I can’t bring myself to play the MechWarrior online Beta,
for fear I will never return. I can say that comfortably, because I know exactly
what’s waiting for me in there.
Lost nights perusing the shop, c-bills burning a hole
through my dungarees, caressing the static mesh of Ferro Fibrous armor, gazing
doe eyed into the cavernous abyss of chromed out double heat sinks. Veraciously assembling arms, legs, and guns on a bolt chest chassis by way of some Mary Shelly-esque
techromancy in a blissfully Sisyphean effort to attain perfect balance of heat
spill, mass, and critical space.
It happened with Front Mission, happened
with Robotech, happened with Gundam. It happened with all of the MechWarrior
titles before this. I love Mechanized combat, I am an addict in remission, in
hiding, which is why I cannot under any circumstances play an online MechWarrior
game. Not even once.
The closest to the feeling I get thinking about returning to the cockpit is when I hear people speak of getting lost in WoW. The faint tint of
Aspartame on their breath when they claim to be “So happy they unsubbed.” The
fear in their eyes cultivated by stifled understanding that it’s patiently waiting
on some URL to yank them back the moment they get comfortable. It’s not even escape at that point. An addiction they never truly beat, just outran.
I started the download while writing this, got way too
sexual somewhere around “double heat sinks.” It was good run, had a job, friends,
just bought a bed, so close to the semblance of a life. I wonder what the world
will look like when I get back. Swiiiiiing
Loooooowww, Sweeet Charrrriiiiooooot, Commmin for to carry me Hoooooommmeeee.
