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Great question. If I only had one video I could play it would be this.

Oh crap sorry! Extra Credits! Along with Heathcliff, I dedicate this story to the following people, in no particular order:

Ada Lovelace

Kurt Vonnegut

Bill Gates

Steve Jobs

Grace Hopper

Ray Kurzweil

Gabe Newell

Barack Obama

Michelle Obama

The Fam

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Issue: Games: Lost Power

Here is the thing. If I am stricken with amnesia and at every juncture solving puzzles involving conveniently placed fuze's and circuit boards, I am going to just assume that my past involved this kind of work. This would also be the case if I was running from splicers in an underground post Utopian hell, but still had time to direct water across a board or whatever the fuck you were doing to open doors in Bioshock.

I am not an electrician. I want everyone (especially game developers) to know this. I want to scream it from the rooftops. Taking voltage from one side of an electrical panel and distributing it evenly through a circuit is about as fun to me as having my pubic hairs removed by tweezers. Just so you know.  Games like Bioshock and Lost: Via Domus, seem to not have gotten the memo that I, in fact, have no Thomas Alva Edison swag. 

In the case of Lost especially, this puzzle element drastically hinders the flow of the game. situations that call for immediate action, tense situations where you don't know what is coming next, are derailed at their apex by these antiquated, filler, Myst-esqe,puzzles that would make even Steven Hawking type under his breath "For fuck sake..."

Uh oh, the plane I think I may have been on just violently crashed and is leaking fuel. Something needs to be done! I better run around and collect fuzes, cause when I complete a circuit on this electrical panel that gas is getting shut the fuck off!

Damn homie, I lost my camera and laptop, because I am a Photojournalist, that does electricity work as a side gig, apparently, and they are stowed in an electrically locked overhead compartment of the airplane that was ripped in half, but it can regain full power if I just put a fuze... there! Got it!

Aww shit, I'm in the hydra station and I am about to escape my captors. They are on the other side of this door, but how do I get to them? Fuck, man, I wish there was a... Oh there it is! A goddamn electrical box! Good thing all these random fuzes I have been picking up from the jungle floor and they left on my person after the strip search are compatible with every circuit box on the island! Can' no gwan preezon owld I! 

The whole, "putting puzzles in adventure games to lengthen play time," thing, needs to go to hell if the puzzles themselves cannot even be properly put into context within the world of the game. I don't remember Locke ever having to collect fuzes to escape a hatch lock down. 

The whole situation reeks of either laziness or a misplaced pretension on the developers part that fans wouldn't look past the "Razzle Dazzle" of having thier favorite characters from the show staring back at them through an uncanny valley.

They were at best pandering to the Idea of viewers of Lost being "smarter" than the average television viewer, and in doing so created what they thought would "challenge" us, or assumed that this smarter viewer was too busy reading Faust in braille while completing black belt level Sudoku puzzles blindfolded with their penises to play little "pew-pew games," and integrating plausibly challenging puzzles germane to the source material was not necessary to rake in the moo-la. 

And that ending... Ehh. It wasn't bad. 

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