Issue : Games : Public Service Announcment

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Issue : Games : Vein Paraphernalia

Hideo Kojima is a video game designer, screenwriter, and producer. He has been at it for a really long time, but he is best known for the Metal Gear series. I'm not a fan, think it's self indulgent weird shit with boring game play and a silly plot. But people gobble it up and tell me I'm a hater and what the fuck do I know.

I started playing the latest Metal Gear and made it all the way up to the part where a mute naked sniper lady who is majic and soaks up water showed up. I don't know I turned it off realizing at that moment I didn't need to see anymore because it wasn't going to get any better and I had already missed the point of whatever it is Kojima was trying to say. But you should go play it because people usually like that shit.

Anyway I bring this up because Konami wouldn't allow Hideo Kojima to appear at the 2015 Video Game awards.

Who wants to go to the 2015 Video Game awards? That shit is a farce, a three thousand hour end user focused marketing circlejerk that has nothing to do with video games. Konami did him a favor. Konami definitely deserves to be there.

Psh... Hideo... That nigga made Snatcher, Zone of Enders, Penguin Adventure, and Castlevania: Lords of Shadow to name a few of his games I don't think suck. Hideo is a living legend, modern master, and a real deal video game guy. I get loyalty, but Konami was able to pimp him way too long. Hideo's award is on shelves everyday, and he is ready to open up his own shop. Fair winds.

I hope information actually read the business plan. I know I'm not stable enough to run the show yet, that's why I need you guys more than you need me. No slick talk, let's start with honesty and go from there. Also, I was saying fuck Konami before it was cool (Call me a mau-fakin hipster again I dare you!) and also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Policenauts

Issue : Games : Rescind

A colleague got in touch to let me know that the last post has the potential to hurt my career and I should update it. Before I heard the reason for worry I thought, "Woa, I did just sort of expose the inner workings of my company. That's not cool."

Nope, it turns out the reason the post had potential to put my career in jeopardy is because I admitted to masturbation. Is that still a thing? Do people still feel like that needs to be Anne Franked? I'm serious, I had no idea! Also, I have a career! Fuckin Brilliant.

Listen, stop. If I ever took a job that required I hid my masturbation I would work there until they found out I masturbated because I told them in the break room and I would leave. It's not about being stubborn, it's about understanding what you sacrifice when you aren't honest.

The other major pain point were my thoughts on porn. Is that controversial? To have thoughts on porn? I imagine porn and masturbation go hand in hand (I'm phoning this one in, embarrassed for myself) and to speak of one without the other paints an incomplete picture.

If a person can't see the difference between what I'm doing and a person spilling their feelings about immigrants, mari-juana, or how somebody gonna catch a fade over facebook, then I feel terrible for them because they just live another kind of life. I'm more scared of losing my ability to express than I am any career.

If people in a creative medium are scared to express themselves however they choose, then I feel terrible for that creative medium. A game was recently kickstarted to address this fugue state, you should check it out.

I hope information wasn't expecting miracles, and yes I will concede the name of this and the name of that may be confusing, so I'm changing this. Happy? Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Recant