You can tell a Steam sale has you by the balls when everything they are offering, you already own. Pack it up when that happens, its over. Valve owns you. There were only five games I had not previously purchased offered during the Autumn sale. I bought them all. I should feel shame. I do not.
One of them was Sonic something or other. Why would I do that? When would I find time to play that? And where would my enjoyment from it come... I said to myself as I installed and pressed play. It turned out to be some new style sonic, the type where the camera is behind him and every movement is out of your control and he ends up kissing human females at the end probably.
The weird thing is that there is also the old sonic in there, the one where he is shorter and the camera is to the side of him and you are allowed the illusion of control and he probably ends up kissing Tails at the end. Or so Tails wishes. You know what's going down there. Tails' closet probably looks like a shrine to Sonic. I can't be the only person catching that whiff.
Anyway, here is the weirdest thing... And also where the shame comes in. I like the game. I would have never gotten ten barefoot steps near it if thanks to the steam store it would have been cheaper not to play it. Which is what I said to myself in order to click the checkout button. Wasn't funny then, not funny now. But there it is, I am naked before you, the newborn unicorn, a fan of a modern Sonic game. What does this say about me? Was Charles Hamilton right all along? Why isn't there a Sonic's around here? Shits all the way in Temecula for Knuckles' sake. May as well be on Mars. I just... Oh yeah and Jerbz.
The Protoculture Mixtape v.135 : Issue : People : Eggman
