government to regulate video games. Regulation means taxation, new laws, and harsh penalties for misconduct. Video Game companies now have to create things with the knowledge that the government may make them pay more money than they have in penalties for things they create or even worse will blame them for the actions of their player base.

So imagine if you will that this incident happens, the person that got killed in game sues Bethesda for not ensuring their safety, and the case goes all the way to the supreme court. Court rules for the plaintiff and Bethesda now have to remove functionality from the game and pay a shit ton of money which cripples the company and sends shockwaves of fear through the industry.

Game companies struggle to cover dev costs now. Does anyone think a game company is going to protect the trolls over their own assets? Bless your heart if you do. So the Trolls cry snowflake and say they will spend their money elsewhere. Ok, but where? Even Club Penguin has a "Trolls will be executed on sight" sign up. There are no inns to rest your head and yell at "F!#$."

And even worse, it's not just a ban from that one game, now you can't play any games from Bethesda that go online on that account. You are marked. Oof.

Game Companies figure,  less money is better than no money. And then it happens. What happens is that more people end up playing their game because the troll exodus has created a better experience. A "Safe space," if you will. A safe space that only came into existence because the god-tier banhammer, loss of money, hoisted by pantsuit Odin (a.k.a. the government) stepped in. And that is how the west died.

Anyway, the  Good place is a good show but I feel personally attacked by Chidi's existence. Two hours to choose a shirt is normal, confident decision makers are weird. Information is the one that farted, yeah I'm snitching. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : Maheimer 

Issue : Games : Ritzy

Pony Island is a game about internal programming.

It's an amazing and subversive game and you should play it, but it's not what I want to talk about. I wanna talk about Fortnight because Fortnight gets asses in seats. I even more specifically want to talk about how Fortnight gets asses in seats, by theft.

They stole intellectual property. They know they did. But I am guessing they had no idea that what they were doing was wrong at the time. No, well I'm guessing they had no idea what they were doing was wrong enough to have to answer for it. No, they will probably not have to answer for anything because that is how the world works.

Ok, let me back up for the one person out of the three people who read this digital diary and has not played Fortnight. Mom, Fortnight is a video game where children enter an arena and kill each other until there is only one person left. That's pretty much it. And no, I didn't make that one. And yes, it's the one with the dancing.

It's the dancing that is the theft. The creators of the game added the ability for a player to do a little dance whenever they wanted to in order to add some excitement to an otherwise bland murder simulator. As in, if you kill someone (in the game) you can literally stand over the corpse and dance. I know, sounds pretty morbid when typed out, but they use bright colours so it's ok. It's fine.

Thing is, the creators took inspiration for the dances from popular dances that already exist. For instance 2 Milly's ode to real-life battle royale, Milly Rock. The Milly Rock reached peak popularity with black folks in 2014, so in line with the cool half-life equation ( a.k.a. " raise the roof ---> decay") in 2018 dance is now cool with thirteen-year-old ADD riddled white suburban children tweeking on Go-Gurt. Is what it is.

The dance is 2 Milly's intellectual property, pretty apparent, as it came from his intellect. Epic did not bother to contact him before they decided to use it. They figured, "Better to ask forgiveness than permission. But also lets not ask forgivenessness because that would imply guilt." I guess. Which isn't so bad, all said and done. Except they also decided to charge children actual money to be able to use the dance in game. Which, is, theft.

Here is another example of what is going on. Donald Faison is an actor and a good dude. At work one day his bosses asked him to "vamp" during a scene where his character was supposed to do some dope dance to get on a dance squad. Donald was like, "bet, I lived through the '90s, ill knock this out the park." And he did.

Donald did not invent New Jack Swing. Hid did not invent those moves. But he did invent that particular configuration of those moves. And he did act out that configuration in front of a camera, for people who were paying him, for it to become the intellectual property of the show he was filming, for the show to receive money through advertisements upon airing of that show. Then Epic took that exact performance, converted it to another visual format, uploaded it to their platform, and charged money to view it. Wow.

I wonder how epic would feel if someone stole the exact assets from their game and sold them on another platform without sharing the profits? Pretty litigious, I am guessing. Joost thinks winter is coming for video games. He goddamn right. But business shitheads think it's coming because games don't sell the same. It's coming because of this shit, and loot boxes, and continuing to play fast and loose with integrity when integrity is min/maxed for footspeed. Winter will arrive cosplaying as government regulation. And when the taxman comes, fun don't hang around long. Bundle up, boppers.

I hope information didn't plan on seeing me in LA soon. Told you I fucked up the interview. Is what it is, just another Joffery Baratheon I need not bow to. Feel like this place is full of em though. Oh, and yeah I know I am late with Pony Island I felt bad so yeah whatevs. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Posh

Issue : Games : Susurrous

Behind Every Great One is a game about hubris.

A long time ago to a kid, but a medium time ago to an old person, I was a QA Tester. I got the job through a temporary staffing agency looking for anyone with a pulse. Here is how the interview went:

_____________________________________

Interviewer: Congrats on taking your first step into the video game industry!

Me: Thanks.

Interviewer: I can tell you are excited, but I wonder if you know what you are getting yourself into. Can you tell me what video game quality assurance is?

Me: Yes.

Interviewer: Ok, I'll rephrase. Can you briefly describe video game quality assurance to me?

Me: Reporting video game defects.

Interviewer: That is actually the perfect description, but what I am driving toward is that many young people walk into my office thinking QA will be a dream job where they play video games all day and that is just not the case. The truth is that the hours are long, the pay is terrible, the chances for promotion are slim, there are no benefits, and you will probably be let go as soon as the game is done. It is easily one of the hardest and thankless jobs in existence. Are you still interested?

Me: Sir, I've worked for the Navy, graveyard shift at a gas station, and in retail. This job sounds like a vacation.

Interviewer: I take it all back. If this job was a person, it would be you. You'll be just fine.

______________________________

Anyway, Behind Every Great One isn't a good game, it's a great game. If you play it and don't recognise yourself in any of the characters, then take a long walk and think about who you might be in the story. Great job, Spaniards.

Also, sorry information. I am shit in interviews, min/maxed for fieldwork IIRC. Hey, no car chase this time over proxy, that's progress. Don't groan.

Also jerbz. 


The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Hum

Issue : Games : Reoccurrence

Deltarune is a game about system settings.

A long time ago I was a high school student. Not particularly smart, not particularly cool, not particularly ambitious, not particularly popular, not particularly anything. On the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle scale of personality models I didn't fall into a Raph, Leo, Mike, or Don pie slice. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure anyone does.

I was just a person doing time. I woke up every morning to my folks telling me they are tired of having to wake me up three times every morning because I fall back asleep every time they knock on the door, and that I got my nerve getting mad at that because it ain't like they are doing it for fun, or that is what I imagine they said because I was sleeping while they spoke and it all sounded like the muppet babies teachers talking.

Then I would wake up, throw on the closest clothes to the laundry basket, hop in a van with a bunch of rando aquaintances and smoke weed in the school parking lot until it was time for the first period, then walk into class as if no one could smell it, then fall asleep in the back of class and repeat that process until the end of day bell rang oh my god I was a horrible student and this was not a lot of peoples high school experiences and I am just now realizing this. Good to know.

Anyway, I got on the yearbook staff one year because I decided I wanted to be a journalist after reading Transmetropolitan and didn't realise one of the requirements to being on the news staff was being on the yearbook staff wow I was really not an active listener back then this explains so much about me now. Good thing attention to detail is not a requirement for quality assurance or journalism. Please, Cthulu let there be a point to this story.

Oh right, I got fired from the yearbook staff for fighting. I was in the back of class on an old HP doing layout because that job required the least interaction and I only have so much bandwidth when some kid who didn't have anything to do with the yearbook staff walked into the room and slapped the dogshit out of this geeky kid. So I got up, disconnected the keyboard from the desktop and hit him with it. The keyboard, not the desktop. I'm not a monster.

I still don't know why I did it. I wasn't friends with the kid that got slapped, didn't have a history with the guy I hit and am not a person particularly into getting involved in shit that ain't got nothing to do with me. I legit don't know if I thought that the act of fighting that kid was going to make things better for me, or the kid, or anyone.

After the event I didn't become friends with the kid that got hit, actually made the whole room scared of me, they kicked me off the yearbook's staff. Made an enemy for life with the guy I hit, but that was fine, he wasn't a nice person and we were never gonna skip stones in the park. And I got suspended and the event haunted my academic career forever. That one event sent ripples through my life that have yet to subside. And I still don't understand it, it was just a thing that happened.

Ok, so, the point... the point... Oh right, the major question of Deltarune and Undertale seems to be, "Do choices matter?" I don't know, and the games don't seem keen on providing an answer. But I often wonder about my choices, why I made them, and how things would turn out if I did things differently, but how could I do anything differently if I still don't understand the importance of the moment, in the moment.

Anyway, I digress. like I said about Undertale, Deltarune is a great game but one you may not enjoy if you aren't into lo-fi graphics or reading or exploring your emotions through video game characters with emotional depth and pathos or exploring the idea that violence isn't the answer, it's just a convenient plot mechanic.

I know, information, I know. Calm down. Maybe I miss it. Also, Jobs. 

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Sundry

Issue : Games : Second Suite in F

I, Hope, is a game about hope.

It finally happened, holy shit it finally happened. In the six or so years I have been writing this blog there had yet to be a person I spoke to in RL who has asked me why. A ton of "what's," a smattering of "how's," but no "why," until a couple hours ago.

I promised myself I would explain why I write the blog the moment someone asked why I write the blog, so here is how the story goes.

I started writing the blog to keep my group of tester friends entertained while going through the shitstorm that was Sony Online Entertainment in 2011. I was a quality assurance engineer working on game deployment to Station.com, SOE's digital delivery platform.

We were a small team tucked away in the bowels of building one, most of us plucked from web, trc, or EverQuest test crews. The hackers DDoS,ed to make everyone think they were just players pissed about Star Wars Galaxies nerfs to cover up what they were actually going for, credit card and social security info.

They did us dirty, but there is no way around it, we fucked up. We all did, the hackers were like a running back breaking tackle after tackle. The days after were meeting after meeting and lawyer after lawyer and executive after executive.

Co-workers from other departments showed only love, knew it happened to the best and the rest, part of life on the high seas. But we saw the disappointment in their eyes that their partners, their kids, and their friends private info were in some randos' hands.

Morale was nonexistent, our team dropping like flies. A few months later there were about five of us, showing up to work out of habit. I decided to break the gallows silence by going into these long diatribes about games I was playing, speaking at the top of my lungs in order to clear the cubicle walls so they could hear.

The rest of the office told me to shut the fuck up, so I did. Everyone on the team loved Penny Arcade, as do I, so I decided to completely bite @Tychobrahe and write weird things about video games to send to my team via instant message. I needed a place to host and Blogger.com is lit, so I used it.

Problems were I'm not a good writer, I had no time to actually review the games all technical or whatever, only test them, and I was battling crippling depression, so the motivation just wasn't there. I decided to write a one-sentence explanation of what I thought the game was about, then go on some weird tangent. Oh also I can't draw, so I just linked a playlist of stuff I watched or was sent on youtube that week.

I sent it, they enjoyed it, and asked me to continue writing it so we all could keep in touch, as I kept getting fired or quitting from places, the community of game industry folk that found this little hole in the wall bar kept growing, they started talking among themselves, and a network was born. What comes next hasn't been written yet.

So yeah, that's it. That's why. Not a very interesting story, if you ask me.

To wrap up the whole SOE thing, it got worse than it got good then it got worse then I quit. Was what it was, is what it is, will be what it will be. Oh, and I felt bad about ripping off @Tychobrahe so I turned Default Tester into a tip jar for Child's Play. The blog is basically a street busker if you like the show please put a couple dollars in the briefcase. Thank you.

Years after SOE, Penny Arcade and I crossed paths thanks to our day jobs. They are notoriously critical but gave my product at the time high praise. Legends. I told them this story, they replied, "Yeah man, shit happens. Glad you made it through." Too true. Thanks, guys. Also rest in peace, Heathcliff Hatcher. Thank you for teaching me how to play, you are missed. Also congrats on "I, Hope" Kenny. Amazing game. Also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape: V.1     

Issue : Games : Chaff

Monster Hunter: World is a game about Red Shirts.

As I have mentioned ad nauseam, I am a squid. A squid is a sailor. I am a redshirt squid, to be specific. I was also a boat person, which meant the boat was my life. I literally didn't have anything else going on at the time. Work was life, life was work. Such is life.

I am also a gigantic Star Trek fan, so I was well aware of the Red Shirt Theory and knew my fate clear as sunshine. I was gonna die. I realized it while we were cruising toward the middle east around October 15, 2011, 2:45 pst. The war was in full swing and my boat was fully loaded, as in, there was literally enough firepower on it to level a country. No one on the boat was sure which country would be receiving the package yet, but it was wrapped and stowed.

I was sitting six decks down in G-3 (The reinforced area near the bottom of the boat where weapons are assembled, so if they go off, the boat doesn't sink), to my left was a stack of C4, to my right was a stack of Chaff, in front of me was the live tomahawk missile I was assembling. For some reason my redshirt brother "Mr. P" decided to joke, "Man, what if all this shit just blew up right now?" Then started laughing maniacally.

The saying goes the redshirt safety manual is written in blood. As in, it's easy to trace back to where the last ordie fucked up. And for some reason at the moment, he said that and I knew what was gonna happen. So it was that same moment I decided to be somewhere else in my head at all times. Figured I signed up for a job, I took an oath to do the job, and I would do the job. Whatever happened in between wasn't up to me.

So while I waited to find out if I was gonna die or not I thought up this plan. I was really, really, into video games. Still am. The boat library had this cool service where they would fly any book you asked for to the boat. I asked them to fly in every book on video games I could find. There was also a ship Arcade with Soul Calibur and Marvel vs. Capcom arcade machines and a handful of die-hard gamers on the boat who would play every night.

I organized little money match tournaments, which turned into full-on Boat vs. squadron and Navy vs. Marine rivalries. Even a couple Officers and Seals played. It was the one place on the boat where shit talking to Officers was allowed, and the officers were so bad. Cept for this Lieutenant who had the cheapest Astaroth I have ever seen. He won so much money from us, it was silly. 

Turns out I didn't die. I had a super good team that took care of me and vice versa. One day my time in service was just up, sometimes you just have to decide when to hold em' and to fold em'. Not everyone made it out alive, but we did what we could.Such is life.Those who did are extensions of my family, we still talk to this day. We don't always get along, our lifestyles and political views are all over the place, but the family doesn't always have to get along to stay family.

After I got out of the Navy I decided I was going to be a video game person the rest of my life. Figuring after that experience I earned the opportunity to live exactly the life I wanted to live. One day years later I was working the graveyard shift at a gas station when I found a classified ad in the back a San Diego Reader looking for quality assurance testers for some upcoming video game. I decided to take the shot. The rest is history.

We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn't we, information? Had fun, got paid, did cool shit. No regratz. gg. Taking a moment to travel, I'll let you know when we are back at it. Don't trip, I have a plan, as usual. Also JOBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : CAD 

Issue : Games : Intoned

Getting over it with Bennett Foddy is a game about soul food.

It's no secret that I am addicted to candy. Sour Patch Kids left loose in jean pockets, leaving the grocery store with nothing in the bag resembling the member of a food group, a lifelong fear of dentists born of their well-intentioned efforts to save my teeth from me. That kind of thing.

I was the kid who would finesse two costumes every Halloween so I could double up on the houses with whole candy bars. By year three I had developed a crowdsourced costume sharing group in the neighborhood, promising larger candy hauls and safety from bag snatchers.

The group worked a four-block grid, dumping bags of candy into a trash can in the middle of the grid and cycling to the next for two rotations. Costumes were chosen to appear generic as possible and full body as not to tip off the parents. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, etc...

At the end of the night, the trash bin was overflowing with candy. As we marveled at our haul I briefly entertained the thought of murdering those kids and keeping all that candy for myself. I am deeply ashamed because I ignored that impulse and had to split the pot with them. Had I not, I would have had a lot more candy.

The problem was I had become too candy rich too young. There was no way I could bring my ill-gotten gains home, my mom knew me too well, she could sniff a Snickers wrapped in lead from a mile away. I had to bury my sugar gold under a levi overpass and would sneak down to feast in the middle of the night looking like Smeagol eating a live fish.

Five months later I thought I had gotten away with it until a dentist uttered the words that made me truly believe no crime goes unpunished. The man said, "You need braces." Such is life.

Anyway, I hope information understands what I mean by story, it's all in how you tell it. Oh, and Calista is a fine name to honor a life. We do what we can, don't beat yourself up, info. Also, Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Surd

Issue : People : Hypothesis

They are Billions is a game about art vs. time.

A long time ago I was a freshman in high school, only there to make my parents happy. I was confused and frustrated about the who, what, when, where, why, and how of the situation.

As in, who are all these sociopathic children the school has forced me to be around all day, what did I do to deserve to be treated like some soulless automaton crammed full of rando information who's pertinence to my life is based on the slim chance I want to be an Idaho potato farmer when I grow up, when can I leave and go learn what I want to learn, why do all the teachers and staff look drunk or high all of the time, and how the fuck is it called and elective if I have to do it? 

So yeah I got in teacher and counselor faces over every single little thing and beefed with all the other students and their clicks with their glazed over Jim Jones cult ass traditions and lack of any want to question what was going on around them, the orders they were given, or the authority of who was giving them. I still stand by that, fuck High School culture, it's toxic, and pumps out toxic. Probably still true today.

Problem with all this rabblerousing was at the time my dad was superintendent of the school district I was going to, so it all got back to my parent's somehow, some way. The situation didn't last long, I was politely told to leave pretty fast. But that stretch of time of me being directly attached to the district he was working, yikes.

He took a lot of flack for my shenanigans. For all the fights, all the protests, all the suspensions, but during the rare family time moments we shared the rule was we didn't talk about work, and to his credit, he recognized early that professional shit-stirrer would be my life's work, so he didn't trip on the small stuff, and had my back the whole way. Thanks Pop's.

Well, he did address the situation directly one time, and one time only. We both are super fans of the original Twilight Zone and watched the annual New Year's Eve Marathon religiously. We were on the couch watching S03E08 "It's A Good Life." (Which btw is where Black Mirror got inspiration for "USS Calister." You new sci-fi n!@@as gotta catch up) when he randomly turns to me and says:

"They are doing their best you know, the teachers. And for the record, the mistake in your hypothesis about school is what you think it's about. School is about access. All the student's you hate, all the books they put in front of you, all the interactions you have are there for you to make the choice, do you like it or not. You could never get that experience sitting on this couch. Believe that."

And that was it. I thought for a minute on what he said, then I got really mad because this dude spent the whole time pushing this rule about not speaking during the show, to save the conversation till after the episode and here he goes dropping wisdom during one of the best episodes ever. I was tight off that, rules are there for a reason, man.

Anyway, to information I will say from everyone here at chaos incorporated we are deeply humbled to have you aboard, you are gonna crush this year, and welcome home. Also JOBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : Axiom