Issue : Games : Approbation

Stellaris is a game about Paradox.

How did we get here? This cul-de-sac of commerce where gaming is rushing around a caustic marketplace serving anything and everything just to get it through the pass like a game of real-life Overcooked.

Early access is a synonym for releasing an unfinished game. DLC (downloadable content) is a synonym for releasing as a full release that promises to be finished later. Lootboxes are a synonym for gambling. "Optimising our structure." is a synonym for Merry Christmas.

It's all bad for the public, it's a struggle for c-level, but its absolute torture for the grunts. Hobbes wasn't fucking around when he described certain lives as "Solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short." Sounds like the average working day for any member of a games dev team, cept the short part.

It goes like this, let me pick on a member of the Art team for example. Say for example you are in charge of the team making player skins in an online FPS. The game is launched and doing really well, your team worked their asses off to get to launch and were just hoping and praying that the game sold well enough to survive the year.

It went well. Really well. The powers that be are over the moon, you are over the moon, the players are over the moon. Got a lot of cool characters in the game all with a distinct look, got a lot of content in the game all with a distinct look, got a workload that includes a new character every few months. Great, get to keep the job as long as that is the case.

But nah, that's not enough. The game did one holiday themed event and the fans loved it, they want more. The event made money hand over fist, the suits want more. Why not Arbor Day? Why not Bastille Day? Why not Valentines? Sprints are created because no one spoke up. The squeaky wheel gets the grease and all.

So now you got the new characters on your plate, plus new themed events. Nah, that's not enough. Marketing and partnerships just inked a deal with the Susan B Bro-Man foundation for some themed Syphillis skins. Art department responds "That's cool and all but did you get my email about headcount?" You got more workload than you got people to do it now, or, people to do it well that is.

But that's not enough. Growth, remember? Gotta remember we are an esport as well and thanks to all the distinctive characters running around on the virtual battlefield that look identical we are going to need each team to stand out in some way. So Art department, hang out for a while we go back and forth with the fans and each team to figure out how we are going to move forward with this and then we are gonna get you on it.

By this time Art is underwater, programming is not on speaking terms with c-suite, and design is trolling glassdoor during lunch wondering why they didn't listen to these posts, but knowing in the back of their heads that they were prestige blinded by the organization and would probably do it all again if they had the chance.

So Art ends up fighting every day to keep up with the pace of the sprint and just like anything that expands too quickly all the sudden things contract, then boom. An email comes in saying multiple people have been let go from the organization to maintain profitability but everyone needs to keep their head in the game because, growth.

And you sit there in your cubicle and take a deep breath before you head out to console your friends that just lost their jobs, mostly in QA and Marketing, understanding you survived because your skills are necessary, not your frustration, not your mental stability, not your passion for the industry. This is a service industry, and you provide a service. Once you don't....

I feel bad for Daybreak but the thing is it just happened before in April as it does every year and I  literally was in that exact chair ten years ago when it happened to me, just as it had been happening eight years before that. You can only cry for Bill Murray in Groundhogs day so many resets before you accept it as part of his journey.

Anyway, Stellaris is a fun game. The song ain't about you. Shouts to information as always, I'm sure the annual Studio Diner trip is gonna be fun. One game of the year, one baby, one lost in space, one layoff. Such is life. Also JErbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Leviathan

Issue : Games : Sandbag

Hades is a game about access.

I wanted the PlayStation Classic to be good. The problem is I was alive when the system released just as I was alive when all of the twenty games on the system were released. The PlayStation was never that good, neither was the Xbox. They were both well behind the Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis in terms of everything.

The games looked ugly, the games were not innovative, and the system was fragile. Disk-based technology was a shitshow back then. But Sony and Microsoft had decided to play the long game, gaming was a department within a department within a department, and they could burn money on the investment for decades without breaking a sweat.

And low and behold around 2006 the PlayStation began to come into its own. It had franchises it could sell, an audience that forgot the messy past, and a footprint in the industry that earned it begrudging respect. But this new reality doesn't erase the past.

So their idea now is to repackage that shaky past, thinking, "Well, Nintendo did it." Couple differences, champ. The biggest difference is Nintendo didn't repackage Nostalgia, they repackaged quality. The same franchises that launched with the original NES still move units decades later. Launch a Nintendo game from 1992 right now and the art, charm, beautiful music and innovative gameplay are still there.

People don't travel to the past by obligation. Adults don't want to go back to classic PlayStation and like a tax museum in New Jersey, no kid wants to visit the place. I'm glad you guys survived, but let's just keep moving forward.

Also, there are emulators for that sort of thing oh my god you fools used a goddamn unlocked emulator for the retail system that is way worse than the bootleg options available alright I'm done. Well, ill end on a good note. The PlayStation controller has always been dank. Can't lie.

Shouts to information as per the usual and look are we calling it a digital storefront war now? Cmon on doesn't all of this feel super canned and dark arts of marketing'ey. I dunno I feel shenanigans afoot but what do I know about gaming platforms? Also JErbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Ruffian 

Issue : Games : Dossier

Just Cause 4 is a game about Corporatocracy.

The Game Awards 2018. I'm watching it live from tomorrow on the other side of the world. I see some familiar faces in the crowd. I see some familiar coworkers holding microphones. Hi folks, looking good.

I'm watching and wondering when are we gonna stop lying to these children. I had abandoned all hope we would stop lying to ourselves a long time ago. I get that the answer is probably never, but it helps to dream. Video games are that one kid who lies constantly and when confronted by reality it just speaks louder promises more, and borrows more money.

Fans of major companies, most of these companies in attendance, are outside of the virtual building carrying pitchforks and questions, the united states government is getting ready to open the books, and the games industry is throwing a party.

It's ok to admit you are lost. It's ok that people are expressing unhappiness. The video game industry can survive honesty and may be better for it. The only thing wrong with the video game awards is that it's not an awards show. It's a marketing reel. It's a marketing event. It's dishonest. It's trying too hard. There is not a legitimate honest to god authentic moment in the whole show (Welp, I take that back thanks to Sonic Fox. You are all heart. Gratz.).

The show feels like a snapshot of video games in general in 2018.

The industry is like the world in general, it's ignoring the obvious signs that the public isn't happy, it's ignoring the clear signs of its own depression, it's ignoring what became of those who ignored those same signs in the past. The worst part is, all it takes to get on back on the road is stop yelling and start acknowledging the signs. Such is life.

Shouts to information, couldn't have killed you to wear a suit. Just saying, also JErbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Circular File 

Issue : Games : Abandon

Beholder 2 is a game about climbing the ladder.

 Speaking of Overwatch, I feel like the devs spend way too much time apologising for their creation and the game spends way too much time apologising for its existence. The game is fun, I've been playing the game before it came out, I hate on it constantly, but play it every day, which just means I am an average Overwatch player.

Three years later the game is finally starting to take itself seriously as an esport. Activision Blizzard is finally letting go of control and letting the community create and showcase with them. Overwatch league is finally going to allow teams to play in their own markets instead of trucking them to the asscrack of California to play in a way overproduced fake hype cave.

And all of this is great, but does anyone care any more? I hope so. I'm over hoping these companies fail because when they do it sets everyone back like five years. Overwatch lacks personality because to be completely honest the people who control the firehose are scared.

Scared to take chances, scared to stand by their decisions (how many reworks has OW had and imagine how it would go if Capcom could have hanged the hadooken based on community outcry) locked in battles with their community who have been hurt so often they have become feral to a company that would be applauded ten years ago when they so much as sneezed.

Blizzard doesn't play good ball on their heels, which makes them even safer than they were before, which makes them late to the party when it comes to letting the community grow the garden while they focus on keeping the lights on and trimming the weeds. People die standing still all the time.

Anyway, I'm tired of watching gods die, it's been twenty years and the schadenfreude high has worn off. I hope Blizzard keeps taking steps in the right direction, I want them to win. Shouts to information, as usual. Oh right, Beholder 2 is good. Dark, though, like, literally dark. I had to turn knobs. Might just be my screen but ok ill stop. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Tariff

Issue : Games : Perspicacious

Grim Nights is a game about tower defence.

Really, Epic? A digital game store? Is this what the loan was about? Is this how the loan is gonna be paid back? Just gonna jump into the fray with Origin, Uplay, Battlenet, GOG, Discord, Twitch, Green Man Gaming, Humble Bundle...  I could go on.

Notice I did not put Valve in this role call because like it or lump it they are the tower in this tower defence game. Inside of their walls the huddled masses of waifu simulators peeking through holes in the ramparts wondering if they should defect.

Do we want rampant piracy? Because distribution platform saturation is how you get piracy. Also, video games aren't making money as it is, how does asking a potential customer to go to like a billion sketchy places to get a product make any sense.

I say sketchy on purpose because Ill speak it plainly, Origin, Uplay, Battlenet and Epics game launcher are not good experiences. Fans of the games only go to them because the publishers and developer force people to do so.

Most gamers that cannot find the game they want to play on their digital platform of choice will steal the game, or not buy the game at all. So that 88% rev share Epic offers is actually a 0% share because no one will find the fucking game to buy it. Epic got lucky with Fortnight and figure now that we have an audience lets start spreading the word of Jesus (a.k.a the unreal engine). What a time to start getting greedy and building fences. Wow, guys.

We all know you are making money hand over fist with FN and the UR asset store and can take the money hit, you don't care if this sells, but have you thought about who does care if it sales, as in, the young game developers who invest in this as their games exclusive portal? Because you know no other AAA studios would be caught dead selling on the Epic marketplace. They have their own albatrosses to wear.

When the bubble bursts, its time to scale back, and video games are knee deep in the muck, just remember this was your time at the helm and these irresponsible decisions that cost you nothing cost a fragile creator population everything. Who at the company looked at the current gaming business climate and said: "This is legit the right time to further split the market." I just... Really?

You can go a long time without eating, the developers who invest in your service are gonna starve. The audience that use your platform to literally play one thing will continue to ignore the other food presented and resent you for offering it later. Not even sure if you care anymore though. Just keep making up funny dances, you'll be aight.

Anyway, Grim nights is dope and it costs about 3 bucks on Steam. Check it out. Also yes information I know my voice sounds like a female prostitute having a sustained orgasm inside of a barrel but I'm working on it. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Astute  

Issue : Games : Circumvent

Eternal Home Floristry is a game about killing time.

The game is also about a hitman that takes work in a flower shop while he heals and it does a great job of wait what, Tumblr is banning porn?  Wait what Tumblr is still around? Wait... this is about the child pornography thing. Ah ok, makes sense.

I imagine it sucks for a website when the community just decides you are the place to be pervy at. And that is exactly what happened to Tumblr. Way back in 2007 FB and Twitter were safety locked up the wazoo and couldn't do .gifs, but this new kid Tumblr would just let you upload anything.

It became the microblogging spot to upload your Gifs or edgy art that Deviantart would boot or your racist manifesto or your pictures of young women or men or dogs that photographers (a.k.a anyone with a camera and low moral fibre, but also sometimes real professional pervs) would take and convince the subject it was for their portfolio.

And Tumblr stayed that way until Yahoo killed it in 2013 by showing up with a bag full of money, 1.1 billion iirc. They promised not to "screw it up" but how can Yahoo, who used to be the leader in web search (kids, I'm not even kidding look it up) not screw it up.

Anyway, first thing Marissa and co did was kill the babies. Sales left, marketing was fired and when the ad team was sufficiently terrified they ended up under a Yahoo management team that hated gifs. Just didn't understand them. Yeah, after that team Yahoo and team Tumblr just fought among each other for the king of shit mountain without realising the audience walked away.

Oh wait but that wasn't the thing that hobbled Tumblr even. That was when they banned porn on Tumblr waaaaaait yeah they already did this, changed the setting so a perv would have to go deep into user accounts to flag something as ok to look at. Making it so people without accounts or people not hip to the switch wouldn't even see porn. There was mass exodus after that. Such is life.

Oh wait didn't Verizon just buy Yahoo and also why would Apple... oh ok I get it. Rest in peace tumbleblogging, I knew thee well.  Anyway, as I was saying, you should check out Eternal Home Floristry if you got the time, it's something to do. I hope information gets the joke, also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Venire

Issue : People : Mayhem

The Good Place is a show about the bad place.

The train has been on its way since Xbox live launched back in 2002 and it has almost entered the station. Well, before that actually. Toxicity has been the unwanted passenger of gaming since the arcades. It's a visitor a third of the party hates, the other third refuses to acknowledge, and the other third considers the reason they show up to the party.

But the party is almost over for toxicity, and the practitioners of it will be the ones to see it out of the door, along with themselves, if the world is lucky. And all thanks to the mass cloning of Donkey Doug.

These geniuses logged onto a video game, hunted down, and killed players while yelling slurs and claiming to be "cleansing the wasteland." This earned these folks a lifetime ban from the game. Bout time.

And I know, I know. The internet will always be toxic the west cannot be tamed and freedom never truly dies and blah blah blah. Sounds poetic, till you realise the west was tamed and none of that is true.

The west was tamed by industry, which is the same thing that will tame the internet, and games are on the internet. The reason the banhammer is taking so long is that we gamers live in a vacuum sealed reality that doesn't understand the Galactus level power of money.

Here is how it is gonna work. Lootbox gambling forces government to regulate video games. Regulation means taxation, new laws, and harsh penalties for misconduct. Video Game companies now have to create things with the knowledge that the government may make them pay more money than they have in penalties for things they create or even worse will blame them for the actions of their player base.

So imagine if you will that this incident happens, the person that got killed in game sues Bethesda for not ensuring their safety, and the case goes all the way to the supreme court. Court rules for the plaintiff and Bethesda now have to remove functionality from the game and pay a shit ton of money which cripples the company and sends shockwaves of fear through the industry.

Game companies struggle to cover dev costs now. Does anyone think a game company is going to protect the trolls over their own assets? Bless your heart if you do. So the Trolls cry snowflake and say they will spend their money elsewhere. Ok, but where? Even Club Penguin has a "Trolls will be executed on sight" sign up. There are no inns to rest your head and yell at "F!#$."

And even worse, it's not just a ban from that one game, now you can't play any games from Bethesda that go online on that account. You are marked. Oof.

Game Companies figure,  less money is better than no money. And then it happens. What happens is that more people end up playing their game because the troll exodus has created a better experience. A "Safe space," if you will. A safe space that only came into existence because the god-tier banhammer, loss of money, hoisted by pantsuit Odin (a.k.a. the government) stepped in. And that is how the west died.

Anyway, the  Good place is a good show but I feel personally attacked by Chidi's existence. Two hours to choose a shirt is normal, confident decision makers are weird. Information is the one that farted, yeah I'm snitching. Also Jerbz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : Maheimer