Issue : Games : Surety

Steam is a platform about trust.

Steam lost trust a few days back. DoS, pretty brutal, pretty focused, happened at the worst time for the lick, best time for the vic. It's tough to be top dog, especially when everyone in the net wants to take a chunk of flesh just cause the boss is big.

When it happened the industry went into wild whisper mode, with the consensus being, "It finally happened." The unmistakable shatter moment where the Utopian idea that one ship holding all of the things is a fail proof idea. Waking up to see you wearing someone else's body will snap you right out of that garden. What did they say it was? Config? Cache? Ok, cool.

Find a hole, skript kiddies. And if GabeN invites you for a job interview... Pass.

Anyway, so yeah Valve had a very interesting year. I respect them, I love them. They are my people and I hope they know that. I talk shit here and there, but I hope they know that it's not because of any other reason except I fall somewhere on the spectrum and I simply can't be any other way than I am. I'm usually a passenger on these trips.

Hey... Old Man... yeah you. Bald guy, glasses, acerbic wit, waning faith. Not you Johnny, the other guy. All if feel for Valve applies to you and yours as well. Sure, the coordination complex is a bit caustic, but that's how you get the the core.

There is a seven year old kid out there that has never seen a video game manual. They have never seen a boxed game title. Digital delivery is all they know. Think about that information. Time to start my New Years Eve Tradition. See you next year folks, lets make the next one the best one. Also JERBZ,

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Abash

Issue : Games : Gaslamping

Being black means putting up with tons of shit in order to simply be yourself.

The best part is if you are black and doing something out of the "Black Box" of activities associated with blackness the shit comes from absolutely everywhere. To most blacks you are a traitor, to most everyone else you are an amusing oddity. This will not ever be overtly stated, but will be implied every day through some permutation of the same Ol' jazz standards.

Examples:
"You are not black."
"I (a person not black) am blacker than you"
"You remind me of [Insert black character from thirty year old Sitcom]"
"You are not like...them (Them: Your race, culture, family)"

Next come the tests. Black people will test your blackness, everyone else will test your nerd credibility. Every...single...day. It's classic Gaslighting, top to bottom, and all of the tests are rigged.

Historically I have had the hardest time with my own people. Everyone else may chuckle or dismiss, but black people... wow. It's much better now, but a black kid skateboarding down a California block in the 90's was a rabbit in the jungle. A quick lunch for any predator.

Survival wasn't easy but I was lucky enough to have Jo-Jan. She told me when she was young she dreamed of a day where a kid like me could do anything I wanted to do, and it made her very proud to see me doing just that. She also said fuck what people think. I took that to heart.

I drove home to see her on Thanksgiving. She sat in her chair and made me set up the table like we used to do when I was a kid. "A little to the left baby." "The yams don't go there." "Push the whole table toward me a little bit, but don't spill."

Her attention to detail always got on my nerves. I looked up at her after the fourth table adjustment and she gave me that smirk that lets me know she had been fucking with me for the last ten minutes.

She passed away last night. I didn't know that was how we were going to say goodbye. I wish I told her I would not be who I am if not for her, I love her, and she means the world to me. I thought I would be able to tell her on Christmas.

Sorry Information, take a knee. This Mixtape is for one person.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Jo-Jan

Issue : Games : Reception

The San Diego Chargers are an ephemeral sports team.

A solid base ten ago I was a student way too into video games to care about journalism and my roommate was way too into sports to care about journalism. So instead of doing what we were drowning in student loans to accomplish we sat around an played video games and watched sports.

I was never a devout "sports-er." My dad placed a ball in front of me, my mom placed a book. I told them both I can't be bothered with either because Super Mario Brothers 3 is lit as fuck and they needed to stop whatever they were doing an play it. There weren't feeling that answer so I played sports and read books until my childhood concluded, then went back to my game.

My roommate was the same, but with sports. A fly on the wall would be convinced we hated the things we love based on the things we said about them. We spent our days swapping Dennis Miller style sermons on our respective disciplines.

For instance, I would inform him that Grand Theft Auto was more than a "Sociopath Simulator." It is also a misogynist power fantasy, and fun. And he would inform me that a sports draft was important in the moment because it wasn't easy to, as I stated, "Just buy a better slave later."

We would split the difference with sports video games. The battlefield was either baseball or football games. He would whip me relentlessly in both which deeply hurt my one feeling. Contrary to how much practice I get, I am not a fan of loosing, and I am even less a fan of losing at something I have done every single day of my life. It didn't click in my head until later that I was pressing buttons, whereas he was executing on techniques he had studied daily. It was bullshit.

Later on in life I found myself testing MLB the Show where I took out years of repressed anger on a test bay full of kids. Every head I took I would place on an imaginary hill, a hill of sculls I would one day climb in order to destroy my roommate. By this time he had married and moved out, so my plan was to call him up one day, somehow lead the conversation to a quick game of The Show "For old times sake," fumble around with the controls for a bit, then give him a crispy molly-whopping.

All of the above happened except the molly-whopping came from him. I put the controller down, made up an excuse about work the next day, and cried a little bit in the car on the way home. I refuse to play sports game with him anymore, because he is not worth my goddamn time, and that is the only reason.

Anyway, I speak of this because he is doing well, and I can't stand that either. Check him out on Mighty 1090, or Bolts From the Blue. It's always weird when I'm in a conversation pretending to care about sports and the person I'm talking to mentions something he made or said. I think, "psh, fuck that guy. I should give him a call."

I hope information figures out a way to live with the Raiders again. Don't worry, the bay area is terrified as well. Some Montague and Capulet shit right there. Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Fumble

Issue : Games : Paroxysm

Just Cause 3 is a game about totalitarianism.

In it some dude comes home to find his country controlled by some other dude who is being a power drunk jerk. So the dude decides to do something about the power drunk jerk, and that thing turns out to be literally blowing the country up one building at a time and shooting people in red, then replacing the stuff that was red with blue.

Real talk that is the whole game. There is a grapple mechanic in there that makes it feel like a spider man video game made by Robert Rodriquez but for the most part that is the whole game. Worst part is that's all it needs to be fun, and it succeeds.

My favorite part about this title is that I love to complain about the lack of diversity in main characters and here is a game full of diverse characters (outside the random CIA Texas boy trope but let's be fair we have a lot of interests in banana republics and some of the old spooks are just like that) and I spent the better part of the game not thinking about it at all. No acknowledging it, really. I guess that's good?

Anyway, I didn't want to point out a game full of Mexicans because I don't think it's... Ok, I have just been informed they are not Mexicans... I'ts just that you live in California enough you just expect everyone that speaks Spanish to be Mexican and... I feel so Steve Harvey right now. Is this what sorry feels like?

Listen I know everybody skips right to the job board and videos anyway so I hope information... Actually no lets just get it out there. Thank you Mei for the real talk. Everyone hates the name Default : Tester? How has no one spoken up about this until now? Is it because I'm a stubborn, pigheaded jerk that can't take criticism of any kind without loosing my butt and blaming the messenger?

Ok, well.. that's fair... Still disagree and can't stand any of you, but that's fair. Ok, so time for a new name, any suggestions? Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : RICO

Issue : Games : Salad Days

Psychonauts is a game about juvenescence.

The main character is a kid in psychic camp who invades the minds of other campers and faculty in order to foil a sinister plot. During the explorations he inadvertently helps those minds overcome latent fears or past memories that somehow managed to get wedged into deep crevasses of their brain bins. Heavy stuff for a kids game.

The game sold like crap when it first released. Critics loved it, the people that took a chance on it loved it, but people en masse just didn't... weren't ready for it. So they didn't buy it. Such is life.

Psychonauts 2 is on the way. Well, it's actively being pitched by way of crowd-sourcing, but I would say the chances of it existing are good, over three million dollars good. Shit, Schafer got my buck.

Crowdfunding has become a great answer to a poorly formed question. For the last fifteen years people have loved to bemoan the state of entertainment. "Why do these companies rehash all the stuff from my childhood! Where are all of the new things!" Well the answer is right there in the most funded column of these crowdfunding sites, clear as day.

Given the choice, the end user chooses the same story, told a different way. So who could put total blame on an organization for not taking a chance on something new and giving the people not what they ask for, but what they purchase of their own accord?

The generation that grew up on Ninja Turtles, G.I. Joe, and Full House are scared to let go. It's time to admit its as much our fault as it is theirs.

Are we stuck in perpetual childhood, subjecting a new generation to stockholm syndrome-light indoctrination through distorted, rose colored, idealized, versions of things we were bludgeoned with in our youth?

Or, maybe it's a second life for some things that another generation deserves to enjoy. I dunno.

Anyway, speaking of this exact thing I don't even have to ask where the squad is going to muster tomorrow. They could chill on the marketing, but the Force Awakens is the truth, GG J.J. Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Nonage

Issue : Games : Delict

Rainbow Six: Siege is a game about purgatory.

I like the game. It's a tightly crafted team-based shooter with clear action RPG hybrid roots. Beauty lives in that moment of quiet terror when four communicative and cooperative players are finished setting up defenses, mindful that the enemy will come from almost literally anywhere. It's a sliver in a timeline of violence that had yet to be recreated in video game form, the elegance is undeniable.

I don't think Rainbow Six: Siege is a complete game. I think its only as respectful to Tom Clancy's source material as it needs to be to please his estate. I don't think there should be a game about war with no context. But the game is fun, and games should be fun. What the funk do I know?

I don't think Rainbow Six: Siege is going to dethrone the current multiplayer kings, and it has no single player component worth talking about. So where would the longevity live?

Imagine having to replay the same violent fubar over and over again every single day. With little to no context as to why you any of it is happening outside acknowledgment of some amorphous "threat."On a treadmill, no end to the war in sight.

That's all Rainbow Six: Siege has to offer, the same choices played our marginally different but always leading to the same end. I wouldn't imagine anyone would want to go through that for long, if given the choice. Best part of Rainbow Six: Siege is you get to play for a while and then let it go. Unfortunately that's not  great business model, but such is life.

Anyway, I hope information provides a daggon programmer worth a fart. I swear the easy shit is the hard shit and vice versa. Got my blood pressure up... and my knee been acting up in the morning on account of this weather... And these kids today...I'm not old. Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Malefaction

Issue : Games : Public Service Announcment

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Issue : Games : Vein Paraphernalia

Hideo Kojima is a video game designer, screenwriter, and producer. He has been at it for a really long time, but he is best known for the Metal Gear series. I'm not a fan, think it's self indulgent weird shit with boring game play and a silly plot. But people gobble it up and tell me I'm a hater and what the fuck do I know.

I started playing the latest Metal Gear and made it all the way up to the part where a mute naked sniper lady who is majic and soaks up water showed up. I don't know I turned it off realizing at that moment I didn't need to see anymore because it wasn't going to get any better and I had already missed the point of whatever it is Kojima was trying to say. But you should go play it because people usually like that shit.

Anyway I bring this up because Konami wouldn't allow Hideo Kojima to appear at the 2015 Video Game awards.

Who wants to go to the 2015 Video Game awards? That shit is a farce, a three thousand hour end user focused marketing circlejerk that has nothing to do with video games. Konami did him a favor. Konami definitely deserves to be there.

Psh... Hideo... That nigga made Snatcher, Zone of Enders, Penguin Adventure, and Castlevania: Lords of Shadow to name a few of his games I don't think suck. Hideo is a living legend, modern master, and a real deal video game guy. I get loyalty, but Konami was able to pimp him way too long. Hideo's award is on shelves everyday, and he is ready to open up his own shop. Fair winds.

I hope information actually read the business plan. I know I'm not stable enough to run the show yet, that's why I need you guys more than you need me. No slick talk, let's start with honesty and go from there. Also, I was saying fuck Konami before it was cool (Call me a mau-fakin hipster again I dare you!) and also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Policenauts

Issue : Games : Rescind

A colleague got in touch to let me know that the last post has the potential to hurt my career and I should update it. Before I heard the reason for worry I thought, "Woa, I did just sort of expose the inner workings of my company. That's not cool."

Nope, it turns out the reason the post had potential to put my career in jeopardy is because I admitted to masturbation. Is that still a thing? Do people still feel like that needs to be Anne Franked? I'm serious, I had no idea! Also, I have a career! Fuckin Brilliant.

Listen, stop. If I ever took a job that required I hid my masturbation I would work there until they found out I masturbated because I told them in the break room and I would leave. It's not about being stubborn, it's about understanding what you sacrifice when you aren't honest.

The other major pain point were my thoughts on porn. Is that controversial? To have thoughts on porn? I imagine porn and masturbation go hand in hand (I'm phoning this one in, embarrassed for myself) and to speak of one without the other paints an incomplete picture.

If a person can't see the difference between what I'm doing and a person spilling their feelings about immigrants, mari-juana, or how somebody gonna catch a fade over facebook, then I feel terrible for them because they just live another kind of life. I'm more scared of losing my ability to express than I am any career.

If people in a creative medium are scared to express themselves however they choose, then I feel terrible for that creative medium. A game was recently kickstarted to address this fugue state, you should check it out.

I hope information wasn't expecting miracles, and yes I will concede the name of this and the name of that may be confusing, so I'm changing this. Happy? Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Recant

Issue : Games : Climax

Every once in a while a porn website will contact my day job pitching a joint marketing venture.

The response is always a hard pass, and I feel bad about it afterwards because I like to think myself a progressive dirtbag, I mean I live in California, spending most of my time in the Bay area, where weird is normal.

It also gets weird when the porn company reps call me a prude. They love saying, "Well, here are the numbers we do, here is where the cultural zeitgeist is, people are getting more comfortable with their sexuality, and you all are being prudes. In response I say something like, "Yeah, I agree with a lot of what you are saying, and I agree that our markets intersect. But now is not the time, let's table this and stay in touch for future opportunities."

I say that and believe it. I believe it because... Look... I jack my dick to porn, always have. I will never deny that. I don't believe there is anything wrong with it. But here is the kicker, thanks to all that first hand experience as their target demo I know exactly how far down the rabbit hole goes. And it gets dark. It is currently out of any companies ability to control how far down that hole any one person goes.

I used to hear the same arguments when I was in the independent pharmaceutical field. People said "What's wrong with drugs? Why don't we just make it all ok and have people make up their own minds." And to that I would shake my head and laugh, because legal or not it's already ok, we are getting paid hand over fist because they don't. #BLESSED.

The problem is advocating something we all know will consume some people, make one small mistake they can't take back while engaging in it, and it will fuck up their whole lives. Iv'e seen it close up my whole life. The atrophy, the loss of control, and you want to make that like grabbing a snickers? Nah.

The seller and the buyer chose this life independent of a marketing push. Lol, nah j/k, drugs and sex are the most highly marketed things in this waking life outside of war. Just have different purchase portals.

When it comes to porn (get it?) I'm not thinking about the end user. I'm thinking about that poor girl or guy that sees porn being marketed as safe, humane, and just a good old fashioned all around fun thing with no hard consequences (get it?). That dummy is going to bite into the apple, and our gaming target demo are kids right in the mistake sweet spot.

They are gong to answer that Craigslist ad looking for "models," they are going to end up scared in an enclosed space avoiding direct eye contact with a director, a cameraman, a few other "actors," all emanating this uncomfortable vibe. The door will close, and from there anyone with an internet connection can watch what happens next, forever.

Their high school principal can watch, their prospective employers can watch, their parents can watch, their future love, who had no idea they were that at one time in their life can watch. The idea that I helped them make an ill advised decision because of a funny marketing campaign or an event where they saw only the fleeting glamour and attention is something I can't in good conscience condone or let loose on my vertical the moment.

Not until I run into a porn site militantly dedicated to protecting the people they feature. Playboy would be cool, I hear they don't do naked anymore actually... Hmm, don't know how I feel about that. PornHub is close, but not anywhere near close enough.

Maybe I am a hypocrite, but I'm a hypocrite that can sleep at night.

Anyway, I hope information doesn't get butt hurt over this. It's just, like, my opinion man... and iv'e told you to your face, it ain't duck season. And if anyone is wondering, my favorite tab is naughty teacher and a little bit of Scat. Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Come as you are

Issue : Games : Above The Fold

What does it take to become a video game Journalist?

Nothing, all you have to do is write about video games. To get paid to write about video games it helps to have a degree in Journalism but it's one of the least necessary things in this waking world. What you really need to do is know someone who works there, have opinions that you are willing to massage if asked, make sure the right people like you, and enjoy video games but not enough to take it easy on the people that actually make them.

This is of course untrue for games journalists en masse. There's a baby's handful of real deal reporters out there filing stories and married to the truth. They are easy to identify. They work from home whenever possible and don't like spending time with their coworkers because in their words they "Take up all the oxygen with circlejerk bullshit." They don't attend many industry functions because they aren't friends with many industry people. For them the only things that matter are the reader and the games. Full stop.

You don't need credentials or experience to do anything these days.Want to be an entertainer? Hit up Twitch. Want to be a game developer? Hit up Kickstarter. Want to be a cab driver? Hit up Lyft or Uber. I would say that it's weird that people are so chill with trusting complete rando's who's only qualifications are charisma, an ok idea, or GPS on their phone, but it's not.

It's easier for people to act on their fear of the macro over the micro. Giving your money to a Nigerian prince is a hell no situation, giving your money to a mid-twenties guy in a plaid shirt that has never held a job in his life but promises his holographic sock technology is going to revolutionize the holographic sock industry is a no brainier. That's an investment.

Put a system around anything and people will invariably think that system will protect them. But when it comes to I2I (Individual to Individual) based systems the responsibility is on the individual to protect themselves. Yeah, good luck with that.

Video Games Journalism is an I2I system, and there is a difference between a blogger and a reporter. It is the responsibility of the reader to recognize the difference. Shout to the makers of the things. Don't take the yellow journalism personal, it's not you it's click-thru, fish gotta swim.

I hope information rocks out with their crops out tonight. It's probably what you think it is. Long story. Also shout's to The Almighty Savo, sup with my commish bruh? Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Buried Lead

Issue : Games : "An open letter to Preston."

Fallout 4 is a game about war, and war never changes.

Or so I thought. Bethesda throws a lot of new shit at you right out of the gate. Ok so I'm at the moment of impact, ok so now I'm hella far ahead in the future, did that n!@@a take my kid? Wait, I have to build a trailer park, so this is Fallout Shelter  now? This is fuckin... EQ Landmark? This is Rust? The fuck is going on?

And Preston... Man... listen. I know the minutemen are important to you, but how are you gonna just dump all of this on me after we just met? That's some bullshit Preston, call me general all you want, I just told you my kid got kidnapped and you are over here asking me to carry your water. Self esteem bro, find some, you can do this. Oh, and stop judging me over everything I pick up. I need a new goddamn cooking pot, the fuck it gotta do with you? Just watch my six and keep that bullshit to yourself.

Fuckin' can't stand Preston. Anyway the game engine is old and it's still buggy as shit. Put a follower in some power armor, up your sneak, and you have a Terminator at your side for the whole game. Doesn't even consume power. That's what should be done if you don't have scruples. I on the other hand play straight up, huddled under a ladder, out of bullets, cramming dandy apples into my mouth because I walked into a far dungeon with low inv and no idea what I was getting into.

I could barely stop playing the game to write this. I am absolutely obsessed. I will never forgive Fallout for doing this every single time. Being the best AAA of the year despite itself. Well done guys, very well done.

I don't have anything to say about France, only tears to shed. My heart goes out to them and the folks in Beirut, it's just... The psychos and zealots are making it clear that they are pure bad, no chaotic neutral in the mix at all, and they gotta go. War never changes.

I hope information is safe. Rue La Fayette squad, Please Please Please use Facebook check in. Please be ok. Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Phillipe 

Issue : Games : Abdicate

Always Sometimes Monsters is a game about letting go.

I while back I was a guy really, really into video games. I worked in the industry, I played them all day after work. It's all I did. This didn't jive well with my girlfriend at the time, who felt that from time to time it would be good to see me, talk to me, and/or hold me in non-transient fashions.

I got it, I just didn't get it. She told me to run when I was working at Kinko's, hating life. I set on this path at her urging, and surprise, I was good at it. I loved it, and I was on road walking my talk. So why should I slow down? Why should I stop? Why should I eat or sleep? I accused her of being jealous that I fell in love with something that wasn't her.

I was never able to walk those words back, some words you just can't.

I figured we could have the world when I was done, there would be nothing but time to apologize. Turned out time was transient, I ignored her wants, and one day I woke up and she was gone, my car was gone, my job was gone, and I was gone.

When she left the lease my real estate agent got nervous. He knew what I did for a living and believed I wouldn't be able to handle the rent payments. We struck a deal where to stay I would come up with cash on hand, on time, every month, or I was out. I was on vacation (the time where a QA tester is mandatory unemployed for company reasons) so every unemployment check went directly to rent. So I had to figure out something to live.

I knew this kid that farmed gold in WoW, so I asked him how I could get involved. It turned out to be pretty easy, mostly the same thing I did working a test plan at work. So that's what I did. I worked all day playing video games, and worked all night exploiting video games.

It didn't feel right. I was never playing the games I was playing. I got sick, lost inside of a hypertext protocol spiral, one long day trapped in a cathode tube. Friends would drag me out for coffee, or to a show, or anything to verify my existence outside of an email. I couldn't make eye contact, I couldn't from complete sentences, my eyes darted back and forth, looking for the most effective path back to purgatory.

The only respite I would give myself is to write this. Looking back I imagine it was me talking to her ghost. When she left she burned the boats. Or I did. I'm not sure. I talk to her through the only way I knew how, because sometimes that is all life gives you. But one things for sure, I would never have been this without that. Pain frames the happy. I haven't looked back at a post I made on this project. I wonder who I will find when I do.

Anyway... Always sometimes Monsters is worth checking out. The whole thing was made in RPG Maker, so no one should have any excuses anymore. Iv'e seen rich men chase beggars gold, and one mans trash is another mans treasure trove. The writing carries it, the real deal. A dozen hours of your life you wont mind investing. Good shit.

I hope information got the whole BlizzCon thing. It's big, I know, but break it into sections. Also, keep the wiring in a notebook you can get to fast, don't trust battery power. Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Liza

Issue : Games : Flowey

Undertale is a game about Genocide.

It doesn't have to be. You can play through the whole game and not kill anyone. You can play through the game and kill everyone. You can kill just a few people, the ones it's most convenient to kill. All of those are options.

You will start the game by thinking that you are going to have to kill someone, because the game forces you to fight enemies. The system is telling you to fight in the same way every other game makes you fight, that's just the way the game go.

There is an genius function embedded in Undertales combat system whereby you receive the option to talk to your enemy. Doesn't mean the enemy will talk back at first, most times they continue trying to kill you, but if you keep at it, sooner or later all enemies in the game will return words, and over time stop fighting with you and communicate.

You have a choice in Undertale. That doesn't happen often.

If you like graphics in games don't bother playing Undertale. The game has like, two graphics. that's not a lot, but they stretch them well enough. Also, if you get bored by reading words, again, don't bother. The game likes to talk. Ok, let's toss in a positive. If you liked Warioware, then play Undertale and try and kill everyone.

The game is pound for pound in my personal top 5 games of the year, one of the best JRPG style titles to ever be made, and Flowey... What an asshole. Wow, this is a good year for indies.  It is what it is.

I hope information got into the Overwatch Beta. Oh, and speaking of that let me go ahead and run back my words on Lucio. Yes Lucio is a sad attempt at not being racist, but that bard buff is so viable that the racist-ness is not as important. And indeed the venoms are on a server near you engaging in pure savagery. I wish an n-word would. Shouts to DJ Xyanyde for the Mercy assist.

Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Undyne

Default Tester : Issue : Games : The Beginner's Guide

The Beginner's Guide is a game about sincerity.

A long time ago (Nah chill, this wont take long) I was a grom in the City. I skated because there was nothing better to do. I got better at skateboarding because I didn't want to look stupid in front of my new friends.

I became obsessed with appearing to be a skateboarder. I learned only the tricks I knew other people liked, I wore only clothes I saw other skaters I looked up to wearing. I listened to music that I thought would make me seem "cool." I spent more time trying to live like a skater than actually skating. But I didn't realize that until much later.

I started riding right at the time skateboarding caught the new media wave. The Bones Brigade videos blew the lid off what was possible for marketing in action sports and skateboarding quickly became the soup du jour.

Skateboarding fit the video format perfectly, the musical accompaniments to the videos reinvigorated music sector purchases and reinvigorated whole music genres, and skateboard company logos were prominently displayed on the shirts boards trucks hats and shoes. Not to mention the personalities of the riders. You would watch your favorite riders video part and want to skate like him, dress like him, live like him.

It was only a matter of time before larger companies took notice, and oddly enough one of the first organizations to put money in the pot was the children programming station Nickelodeon who launched a show called Sk8TV, it was sort of a variety show that aired skate parts, rider check outs, and interviews with top pros.

The host was a guy called Skatemaster Tate, and at the time to me Skatemaster tate defined the version of cool I was chasing.

Skateboarding the 90's was also very weird. It was letting pretty much anybody in, so it wasn't weird to have reggae dudes vibing with punkers who in turn would skate with guys with black power medallions and asymmetrical flattops.

It was a style meritocracy where yeah, image was important but if it wasn't backed up with tricks, and the all important footy then style was worthless. Skatemaster Tate and his co host, ak.a. the guy from Starship Troopers helmed the "Yo MTV Raps" of skateboarding, and guided the skateboarding ship for a generation of youngsters desperate to define themselves through a shared past time.

I bring this up because Skatemaster Tate recently passed away due to Cancer. He skated every day of his life, he walked the community known as a stand up guy in every sense of the word. He gave back. He was loved, and now he is gone. I just felt it important to remind people he was one of the best of us, and what he made helped. That's it.

I had a story about The Beginners Guide, and I had a story about myself to tie into the theme of the Beginners Guide but said fuck it. Here is what you need to know about the game: It is one of the best video games I have ever played. I suggest you take the time to play it, you will not be sorry. That's the truth. Ok, done. Also JERBZ.


The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Thrash

Default Tester : Issue : Games : Twitchy

Twitch is a streaming video platform. TV for video games.

It was created by this dude named Justin Kan. Around 2007 Justin just started filming himself and putting it on the internet. Nobody knew what was up. Some figured it performance art. Some thought it a revolution, the future of reality television. Most saw it as the apex of narcissism. They were all right.

Opinions didn’t matter though, because people watched. A lot people. Y Combinator took note and angel-ed Justin. He in turn shut down his stream and re-launched a network of thousands of channels. A universe of people brushing their teeth and playing bad acoustic guitar.

After a while the universe collapsed into Twitch, 24 hour video game channel. People play video games and other people watch. People could be doing anything in front of that camera, but they choose to play video games, and people choose to watch. That’s how it goes.

Jimmy Kimmel is a TV host.

He used to be a comedian who dealt in observational comedy, black comedy, satire, and deadpan. Now he is mostly a TV show host and producer. You may remember him from The Man Show, Win Ben Stein's Money, The Andy Milonakis show, and Crank Yankers, or the Sports Show with Norm MacDonald.

Jimmy Kimmel had a hard time understanding people watching other people playing video games, and said as much on his television show. The gaming community lost it’s shit, and let Jimmy Kimmel have it.

Jimmy Kimmel has always been a great troll, and a better troll profiteer. Gamers have always been great troll bait. Watching these two forces at war has always been great television. Everyone played their part, did their job, and in the end it’s all just TV, and viewers of both camps were entertained. Job well done Jimmy. You prick.

I hope information picks up SOMA. The game is the real fuckin’ deal. So good. I also hope information learns to process an invoice because that is important. E-mails have that red flag in the upper right corner for a reason. Peter goddamn Pan. Oh wait the feud was with Youtube gaming? Oh, ok what’s the difference? Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue 2038 : Biatches

Default Tester : Issue : Games : Oblong

Abyss Odyssey is a game about dreams.

A warlock falls asleep and dreams this chasm with monsters coming out of it. All types of Guillermo del Toro shit. Naked bald dudes and centaurs drawn on acid. It’s bad out there and some Army with Civil War reenactors have decided to do something about it.

So they pour in the crack and here comes this rapier fighter and this cloak thing made of dead Civil War reenactors fighting alongside them to get to this warlock in order to wake him up, I guess, or kill him, but they are part of the dream to, so… he would have thought them up too...So he made them to kill him? Are they some kind of alarm clock? I don’t know. Shit’s crazy.

The game is color and flow. Harry Clark style lines, spirituality through a stained glass window. Combat is smash meets Street Fighter with bells and whistles that hug originality.

It’s an Role Playing Game. There are things find that will make you stronger. There are things you find that will make you faster.There things you want to buy and things you want to sell. There are keys. There is Mana, you might use it.

Level design owes Castlevania : Symphony Of the Night a beer. Progression is a choice. Three parallel collapsing boxes stacked to the basement. The room below you is easy, the room below that is only kind of hard. The room across from that is a root canal without novacaine.  

Atlus made it, so you know it’s adorably broken.

There is this mechanic in the game where if you “die” a civil war reenactor will take your place. Sometimes the reenactor will for some reason “get lost.”There are moments when your character is jumping onto a ledge and sticks. There are times when hit confirm gets confused. Most other times the game behaves.

The game is worth around two hours of your time. If you haven’t seen all the things there are to see by then, you probably won’t want to. It sounds mean, but some games are movies, some games are TV series’. This game is a movie, and that’s ok.

I hope information understands the longer you are in the more you realize you aren’t going to love video games all of the time. Sometimes after work you think about playing games and throw up in your mouth a little. It’s natural. Doesn't mean you lost love or faith. Just means you need to take a breath. It helps, trust me. Also, hope TwitchCon pops off. Congrats guys, that's big.. And also JERBZ I guess.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue 12945.203 : Games : Mad Desent

Default Tester: Issue: Events : Sea-Tac v.2

PAX Prime is a marketing event that takes place in Seattle.


Wizards of the Coast bought the sidewalk across the street from Washington convention center. A giant tree bursting from a store window, Lamp-post in one hand, cop car in the other. The guys painted at three thirty in the morning under the light of an internally powered faux streetlamp. looked expensive.

Bandai-Namco erected a blood fountain in the foyer. An undead knight knelt over a corpse, vertical streams of black bile from the poor corpses chest. Homie from Bandai Namco says it takes 4 big rigs to move that thing around. It needs it’s own pipework system. They don’t know what to do with it after the game launches. The struggle, man. Have a great show.

Dreadnaught owned necks, gave out light up necklaces. Mega 64 made a killing in hats. The black top red bill with white graffiti style Kanji. 30 bucks a pop, seemed like every other kid had that on.

No company expects to make money at PAX. The booth space costs money. The booth builders cost money. Employee travel costs money. Models cost money. Product costs money. A licence costs money. Booking locals for post event activation's cost money. Time away from development costs money. 

But it’s more expensive when no one knows who you are.

So people get creative. Example. Most of the cosplayers work for the company. The money is actually in eyeballs. Its easy to tell who is working for who if you stand in one place long enough. You notice a lot. PAX badges have no names on them. Exhibitors have pink on their badge. Attendees have blue. The people in blue shirts are called Enforcers. That kind of thing.

Through a fun-hose mirror PAX can resemble a celebration of lockstep disguised as a celebration of individuality. A deluge of commonalities under the veil of "out there." Burning Man with swipe cards. It's not true, the place is actually exactly what is on the tin. Or maybe it's both, but the only people that see both work for Fun-House incorporated.

Either way works for me because when the floor opens and the kids flood in happy and safe and engaged in shared bliss, what the fuck is a couple extra bucks for a blood fountain? Depending on the state you easily recoup on taxes. PAX could be a day shorter though. Fuckin'. Fascists.

I hope information takes this as evidence I'm not dead yet. Would I really have the foresight to pay some rng to type up some random shit should a certain amount of time pass. Psh, stupid. Oh also Is Lyft or Coffee from Seattle? I feel like it's coffee. And what's up with everyone going to Japan? Oh also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape v.10204.3 : Spoony G

Issue : Games : Torpid

Hi independent devs, it's about time we had a chat. This is tough, because I love you and want you to be the happy creative butterfly chasing goons you are. But this shit is something we are going to have to talk about because it's out of goddamn control. The fuckery level is too damn high, and the first step is opening the dialogue.

Ok, so I run into you all the time, and I listen, and I nod, and I listen some more to your woes.

Oh, your game didn't sell because it wasn't the right season? Alright.

Oh your game didn't sell because it wasn't featured above the fold? And your high moral fiber didn't allow you to engage in payola? Damn man, the struggle.

Oh your game didn't sell because, fukin' people are plebs that don't get your true genius? Psshh, yeah man, people and not liking shit. How dare they.

Oh wait so you are saying it did sell, but only during a steam sale where people could get it for a few bucks, which left you eating top ramen cause your game costs twenty bucks and nobody wanted to pay twenty bucks for your game because they were waiting on a Steam sale. Steam got you, bro, Gabe ain't the true lord Raul.

Listen, shut the fuck up. Your game didn't sell because it's not at a quality people not called your mom or cousins want to pay for. Your game didn't sell because it might be great but you can't market yourself or a video game. Also your game didn't sell because sometimes games don't sell.

I don't get when everybody thought they were going to be Notch but this shit has got to stop. If you are an independent developer in this day and age you are a goddamn mixtape rapper. You are outside the club telling them you got that fire. If you wan't Borderlands numbers you need a Borderlands campaign spend. Polygon block space don't buy itself.

You know who makes games? Developers. You know who sells games? Sales and Marketing. You know why no one likes sales and marketing? Because we only want to sell your game not your dream. Sucks, I know. Your game should be able to sell like hotcakes on it's own merit, because a 2'd cell shaded brawler set in WW2 Zombie Nazi Germany is hella fuckin' original.I know it sounds like I'm mad but I'm not. This is how I talk.

Hey, hey... listen. Get someone to get press for you. Get someone to leverage their connections to get you featured on every platform possible. Get someone to lobby income streams for you. Get someone that can hold a conversation with partners and public. Because hey, hey, over here, listen. You are neither an asshole or a seller of things.

Which is good, you should be proud to not be that, but also, you are selling something, and you are trying to sell it to assholes who see store places full of shovel ware and diamonds everyday. I'm talking consumer and vendor. You see those weird anime sim games with titles built in MS paint? You are doing battle with them.Think about that.

Oh, or get a pimp. Double Fine, Devolver, they are doing the publishing model right. It's not all profit robbery anymore. I know you guys like that commune shit. So circle the wagons, your commodity is more likely to get grazed if it's in a bunch, or a bundle. Oh well how do you get included in one of those bundle things? Dunno bruh, ask a marketer.

Anyway, I hope your dreams die cause mine did. All of this is just me crying about shit that ain't that serious. And you just keep making the stuff, but please get a little smarter about it is all I ask. Don't go it alone. Believe it or not, us carpetbagging asshole fart-burgers love games too, even if we like playing the industry meta game a little more.

Let our mutual self interest work for each other, because honestly you guys are making the best games around right now, but you are getting your asses kicked in an eyeball war you don't know how to fight and resent having to fight.

Anyway, Information blah blah blah. Fuck I'm so tired, can't wait till PAX is over. Also hang in there Danny, also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : v.2495 Issue : People : Shot Me Down

Issue : Games : Lucio

Nope, Nope... I just don't get it. I really don't.

How does this keep happening? Why does it keep happening? There had to be a discussion around this. There had to be a meeting called where the designers and the writers and the brand managers and the producers sat down in a room together to green light this guy. And for it to get this far every single on of them said, "Eh, this isn't gonna be at least a little suspect."

Ok, wait, let me back up. There is this game coming out soon. It looks fun. It's called Overwatch. It's like, TF2, well, it looks a lot like TF2, but there are other things to it as well. It seems fun, and it is fun, I have played builds. It's fun. Ok. But.. they recently introduced a character.... Lucio. He Black, he on roller skates. He uses some kind of fuckin' boombox. Man, this can't be life.

I get it, it's not that big a deal, but it doesn't seem that hard. DON"T USE TROPES! JUST DON"T. We have T.HAWK. Coletrain. Goddamn... Every minority video game character ever. Maybe designers think they are exempt. Maybe they are. I don't know.

He has dreads. He feels Brazilian. He seems super into Techno. When he unleashes his special he says, "LET"S DROP DA BEAT!" I may be over reacting because that's how black people always talk. I say that like three times an hour.

I'm tired of this shit. Video games are a gigantic waste of time and I have begun to take them way to seriously. I mean, this guy is fun and flirty. He is outgoing, eccentric, and his move set is in line with the core game play. I need to lighten up.

Anyway, check out Overwatch when it comes out because it's not all racist. I think. But now that I look at the character designs closely, well, shit.

I hope information is on the run. It's not like there isn't reason to be. November is coming sooner than we think. Also hang in there and also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape Volume 1100002 Issue : People : PopIN

Issue : Games : Brain Age

Satoru Iwata made video games for a company named Nintendo of America. You might not know the guys name off the top of your head but trust me, if you have ever touched a Nintendo controller the guy made some stuff you have played.

He was also a video game business man. He probably created some systems you have played on as well. And as reports go, he was one of the warmest, funniest, and most patient businessmen to be found in the land of the rising sun. A place where this video game stuff can be very, very serious business.

Actually, there is nothing to say about him that hasn't been said better elsewhere. Nope, not even that. The man's life speaks for itself. Sleep well Mr. Iwata, and thanks.

Well, that's that then I guess... Ok, then I hope information oh wait there was something else I wanted to talk about last post and didn't get a chance to. It was something about business cards and returning calls if someone gives you a business card.Something about that being the most important thing to do post event because it solidifies a relationship with your peers and your reputation in business hinges on how promptly and effectively you communicate.

Not that I follow my own advice or anything. I'm terrible. Or something like that. I don't know, I just at a cookie. I shouldn't even be up.

Oh also congrats to Mega Ran for blowing up, hardest working guy in the Protoculture. Also sorry if I missed you at Comic-con, or if you were in cos, say something, cause, you are in a costume. Get ya puns up. I don't know. Oh also congrats to the supreme court for finally making a good decision. Now everybody gets to be miserable. Oh also JERBZ.


The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Geist

Issue : Games : Mad Libz

The Electronic Entertainment Expo is a thing that happens every year in June. It remains a thing because video game companies descend upon the LA Convention center to show the world what they have been up to for the last year. That's cool.

It would be easy to think that E3 is about video games industries engaging with fans in celebration of who we are and what we love to do, but it's not. It's about marketing and public relations. We as an industry go there to engage in growth, networking, conversion, and mindshare. Fan's are entitled and go there to get free stuff and see things first so they can tell their friends they saw all the things already. Also fans can't get in (they get in).

There is barely a person in the building not involved in some way or another with the industry. Indentured remora desperately hanging to the side of a blood mad shark. Our feet hurt, our smiles are premeditated, we are hungover, our voice is one interview from mutiny, and we are above all simply crawling through another day at work.

People really love to poo-poo this fact, but it;s hard not to understand why it exists and persists. Video games and the things video games run on cost a lot of money to make, and it's not a Field of Dreams situation. You can build it, but you aren't guaranteed they will come.

So we go out there to make as much noise as possible, make it all seem like a really big deal, so the company can make more money, the creators can feel like the product sold on the strength of it's merit, and everyone can keep their jobs for another year. Such is life.

There are two kinds of meetings that take place at E3, closed door and informal. Closed door is on a schedule, and the closed door silent agreement is to respect each others time. There is a structure to a closed door, a rhythm, and a finite space to sit in that chair. Informal meetings, now they can be tricky.

These informal meeting happen while you are hanging out in the front of your booth, they happen while you are walking to grab lunch or a smoke, they happen when you have free time to roam the floor (just kidding, you will never have time to do this). These type of altercations can get tricky because people don't know when to shut the fuck up and let you live, and there is no silent rule telling them not to. It's the goddamn wild west.

Here is how I have learned to reign it in. I believe if an informal takes you longer than eight minutes to get out of you are not doing life right. I use the Madlibs minute method. Here is how it goes:

M1 - 3 v.1 (Know the person): Holy hell __name____! You salty dog! What's up it's been forever!

M1 - 3 v.2 (Don't know the person): Ok wow nice to meet you __find out name____. So, [make sweeping motion around the hall] this is so crazy right!

This is the intro phase, take thirty seconds to establish or reestablish a rapport. It helps later when you or they are going to ask for something, probably money or product. Ask about their trip, ask about their kids, ask about anything personal, nothing about work. This establishes the tempo of the dance.


-----------------------------
 
M3 - 6: (Know the person): Ok, so are you still at __company__. How is it over there? I heard they __share industry tidbit___.

M3 - 6 (Don't know the person): So you are over at __company__. You guys are doing really great things! Whats next?

This is the meat, this is where you talk about work. Not tipping what you wan't, nothing too revealing, keep in mind this is still an operative for a competing lord. Listen to what they are giving and respond accordingly. As you go, find places to segway into the pitch, or to get them to tell you why they are really standing there talking to you, because it's usually never just to catch up.

---------------------------------


M4 - 8: (Know the person): Alright, I hear that... Well speaking about that there is something I wanted to ask you about ___your wants___. Is there a way we could work ___your wants___ into __their wants__? Would you be open to hopping on a call to chat further?

M4 - 8: (Don't know the Person): That is just great, so glad to hear that worked out. Actually I am really glad I ran into you because I feel ___my wants__ in __a semi shared objective__ align well to the goals of your company. We should set up a call to talk further.

This is it, the finale. This is the part where business cards come into play. If you find yourself at one of these events, first of all have a business card, second, when someone gives you their card make sure to look directly at it and test the card stock, make a really big deal about it so they know you consider it important and through the transitive property them as well.

After this sacred ritual has occurred, no more talky, it is time to go, but always make sure to mention a party that might be happening or suggest going over to check out their thing, although you both know it's never going to happen, it's polite. And that's it, there are other ways to go about an informal, and they are probably better, but that is how I do, so that's what I wrote.

Fuuuuck, I wrote a lot of things. This is one boring post, which is ok, because I want to stress how boring and soul sapping E3 is if you work the event. You feel like a musician that woke up one day at a music festival but instead of playing music you are the promoter. Everyone else is dancing or singing or drinking, and there you are behind the curtain watching facilities rig a twenty something USC post grad Tifa to a pulley, and wondering how traffic is going to be on the way home, because you just want to go to sleep. Fuck video games.

Anyway, I hope information makes it out to Comicon, there was no swag to be had at E3 so don't bother hitting me up asking, and Polygon gave Batman a ten? Really? Polygon goes to ten? Also, keep pushing, you are amazing and you deserve it all. I need you to believe that. Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : v.2984 Issue : People : Boochie