Being black means putting up with tons of shit in order to simply be yourself.
The best part is if you are black and doing something out of the "Black Box" of activities associated with blackness the shit comes from absolutely everywhere. To most blacks you are a traitor, to most everyone else you are an amusing oddity. This will not ever be overtly stated, but will be implied every day through some permutation of the same Ol' jazz standards.
Examples:
"You are not black."
"I (a person not black) am blacker than you"
"You remind me of [Insert black character from thirty year old Sitcom]"
"You are not like...them (Them: Your race, culture, family)"
Next come the tests. Black people will test your blackness, everyone else will test your nerd credibility. Every...single...day. It's classic Gaslighting, top to bottom, and all of the tests are rigged.
Historically I have had the hardest time with my own people. Everyone else may chuckle or dismiss, but black people... wow. It's much better now, but a black kid skateboarding down a California block in the 90's was a rabbit in the jungle. A quick lunch for any predator.
Survival wasn't easy but I was lucky enough to have Jo-Jan. She told me when she was young she dreamed of a day where a kid like me could do anything I wanted to do, and it made her very proud to see me doing just that. She also said fuck what people think. I took that to heart.
I drove home to see her on Thanksgiving. She sat in her chair and made me set up the table like we used to do when I was a kid. "A little to the left baby." "The yams don't go there." "Push the whole table toward me a little bit, but don't spill."
Her attention to detail always got on my nerves. I looked up at her after the fourth table adjustment and she gave me that smirk that lets me know she had been fucking with me for the last ten minutes.
She passed away last night. I didn't know that was how we were going to say goodbye. I wish I told her I would not be who I am if not for her, I love her, and she means the world to me. I thought I would be able to tell her on Christmas.
Sorry Information, take a knee. This Mixtape is for one person.
The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Jo-Jan
