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Great question. If I only had one video I could play it would be this.

Oh crap sorry! Extra Credits! Along with Heathcliff, I dedicate this story to the following people, in no particular order:

Ada Lovelace

Kurt Vonnegut

Bill Gates

Steve Jobs

Grace Hopper

Ray Kurzweil

Gabe Newell

Barack Obama

Michelle Obama

The Fam

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Issue : People : Barley

A long time ago I was an alcoholic. Nah, I am still an alcoholic,  just haven't had anything to drink in a long time. If I went out and drank again I wouldn't be an alcoholic right away, but I would keep drinking until I became the alcoholic I was a long time ago all over again. I can be very persistent when it comes to something I like.

I like getting drunk because it makes stuff go away for a couple hours. It's like a mana buff, and if you drink enough you get to a sweet spot where everything feels ok and you can speak and the panic attacks are gone and you are friendly and wise and strong and cool. But the new me is a lot like the old me in persistence. I would black out, and the new me would take the wheel for the length of time the elixir was in my system.

It's like that old book where the guy drank something and would wake up on a busy street covered in his own vomit, or would have to figure out where everything he owned was all over again, one thing at a time, like a detective, or people in his life would get in touch to ask who stole his body last night for a joyride, because sure as sunshine it wasn't him in there. That type of thing.

The first time I blacked out I was stoked, because I was hurting. Some guys jumped me while I was skating over a bridge and worked me over pretty bad. They had been stalking me for weeks due to umbrage taken in my graffito name being on a wall they had claimed earlier. It was a wooden overhang bridge over a Levi, three guys stood on the end of one side of the bridge, and when I got into the middle, I realized there where two guys approaching behind me.

I recognized the guys in front of me and knew there would be a problem, eh, I just figured they wanted to posture and let me know who was boss of the bridge, until some guy punched me in the back of the head. Then yelling, something sharp against my rib, yelling, and other loud sounds that sounded really far away. I swung my board wildly, convincing myself that I might live if I could swim past the fists and get off the bridge.

And I did, I got past them and bolted, until one of them tripped me. I remember thinking, "what the fuck?" Everything was in slow mo. Then all of the sudden I hear a loud voice say "WHAT'S GOING ON OVER THERE!" It was some dude working on his lawn. The guys heard him and bolted, I was going to bolt as well, but when I started up it hurt too much to move. 

The guy took me into his house and cleaned me up, he asked if I wanted to get the police involved, I politely declined. Then he gave me a beer, said "shit happens, shake it off," and let me go. I couldn't go home because my mom would lose her shit if she saw me in that state, so I walked my board to my buddies house and drank Seagrums 7 until I blacked out, and woke up on the bathroom floor next to a chick I had never seen before. It was a pretty bad day, but I'm still alive, so I can't really complain. 

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