Default Tester

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Join Default Tester and save the Galaxy. Service guarantees citizenship. Would you like to know more?

Great question. If I only had one video I could play it would be this.

Oh crap sorry! Extra Credits! Along with Heathcliff, I dedicate this story to the following people, in no particular order:

Ada Lovelace

Kurt Vonnegut

Bill Gates

Steve Jobs

Grace Hopper

Ray Kurzweil

Gabe Newell

Barack Obama

Michelle Obama

The Fam

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Issue : Games : Gaslamping

Being black means putting up with tons of shit in order to simply be yourself.

The best part is if you are black and doing something out of the "Black Box" of activities associated with blackness the shit comes from absolutely everywhere. To most blacks you are a traitor, to most everyone else you are an amusing oddity. This will not ever be overtly stated, but will be implied every day through some permutation of the same Ol' jazz standards.

"You are not black."
"I (a person not black) am blacker than you"
"You remind me of [Insert black character from thirty year old Sitcom]"
"You are not like...them (Them: Your race, culture, family)"

Next come the tests. Black people will test your blackness, everyone else will test your nerd credibility. It's classic Gaslighting, top to bottom, and all of the tests are rigged.

Historically I have had the hardest time with my own people. Everyone else may chuckle or dismiss, but black people... wow. It's much better now, but a black kid skateboarding down a California block in the 90's was a rabbit in the jungle. A quick lunch for any predator.

Survival wasn't easy but I was lucky enough to have Jo-Jan. She told me when she was young she dreamed of a day where a kid like me could do anything I wanted to do, and it made her very proud to see me doing just that. She also said fuck what people think. I took that to heart.

I drove home to see her on Thanksgiving. She sat in her chair and made me set up the table like we used to do when I was a kid. "A little to the left baby." "The yams don't go there." "Push the whole table toward me a little bit, but don't spill."

Her attention to detail always got on my nerves. I looked up at her after the fourth table adjustment and she gave me that smirk that lets me know she had been fucking with me for the last ten minutes.

She passed away last night. I didn't know that was how we were going to say goodbye. I wish I told her I would not be who I am if not for her, I love her, and she means the world to me. I thought I would be able to tell her on Christmas.

Sorry Information, take a knee. This Mixtape is for one person.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Jo-Jan

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Issue : Games : Reception

The San Diego Chargers are an ephemeral sports team.

A solid base ten ago I was a student way too into video games to care about journalism and my roommate was way too into sports to care about journalism. So instead of doing what we were drowning in student loans to accomplish we sat around an played video games and watched sports.

I was never a devout "sports-er." My dad placed a ball in front of me, my mom placed a book. I told them both I can't be bothered with either because Super Mario Brothers 3 is lit as fuck and they needed to stop whatever they were doing an play it. There weren't feeling that answer so I played sports and read books until my childhood concluded, then went back to my game.

My roommate was the same, but with sports. A fly on the wall would be convinced we hated the things we love based on the things we said about them. We spent our days swapping Dennis Miller style sermons on our respective disciplines.

For instance, I would inform him that Grand Theft Auto was more than a "Sociopath Simulator." It is also a misogynist power fantasy, and fun. And he would inform me that a sports draft was important in the moment because it wasn't easy to, as I stated, "Just buy a better slave later."

We would split the difference with sports video games. The battlefield was either baseball or football games. He would whip me relentlessly in both which deeply hurt my one feeling. Contrary to how much practice I get, I am not a fan of loosing, and I am even less a fan of losing at something I have done every single day of my life. It didn't click in my head until later that I was pressing buttons, whereas he was executing on techniques he had studied daily. It was bullshit.

Later on in life I found myself testing MLB the Show where I took out years of repressed anger on a test bay full of kids. Every head I took I would place on an imaginary hill, a hill of sculls I would one day climb in order to destroy my roommate. By this time he had married and moved out, so my plan was to call him up one day, somehow lead the conversation to a quick game of The Show "For old times sake," fumble around with the controls for a bit, then give him a crispy molly-whopping.

All of the above happened except the molly-whopping came from him. I put the controller down, made up an excuse about work the next day, and cried a little bit in the car on the way home. I refuse to play sports game with him anymore, because he is not worth my goddamn time, and that is the only reason.

Anyway, I speak of this because he is doing well, and I can't stand that either. Check him out on Mighty 1090, or Bolts From the Blue. It's always weird when I'm in a conversation pretending to care about sports and the person I'm talking to mentions something he made or said. I think, "psh, fuck that guy. I should give him a call."

I hope information figures out a way to live with the Raiders again. Don't worry, the bay area is terrified as well. Some Montague and Capulet shit right there. Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Fumble

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Issue : Games : Paroxysm

Just Cause 3 is a game about totalitarianism.

In it some dude comes home to find his country controlled by some other dude who is being a power drunk jerk. So the dude decides to do something about the power drunk jerk, and that thing turns out to be literally blowing the country up one building at a time and shooting people in red, then replacing the stuff that was red with blue.

Real talk that is the whole game. There is a grapple mechanic in there that makes it feel like a spider man video game made by Robert Rodriquez but for the most part that is the whole game. Worst part is that's all it needs to be fun, and it succeeds.

My favorite part about this title is that I love to complain about the lack of diversity in main characters and here is a game full of diverse characters (outside the random CIA Texas boy trope but let's be fair we have a lot of interests in banana republics and some of the old spooks are just like that) and I spent the better part of the game not thinking about it at all. No acknowledging it, really. I guess that's good?

Anyway, I didn't want to point out a game full of Mexicans because I don't think it's... Ok, I have just been informed they are not Mexicans... I'ts just that you live in California enough you just expect everyone that speaks Spanish to be Mexican and... I feel so Steve Harvey right now. Is this what sorry feels like?

Listen I know everybody skips right to the job board and videos anyway so I hope information... Actually no lets just get it out there. Thank you Mei for the real talk. Everyone hates the name Default : Tester? How has no one spoken up about this until now? Is it because I'm a stubborn, pigheaded jerk that can't take criticism of any kind without loosing my butt and blaming the messenger?

Ok, well.. that's fair... Still disagree and can't stand any of you, but that's fair. Ok, so time for a new name, any suggestions? Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : RICO

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