Secret Neighbor is a game about intruders.
Here are a few things you will no longer find in Oakland:
1. Menthol Cigarettes.
2. Black people.
3. Sports teams.
4. The Oakland you heard about.
Everyone wants me to produce a hot take on how it feels to lose the Golden State Warriors. First of all, im from Stockton, so why? Sure, I work in the Town, but live there?! You fucking kidding?
Do I look like I am made of money? Nobody in their right mind "lives" there, cept "Sillicons" and "Dot-Earthers." Everybody from Seminary to the North Pole knows they are just squatting till the rent wave hits and they gotta move in with their auntie in Tracy.
Second, The Golden State Warriors were never the Oakland Warriors. The players, yes. The team, no. The Oakland Raiders at least had the balls to claim the Town and look how that went. My Thesis. If you are from California and aren't used to things turning on you when the wind changes, well, you got lucky.
Everybody talks about city pride and im from here and there. It's such a bunch of horseshit. Bangers going on about, "This my block on Gawd, Four loc duce five generations deep." It's Berkshire Hathaway's block, Silly Billy.
Sportspeople are the fucking worst. I left San Diego the day the Chargers left. It was the first time I saw a whole town go through an awkward breakup. "Man, it's not the Chargers fault, It's these damn politicians that couldn't decide on a stadium. I wish em the best in LA." No, you don't.
I drive past Oracle on the 880 every day, looks like the same San Leandro trash heap it always did. I will probably never see the Chase center. Bet it's nice. Like, 15,000 dollar seats, like, a beer garden and shit. It doesn't smell like a layer of OG Kush, I bet.
I'm happy for the San Fransisco Warriors. Anyone that can afford to leave Oakland should, before the rest of the people that can afford to live in Oakland move in. Not even no good rolled taco or dim sum places there no more. It's all "Artisinal Flatbread" or some such shit.
Anyway, shouts to info, rip tb rip tc rip tall-t. Love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do the damn thing. We believe in you. Also Jobz.
The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Aerie
