Issue : Games : Prestidigitation

 

Assasins Creed Shadows is a game about Geopositioning. 

A long time ago I was a mess. I ran with other messes, just seemed to make the most sense at the time. We spent a lot of our time in messy environments. Again, seemed like the move. Thing is, our messy environment happens to have a very storied, sustained, and intense, history of messiness. But that is not the whole story.

For instance, this part is where they imprisoned the Japanese during the war, and in the distance, those are the farms they took away and never gave back. And that street is where Mr. Chavez walked, forming the agricultural labor relations act in his wake, that type of mess.

Anyway, its always disheartening when im in the City at one of those Moscone gaming events and hear visitors from my gaming guild talk down on the valley every time the subject is brought up. I hate it because I have to do that messy thing I do, that thing my enviornent trained me to do, when all I really want to do is grab some swag and see the handfull of actual friends i've made on this server, who I rarely get to see in real life.

The conversation usually goes like:

Them: You still live in the valley? It's dirty and gross and mean.

Me: Have you been?

Them: No, but I don't need to do drugs to know I don't like them.

Me: Agreed, but I would trust somone in recoverys experiences over your opinion.

Them: Sounds like you speak from experience. (smirks at group for validation)

Me: Yup, I just said I live in the valley. But yeah, maybe it's better you stay in the Bay, where it's safer.

People assume the guy that the town Stockton is named after to be some horrible dude, but in reality Robert F. Stockton was a US Navy Commodore who helped abolish flogging as an official punishment, pushed for the technical advancment of the Navy with the steam engine, and delegated the peace conference of 1861 to try and stop the civil war from happening, arguing that black folks are cool and M'urica was doing to much (it didn't go well). 

Earned him the distinction of being an American military guy with a river in Africa named after him. Its a tidal channel that connects the Mesurado River and the Saint Paul River, and that separates Bushrod Island from the mainland in Monrovia, Liberia. If you wanted to check it out sometime.

Whatever, im just thinking out loud. And don't worry info, time isn't what you think it is, and I'm always around, even if the status says offline. Rip TB Rip TC Rip Tall-T. Love is wise hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : Hiatus

Issue : People : Draconian

 

Unpacking is a game about decluttering.

A long time ago I trafficked drugs. Legally, of course. All above board, just two black teens driving an unmarked white van full of exotic class A's servicing central valley's worst hoods in the nineties'. Kids, please listen when I say the nineties were on some whole different shit. And it was still somehow an drastic improvement to the eighties.

Everyone was appropriately mortified when I told them what I did for work, sure that nerdy old me would be snatched up by the jungle in no time. The only ones who weren't were my family, who had seen me walk ass backward through hells labyrinths without a singe so many times that they regarded me as The Fool of tarot card legend. A real deal, movie style, lucky idiot.

And they were right, I got through years of that job without a scratch. Caught none of the ailments our patients had, developed no bad habits I didn't have before, crossed no man nor beast, and walked the breadth of the shadow of the valley unharmed. The hardest part of the job for me were the goddamn clients families.

There was this one patient dying of something or other in a southside project. Covered in psoriasis, emaciated, eyes slipping in and out of the uncanny valley, normal shit. Anyway, his son paid the rent and medical for the place, a lawyer or something, and he would be there from time to time when we showed up, pacing and smoking while yelling at his dad, all types of foul shit. Then when he had his fill he would flick the cigarette at him and walk out, never acknowledging us.

After he left his dad would say stuff like "That's my son, he's a big time lawyer, so proud of him." The dad died alone in the dark one random night, when we walked in the room his body smelled like shit and almonds.That lawyer kid is now a popular politician and I often wonder what twenty five years of the type of unchecked hate I saw in his eyes back then could metastasize into. But, I mean, he's smiling on tv so maybe he's better now.

Anyway, looking back I still feel like an idiot for selling an original Chrono Trigger carriage back to FunColand for like eight dollars. Fuckin' dummy. Oh, and we did a lot of packing in that gig which is why I bring it up. Unpacking is a really good game too, btw.

Rip TB Rip TC Rip Tall-T. Love is wise hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : XxxxxXxxX

Issue : Games : Passel

 

First Class Trouble is a game about next steps.

I recently learned that people think im "chill." That's hilarious, because every person that actually knows me that read that sentence just shook their head in unison. I know for a fact that if asked, they would all describe me as some version of a creepy doll that just sits there staring into your soul, judgingly. But they would postface it with, "No disrespect tho, that's my boy."

I even have a signature odor which my buddy dubbed "Menthol Treachery." It's the alchemic product of an unwashed army jacket soaking in marijuana, menthol cigarettes, and untreated depression for twenty plus years. I quit smoking a few years back but they say it still hangs on me like a phantom limb.

People also say I'm very accepting, which is a fuckin lie. I am one hundred percent intolerant to a specific group of people and they to me. A war I was born into and that will continue till all that are left are better people than both of us. The other group on my shitlist are people in socks and sandals.

Roman straps, Gucci slides, I hate them all. I hate that I live in a world where a twenty two year old kid can walk into work wearing a pair of neon green Croks covered in PAX pins and I just have to sit there and live my life.

Like, it started with a homie being like, I'mma just go get the mail in my slippers. No one said a thing, it's calm. Then it was like, "I'mma pop into the corner store, want anything?" And you worry that they just walked out in house shoes because like, why house shoes if not in the house? but it's no biggie, it's chill. Cut to them just getting up and going to work in fuckin' Calvin and Hobbes themed socks wrapped in Birkenstocks and they are a whole Astrophysicist and you wish California would fall into the goddam sea.

If this is what all those people who bugged out and told me to pull up my pants felt like all the time, then, well, I get it now. I'm sorry, but I do. What was I talking about? Oh right First Class Trubs. It's just The Ship, you ain't fooling anybody Lance. No disrespect tho, it's a fun game. 

Oh and to all the people coming in hot about what I said about crypto and how I'm no longer an "ally." Listen, I'll be clear. One, I never was, you just kept hearing yes, and two It's not about the technology, it's not about government control, it's about you being overwhelmingly untrustworthy. Like, it's a trait you humblebrag about for fuck sake. And bullying people into not challenging crypto is...I can't... soft skills, we talked about this yea? Godspeed you intrepid sociopath, godspeed.

Rip TC Rip TB Rip Tall-T. Love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : XxxxXX        

Issue : People : Scion

 

The Last Campfire is a game about the way home.

It's disheartening, watching people almost grasp a fundamental understanding of intrinsic value, only to face that bridge trolls question, "If everything's value is only what someone says it is, then what are you worth?" and run screaming back into Plato's cave to tell everyone about the time spent in the struggle.

Can't blame em' totally tho. Marketers got so good at selling air in plastic bags that they are basically playing against the computer. Like a time trial in Mario Cart where you are racing against the ghost of Toad, but Toad is paper money and you are playing as an NFT of paper money Toad and the game is actually a Berkshire-Hathaway interactive ad for racetrack real-estate where the controllers don't really work, they just predict hella good. 

The conversation usually goes:

Person 1: NFT's and Bitcoin are bullshit! They aren't real!

Person 2: Facts. But are canvas art and paper money real? 

Person 1: Of course. I can see and feel them. I can buy and spend them.

Person 2: Ah, thanks for the background.

Person 1: Look, all I'm saying is I like to feel a book, see my art and spend my money.

Person 2: But we are at a climate change meeting, run by socialists.

Person 1: I can want both ok!

Person 2: I'm going home.

I will say that the architects of crypto are some of the most morally bankrupt people on earth, its foot soldiers are literal fuckin idiots, it's detractors are medieval farmers with Wi-fi, and all the projections point to it only going one way for the next 22 years. But to keep it a buck, I can replace the word "crypto" with pretty much anything going on today, and we haven't walked a mile from the problem.

Shout's to info, and don't feel bad. Let em' meet Pandora, turn off their toys for a bit, show the eat the rich crowd who's actually crudités. Just gonna end up in the same cul-du-sac using those strats. But hey, do u. Also rip tb, tc, Tall-T. Also love is wise, hatred is unwise, get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Intransigent

Issue : People : Dedication

 

Sable is a game about headspace.

I got this one kid on the roster who's stream is lit, Tik is crazy, and acquires new fools like Pokemon. It's not the algorithm, it's not the honeypot digital marketing tactics, it's them, they are naturally talented and charismatic. A born star, and that's the problem.

All talent are insecure wrecks, this is known, but in the pre-internet days the famous were spared the numbers, by design. The studio told you the show/song was a hit, then you could tell how famous you were in three easy steps:

• You consistently get stuck in awkward conversations at Albertsons
• A person you never met before takes your picture walking out of Albertsons
• You can't walk into Albertsons anymore, it's not safe for anyone.

The most famous person in the online world could stand in the middle of Albertsons all day and the only person to approach them would be security. The only proof they are famous? The numbers next to their face. A fame owned by the state, a studio system singularity where the artists are the platform. 

Reggie Fils-Aimé said, "In the restaurant business you know how well you are doing the next day." The problem with digital talent knowing how well they are doing the next second is that they don't know what they are looking at. A marketer sees a new engagement, they see a new relationship. And everytime that number goes down by one, someone broke up with them, and they don't know why. 

Talent are designed to export emotion, not import. "Fans" in parasocial relationships are designed to destroy, not build. And social media is not designed to engender twenty year careers, shit, a social media star that lasts ten years should be eligible for AARP benefits.

Anyway, oh right that kid I was talking about at the start tried to kill themselves and asked me to pop by the recovery house to talk about career next steps. I was like, gross, a human go-see. But I actually liked this kid, so whatever.

The first thing I noticed was that the recovery house allowed them to use their phone for an hour a day and I thought it an interesting tactic to let a crack addict smoke crack, but only in the morning. The artist showed me this client I had years ago, some rocker. Asked if they were like them. I said, "Yup, except they played in a room of ten people for like twenty years. Happy as a clam." They responded, "Oof, that's sad."

No moral to this story, just bookmarking the experience. Rip tb rip tc rip tall-T. Love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : flehmen

Issue : Games : Brogue

 

Life is Strange: True Colors is a game about the deep.

The day is nigh, the day Morpheus is officially announced dead. And on that day, I invite all members of the SOE QA team to hit me up to apologize. HAHAHAHA IT WAS CANON! You FOOLS!

Ok let me backup. A long time ago I worked on the QA team at Sony Online Entertainment. We handled Everquest, Star Wars Galaxies, The Matrix Online, and a bunch of other MMO's not called World of Warcraft that nobody gives a fuck about today. 

Actually, funny story about WoW is that SOE QA and GM's at the time were mostly minorities and women, because we were the only ones with the perfect combination of desperation, competency, and learned helplessness to keep the job. And the players of a proto-incel cyber-gang called Legacy of Steel, would harass us constantly, saying some of the most vile, racist, misogynist shit imaginable because we weren't human to them, or we got paid so it was ok, or they thought we liked it... I dunno, I'm not them.

Anyway, the worst of them would go on to create WoW and Overwatch, run Blizzard, and become game thought and moral leaders while spitting out v.2's of themselves behind the scenes. So to describe what is happening to them now as anything less than orgasmic would be an understatement. Thoughts and prayers.

But enough about that, the point is that while not being harassed we would have long discussions about the games. For instance, "Are things in Star Wars games cannon in a movie? If not, what if it appeared in a movie, would the rest of  game be canon by default?" I championed the idea that Morpheus was dead in the game, and destined to be dead in the film series, and I got laughed out of the bay. "HE'S A MAIN!" "NOT POSSIBLE!!" Etc... You get the drift.

Anyway, I know you guys still read this, you ain't got anything better to do. Please take a gander at that trailer, you bums. See any Morpheus? I see somebody that looks like his kid. I know you feel the vibe. You gotta listen to me, I got my finger on the pulse. When this movie comes out I want a gift basket, minimum. Lana Wachowski, I love you.

That's six paragraphs already?!? Ugh, I gotta learn to write one of these days. Anyway, shouts to info, rip tb rip tc rip tall-T. Love is wise, and hate is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : Guardian

Issue : People : Lollygag

 

Fortnite | March Through Time is a game in a game about progress.

This game has once again turned my dm's into a slip and slide asking for hot takes. "Aren't I appalled, spalding, ball ?" "How many rolls has MLK done in his grave thanks to this?" Oh, and my favorite "I thought they couldn't do worse than putting Harriet Tubman on the dollar but they did, now validate my worldview in that snarky yet noncommittal way you do!"

Listen: I won't bury the lead. I love it, here's why:

Oh wait actually before that let's get in front of few of things. "March Through Time" is an interactive demonstration that takes place within a hyper-violent weapons based battle royale, this is true. But real life America is a hyper-violent, weapons based, battle royale, and that is the server MLK played on. So what type of facts are those? 

Also, this interactive demonstration was not made by a soulless corp as a cash grab, it was made by JuVee, ChaseJackman, GQuanoe, XWDFr, and YU7A ; teams of talented black creators and game devs that knocked it out of the park. But by all means, keep rapping off the head about the made up corp creeps. Do they work in the basement of a pizza parlor too?

Last thing to get out of the way is I ask to please stop being offended for the man. I believe MLK would have enjoyed everything about this project because was a big fuckin' nerd who is literally the reason Star Trek stayed Star Trek. 

So yeah, I love it. More please. The lionshare of people I run into that don't enjoy it are the people you would expect to not enjoy it, for reasons so predictable you can set your watch to them. The other group of people are the exact type of people MLK wrote about in that Birmingham Jail. 

There is always some mysterious right time and place with them. They never know when or where, just not here and now. Meanwhile hate's digital marketing and event plans are fuckin' lit. They are Shaq in the 90's breaking backboards while the armies of love are livestreaming from the stands. I know it's been twenty years and you probably won't, but please, I'm begging you, click the link at the top, download the game, play it for yourself, and form your own opinions. It's free. 

Also shouts to information. Help me win the crew's bingo night and just tell me which boogeyman I am to them this week. You're adorable. Keep at it, almost there. Also rip TB rip tc rip Tall-T. love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : Apogee

Default Tester : Issue : Games : Undulant

 

Grime is a game about shock and awe.

A long time ago I was a squid, I mean, I'm still a squid, but I was then too. I'm an ordie (I.Y.A.O.Y.A.S) and we... ah fuck it im not explaining this all over again just read this for the gratuitous exposition. My ascent to floor boss of the armory was fast, part because my competition were other ordies and we pride ourselves in being some of the dumbest people doing the dumbest job in the dumbest military on earth.

My unfair advantage is that at the time I played AoE,C&C, and Sid Meiers: Alpha Centauri obsessively and maxed out my resource management stat before I showed up to MEPS. I ran the armory like a bar where the first drink spilled would be the last drink spilled, and for a time I was literally Isaac from the opposite of  love boat to every fighter squadron, navy seal, marine, nuke, MP and anyone else who required a gun or explosive to get through the day.  

And then 9/11 happened, and the navy went from floating fortress of peace to howling visage of Azrael barreling full speed toward the middle east hella quick. Didn't bother me none though, because the one thing that strategy games taught me above all is that in systems designed for war there is no such thing as peace, only "staging periods." And what you do in those times define how it goes when hell shows up.

So when hell finally did show up we stayed calm and carried on. Our armory became well known as one of the most efficient, dependable and solid in the fleet, which is a big deal. Oh right, I guess civilians wouldn't know that military services like laundry and commissary are the same as the regular world just no Yelp. You have to figure out on your own which Popeyes to go to.

Being good at this job was the worst decision I ever made in my life, because forward bases in the war theater were going up fast and I was asked (just kidding, ordered) to go and help. I thought to myself, "I can't possibly teach people to play Command and Conquer that fast." Turns out I was right.

So I got dumped off in the dirt here, there, wherever. In places I couldn't pronounce working with shitty master chiefs and gunnies. Issuing weapons to people, and only the weapons returning. Working with press-ganged citizens who were way more scared of us than the enemy, and fellow NATO military who took to the work of demolishing the next two fertile crescent generations, like their bitch ass daddies and daddies' daddies' did before them, with pure, unadulterated glee. We get to be heroes, after all.

As I watched Kabul fall in the safety of my home on the other side of the world, trying to avoid thinking of the people I  trained there who are long dead or will certainly die soon, the friend who picked me up from the airport in San Diego after my final WESTPAC because the Navy was too cheap to pay for my ride home texed "How do you feel?" I told them, "We lost that war 20 years ago. I'm relieved we are finally ready to admit it." 

Shouts to info. Run, don't think, just run. Rip TB, Rip TC rip Tall - T. Love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Swells

Default Tester : Issue : Games : Garnish

 

Tribes of Midgaurd is a game about crowdsourcing.

I had an epiphany during a convo with one of the little turds here in the get along gang about skateboarding in the Olympics. I tuned out while they were droning on about how Skateboarding in the olympics was a "sellout move" and how it's a slap in the face to the purity of the sport. I didn't tune out out of disrespect tho, rather because I know there is no way to help a child through that part of their life.

It wouldn't help to tell them that the six years of them skating does not qualify them to make that statement, nor does any amount of time. It wouldn't help to tell them the olympic skateboarding organizer created 411 Video Magazine, and if he hadn't provided that marketing exposure almost no one outside of California or Hawaii would have ever picked up a board, himself included. It wouldn't help to tell him that telling me this in a Nike Skateboarding shirt is creating a hypocrisy wormhole.

So instead of listening to yet another person's insecurities projection TED talk what I did was realized that skateboardings Olympic debut is really a celebration of it reaching an Antifragility state. I know it seems absurd now, but in the early 90's skateboarding was pretty much done for and almost every person was this guy, gatekeeping the culture to death in a desperate battle for king of shit mountain.

But thanks to 411 magazine, low priced boards, and street skating, the big three barriers of entry of any activity (information/cost/access) got demolished and all the sudden you saw hood kids, punkers, preps, and everyone in between seeing themselves in the sport and contests living just fine alongside pool skating, street skating, freestyle, slalom, and so on...

If US skateboarding fell off the face of the earth Brazil and Japan would carry the torch. Some kids just post to insta without a sponsor and do just fine. Supreme, Thrasher, and Nyjah are household names. But a kid can also just buy a board and skate a parking lot all day by themselves and they are also just as valid a "skateboarder."

I consider skating America's' second indigenous art form next to jazz and the confirmation that both will far outlive us is warm and/or fuzzy. Cool, let's do gaming next. And for the record I told one of my mentors this story and they said, "Yeah, I have to tune you out like, 90% of the time..." Disrespectful.

rip tb rip tc rip tall - T. Love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Garnir

Default Tester : Issue : Games : Jeremiad

 

The Ascent is a game about Ameritrash.

An extra medium time ago I was a platform QA lead at a mobile phone game company. When you read that you probably thought of the phone in your hand and the most recent mobile game you played. Nah, think of this, and you are in the ballpark.

Back then we had to test every version of every game on every SKU. There were hundreds stored in a place we called "The Armory." All to be issued, received, and maintained countless times throughout the day. Guess who that task fell upon? But I didn't mind, it was exactly what I did in the military, cept everything at the old gig blew up. A step up, in my humble opinion.

Apple's new "iPhone" was set to launch summer of that year. I asked my boss how many we had ordered to test, and I... hahaha... I still laugh at it today... Here is what he said:

"We aren't ordering that piece of shit. Nobody is gonna buy it, it's too expensive. Nobody wants their phone to do "everything" and they don't care what it looks like. They want it to make calls and maybe play a little solitaire while they take a shit. That's it. And the touchscreen, don't even get me started! It's gonna get dirty the first day!! Have they even thought this through? Yeah we ordered a ton of Blackberry's cause we aren't fuckin' morons."  

Even back then, well before I experienced first-hand what Apple's iPhone product line would become, well before I saw what smartphones would do to this planet. Well before I really, trully, understood the catastrophic effects of the capitalistically transmitted buisness disease called hubris. I looked that man dead in his corneas for a beat, then laughed a throaty, teary eyed guffaw. He got in his feelings about it and fired me in the fall, right after his boss forced him to place the first "iphone" order. 

Listen: Gaming industry management and C-Suite are full of idiotic, gatekeeping, racist, misogynistic, man children. A perfect representation of the majority of the player base. Point blank period. And when pressed they say they were too young to judge but they were thirty fuckin' plus years old. They say no one spoke up at the time, lies. Anyone brave enough to speak up were fired to maintain the "Company Culture." They say they will do better, but they prove time and again that they don't know how. They just are not worthy leaders. 

The people who survived your attempts to kill us in this town because we dared to be intolerant to intolerance and made you uncomfortable about making people uncomfortable. We still around, so just tell the truth, especially now that it's the only move you got left. Enjoy your time on that summer jam screen.

Anyway, The Ascent is dope. The ride I been waiting for since CP 2077. Gewd shit. Also rip TB rip TC tip Tall-T. Love is wise, hate is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs.  

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Palaver

Issue : People : Flounder

 

SuchArt: Genius Artist Simulator is a game about signal attenuation.

I have no idea how these people find me, well, I do, I'm not exactly hiding, but I promise you that when it comes to this blog I am blind as Stevie Wonder to the world around me and could care less who is in the audience. I just like how the piano sounds and playing makes me happy. 

Recently one reporter respectfully doxxed me, called, and said something that has become the thesis to my existence:

"I have been reading your blog for ten years and can not explain why. At first I felt bad for you, later I realised I enjoyed your sense of humor and musical taste, but was terrified of what you might say or post next, so I didn't share. You became an imaginary friend I would check in on from time to time. But I couldn't help it, I searched you out in real life and found you won multiple awards, produced amazing products, and have tons of industry connections. So why not do more than this?"

I don't know how to help someone that reads something for ten years searching for understanding without divulging the spoiler that the person writing it is searching for the same thing. 

Over time the only constant I've found to shut a reporter up is numbers, so I gave them one. The number is 312. That is the number of people in the game industry as a direct result of this blog. Connections made, letters of recommendation sent, favors given, favors received. I'm doing everything I can to give the new kids the one thing anyone in this industry ever gave me of value; a chance.

Listen: I'll let you in on a secret only marketers know. Anyone, and I mean anyone, can produce numbers. They are the most meaningless thing on Anansi's web. The true metrics are actual human connections. Attaining those are the difference between a person saying I don't care "If" someone doesn't like me, or saying I don't care "That" someone doesn't like me. What you tell yourself vs. what you tell the world. 

Anyway, I say all that to say leave me alone; this literally was what it was, is what it is, and will be what it will be. And thanks for reading.

Rip Tb Rip TC Rip Tall-T. Love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : Carp

Issue : People : Inveigle

 

Wildermyth is a game about quest management. 

During the pandemic I swore I was inventing new coffees. I would challenge myself by picking something random in the condiment pantry and just tossing it into the pot like some lead poisoned alchemist. To say that in my mind I was changing the game, and that I believed once I got ten toes down back into society proper that Starbucks was done as a business would be an understatement.

The biggest mistake I ever made that day was telling an old friend about my new concoctions. Actually let me walk that word, friend, back. This is just a person that's been around most of my life, is a whole hate-stone, and that I don't like. But they are such a sunk cost at this point that it's like... what was I talking about?

Oh ok, yeah so I place the smoldering embers of fire born from knowledge into their hands on the call and all they can fix their mouth to do is ask questions, like those ever helped. For instance:

Me: Yeah so I made coffee with black pepper. Crazy right?

Them: Oh, like they do in Africa? 

Me: No, not unless they make it in the future. Alright, well I also made coffee with chilli powder so...

Them: So a Mexican spiced Mocha. Didn't you work at a coffee shop in college?

Me: Yeah. What's that got to do with anything?

Them: I resent how you are simultaneously this dumb and smart. But also not smart at all. I wouldn't call what you offer the world intelligence... But it's something.

Me: Thank you for saying I'm smart.

Them: I'm hanging up.

Anyway, their jealousy blinded them, obviously, so as soon as pandemic restrictions lifted in California I headed to the nearest coffee shop to tap in with my fellow mixologists and take the temperature of future franchise locations. Turns out all the stuff I made at home was already invented and available for sale at that location.

Such is life.

Btw the only moral of that story was to never ask your friends for advice because they are haters. Also shouts to information, the pandemic is far from over for us. Also shouts to McAfee, he died as he lived; fuckin' weird. Rip tb rip tc rip tall-T. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs. 

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : Victualler

Issue : Games : Majuscule

 

Chicory: A Colorful Tale is a game about the gig economy.

A short time ago I slang laptops. Top of the line, high tech stuff. How'd a stone cold moron such as myself backflip onto the head of that pin? Practice. 

But I wasn't there to be the smart guy, there were plenty of people in the company more than desperate for that role. I was there to fix a bug in their approach to courting the American hypertech market. The bug is that reason, science, and numbers are seen as an existential threat here, a chill breeze through the uncanny valley of dunning-kruger and cognitive dissonance.

The laptop had too many of those and they couldn't figure out how to explain its value proposition without using them. So they hired me, a clown/part-time sith-lord, basically the Jar-Jar Binks of tech, to use every underhanded marketing trick in the book to convince my people to pay four thousand dollars for what they want instead of five hundred dollars for what they need. Talk about eazy jobs.  

It's absolutely unnecessary to do the job using my style, but I like to learn a little about the product sometimes, so I reached out to the laptops engineer for background. He agreed to deep dive the product with me on the condition I escorted him to the Tenderloin for a sidequest. I said of course, because being one of the handpicked, curated, and consistently audited black people in tech means saying no to any co-workers request, above or below you, is basically a resignation.

During the trip back while talking about the laptops chip he said:

"The whole thing runs on a five dollar chip from Taiwan just like everything else. America is too fuckin' dumb to ever produce the chip to scale and people keep pretending like the guardrails are gonna stay in place. Psh, man... And everybody in the supply chain, they lie so confidently and have no idea what they are talking about. No offence. All it takes is China to march on Taipei, or a plague, or act of Allah, and then the forecasts break and the dominos fall and Suzie doesn't get her smart oven and there is no more farming equipment and then what man? ... America is fucked and the people that fucked it are gonna pretend they didn't see it comin'."

This was in 2014, and if it wasn't apparent the sidequest was weed. I can be honest now and say I had nooo idea what this kid was talking about at the time, it was just too high level for my Shrek brain. I get it now.

Anyway, shouts to information, well done, but special shouts to Caffeine. You stuck with my peoples through the "BET of Streaming" jokes, the cold shoulders, and the technical issues to become one of the first true green book websites and lighthouse on the new world shore. That said, please tell Mr. White to set my battle with Geechi up or be ok with the smoke. Lux is fine too. Danny if no one else answers the phone.

Rip. tc rip. tb rip Tall-T. Love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Didactic

Issue : People : Frank

 

Knockout City is a game about rhythm based games.

The padawans accuse me of big fishin' a lot. Not big fishin' like the websters way, big fishin' like in the movie where that guys dad was supposedly cappin' all the time. Rude little goblins. But It's no big deal, they only know what they know, and it took years of travel for me to realize that normal in California is absolutely, positively, for-daggon-sure, not normal all around the equator.  

I also understand because I was a 1:1 version of their thought process when it comes to my OG's. See, in California you grow up working for these promoters, producers, and performers who look virtually indistinguishable from any garden variety middle class schlub. But then you find out this guys mom ran the Vans Warped Tour, or the dude down the street has an Oscar for sound engineering, or you walk into a room with them only to have an art legend punch them in the face over a 50$ debt from the 70's.

Any you be like, "Why is nobody making more of a big deal of this!? What the Frak is going on!?" And you ask that question until the day you reach middle age and realize the clear, salient, sobering truth.

 Listen: "Nobody is making a big deal about it, because nobody gives a fuck. Not even them."

That last line would never compute to 15 year old me, 25 year old me, and 32 year old me would have challenged it. But 40 year old me feels it in the pit of my bones. We've collectively decided that money, fame, and connections mean something, but that only goes so far.

After reading those past accomplishment examples above most people instantly thought, "Well those people are rich and from a good area." Because that's how we are programmed to think about fame. "They" have to live up on the hill or nothing makes sense. 

"They" aren't you, but "you" can become "Them." Nope, in Cali "they" are the people that live check to check just like everyone else, and reputation is the monetæ de terra, even for the folks at the top of Weidlake drive. 

I say all of that to say I see a lot of young Twitch folks finding themselves in hollywood rooms and feeling like the old guard aren't taking them seriously. 

I'll help you out and say It's definitely not jealousy that you headlined Virtual Coachella this year. And why would you think that? Video might indeed kill the radio star, but it's your attitude that'll pen your eulogy.  The fix is ez, be a good person. Trust me, it's a blue chip, long term investment. Regardless of platform.

But I say that to say I am cappin' and have been all these years. I never done nothing and I don't know nobody, which is why that stock photo is the only pic of me on the internet. Also stop making fun of me for still being Ultra Silver it's a respectable rank and I can't play one game all the time like you fetuses.

Also rip tb rip tc rip tall-t. Love is wise hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : Taradiddle

Issue : Games : Exhilarate

 

Hood: Outlaws & Legends is a game about reference points.

A extra medium time ago I was a platform test engineer for a video game digital delivery portal. At the time, Steam was king of the castle, but the company I worked for decided to try to create a digital market for their own wares because not everyone likes to shop at grocery stores. Sometimes people want to buy produce, toiletries, and hypertech in some dudes sketchy garage. It's a vibe. 

Who knows, that sketchy garage might just be Wal-Mart later. It happens that way in movies, so its true.

Anyway, I worked for a whole genius, well, a Giants fan. But besides that, a sharp cookie. He hired me because we were both self taught assholes that refused to acknowledge their place. The digital delivery project was his punishment for telling the CEO not to do a digital delivery project. The digital delivery project was my punishment for going over my bosses head to call out a show stopping issue.

My old boss walked into my new bosses office to let him know that he was firing me for insubordination, and my new boss hired me on the spot to head up project communication. My old bosses game was the first title going up on the launcher. That wasn't the catalyst for the whole building hating me, but it sure wasn't the cure.

One day during SCRUM our team was having a good time describing all the ways our project was going to fail miserably and after a good belly laugh my boss said that at the end of the day all first party digital delivery systems were exercises in planned obsolescence because sooner or later one of these greedy man-child video game CEO's were going to think they are big enough to slap box with god and sue Google or Apple. I was like, "Yeah right old man."

Boy. Was. I. Wrong.

I felt like he was talking about Gabe. I would have never in a million years bet that today Gabe would be a lowkey tech hero doing beachfit press junkets in NZ high schools, and Tim "The Unreal Guy" Sweeney of all people would be drunk enough on Fortnight hubris to sue both entities, thereby ushering in video game ragnarok.

Anyway, I told that story cause I don't know how to directly answer a question without some long ass allegory, but what I do know for sure is that doing what you consider the right thing is the right thing.  Shouts to info, and please stay safe. No punchline.Rip tb Rip TC rip Tall-T. Love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape :  Issue : People : Homonyms

Issue : People : Faustian

 

Power Rangers: Battle For the Grid is a game about crossups.

While watching the eulogy to irony that is the new Mortal Kombat movie, all I could think was that I'll never understand the fighting game communities monastic dedication to having its players die poor in a ditch.  

Five days a week the mantra is "Get to the bag by any means necessary." Then the bag miraculously appears and all it takes to fumble the bag is a bit of weaponised morality and "A quick google search" that has become such a ubiquitous idiot mask off phrase that the fact it still often appears in the same sentence as research would be appalling if not so consistent.

Pulling out of this event won't hurt NRS, it won't hurt the TO, it won't hurt game sales. The only people it could possibly hurt is Dominique, Arslan, and the content creators. We will ignore the hypocrisy of loot boxes targeting children, Genshin Impact gatcha or Draftkings on the NBA court, because it's cheap whataboutism, and the punish for saying that is to be reminded that the CEO's of those companies aren't, "criminals." Ok. 

But what I will do is remind you that this pivot to "vision" and "professionalism" is interesting when your video game genre is based on the tentpole functionality of illegal street fighting, is famous for this, and when Sen. Joseph Lieberman tried to cancel you, the only people carrying your banner were the people who set up camp around this event that you are now abandoning for the moral high ground without the dignity of a heads up. Shameful.   

And for the people keeping track, this part of the gentrification critical path is called stage setting. It's where you crouch sweep competing bidders using fear monger narratives, when in reality your first angel investor was literally satan. Look into early 2000's real estate in Brooklyn, NY for more info.

We all just want a chance to make a living doing what we love. Please meet us halfway, or we will do it the other way.   

Anyway, the MK movie is shit. There are no less than 1,000,000 MK characters to choose from, and they decide to just make someone up for the movie because it "feels right." That is what I'm talking about, right there. Habitual bag droppers. Double anyway, rip TB rip TC rip Tall-T. Love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs. 

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : Herald

Issue : People : Discomfit

 

Rounds is a game about humble beginnings.

Ok I'm sorry you jackasses, was nobody going to tell me about bidets and what they do to a person's quality of life?! I used one for the first time at a fancy place (like one of those places with no metal detectors and people park your car for you) and... dear god... I've spent over half my life biblically unclean. Verified.

I'm sure I've seen a bidet before in my travels but I'm American so of course I assumed an inverted spigot in a toilet meant that people from other countries drank from the toilet. What other conclusion could I glean given the evidence? But I let it go because I refuse to judge those heathens, no disrespect.

My life has been defined by coming to grips with the doo-doo status quo and the Machiavellian agenda of big paper. When introduced to baby wipes I said to myself, "Well, it can't get any better than this." Yes it can fool, and America has dammed me to years of mud butt simply to line Charmin's coffers. Two spritz of a bidet and I'm twerkin' on a cloud. I can't go back, I won't.

Listen, whatever the fuck else we were doing here, saving the internet, saving the world, saving ourselves, it's over. Done. Now we are all about getting a bidet installed in every home in the 50 States like yesterday. The whole world has been using these things forever, what the hot steaming fuck have we been spending our infrastructure money on oh military ah shit right. 

Is this pivot selfish? Yes, will it bring the U.S.A. lasting peace and usher in a new age of compassion and cooperation. Yes. I believe that. That's it, that's the whole post. And if you hate on this post without having actually used a bidet then you are a lost n!@# and I can't save you. Sorry for cursing, I'm fired up.

Shouts to information. From ~1k concurrent to king of Twitch in one long campaign. Wasn't me, was the kids. And please never imply a producer does anything ever again. It's rude. rip tb rip tc rip tall-t. Love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobz.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : Spritz  

Issue : People : Reputation

 

Dorfromantik is a game about biome-maintenance.

It's interesting to watch the kids finally discover defiance. Screaming "Ok Boomer!" at the top of their lungs while haranguing their grandparents about ruining everything via Instagram story. Meanwhile, my generation sighs and tells them "Guys, we already tried all of that during the 90's. They don't care. But let's you and I leave this place better for your kids' kids." 

To which they respond, "What?! You are a boomer too!"

And we respond, "Ah, ok. Well fuck you both."

It took me a while, but I finally get why "The Greatest Generation (TM)" can sleep so well at night. Must be nice to not have been born into a consensus of replicated, shared, and synchronized digital data geographically spread across multiple sites, countries, or institutions. Must be nice to know the mistakes of your youth will die with you, even though the consequences wont. 

Not that my generation has room to talk. Our nuclear mistake is cultural, and it's half life is longer. The citizens of 2061 are gonna want answers as to how 2000-2020 managed to fuck the internet up so bad, and they won't be asking Bill, Steve, Mark, or Jack. It will be the ones on the digital ledger, the mid-level architects, engineers, producers, marketers, and directors, in the gallows. People like me. 

And you know what our reply will be? "We did the best we could," basically. And honestly, we didn't. Only difference between us and the other generation is fidelity of evidence. We sat there knowing better, and let it happen, because, reasons. 

Well, that's not true for everyone. I generally avoid names in this thing, but Timnit Gebru does better then the best she can, and there is no time in human history where we all shouldn't fix her a plate at the cookout. A hero in real time.

Anyway, shouts to information. Rip Tb Rip Tc Rip Tall-T. Love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : Contact  

Issue : Games : Cannibalize

 

FOOTSIES is a game about developing a neutral game.

With so many sliding into my dm's to find out what I think about "Sony" buying EVO I will eschew my Punxsutawney Phil style of posting to directly respond to the question here and get it out of the way.

"I wish Riot games luck with this strat."

Let me explain, Sony buying EVO is calm, it's fine. Sony has actually been in bed with EVO since a bit after it was a small thing in Folsom called "Battle of the Bay." The only people facing an existential crisis over Sony's involvement are other game companies with fighting games. That awkward moment when your opp becomes your boss. Except for Nintendo, their game is infested with child molestors (come on, we gotta talk about it at some point), for them, this is the way out.

The real news here is the other new owner of EVO, "RTS." Don't bother looking RTS up, it doesn't actually exist outside of name. It's simply a shell company for a talent agency called "Endeavor," which is also a shell company for William-Morris, the biggest talent agency in Hollywood.

Ok, so why would a Hollywood agency buy stock in the poorest, grimiest, most ratchet corner of gaming? Surely there are more lucrative options than the hive of scum and villainy that is the FGC. Fortnite prints money, so does League of Legends, why not invest in those. That's the thing tho, they just did.

You won't find this news in the news but "RTS" also has a major stake in Riot games (peep the oh so subtle hint in the acronym of "RTS,") who also just so happen to have a fighting game in development. 

And it's all happening to solve the problem all dare not speak: 

That gaming is segregated.  

One side refers to themselves as the "PC Master Race" the other is openly referred to as "Ghetto Games." Any game that tries to put a group of people who enjoy saying racist things in a room with people who enjoy beating up people who say racist things is DOA, in more ways than one. So what do? 

Well, if you have enough money you buy the largest event you can find, control the narrative by announcing you are "cleaning it up" by kicking out the "undesirables," and throwing money at those you decide are valuable to preform and keep the others in line. Old school gentrification, with a 21'st century digital twist. Same old playbook. Yawn. 

But this is the important part to remember, these corps are bad guys, but not "the" bad guy. This is all happening because "Mr. Wizard" misused his power to prey on children, and lost his land. This cancer of abuse in the community is the "bad guy," and will be until it's gone. If this development helps, i'm more than ok with it. Fuck the old ways.  

Anyway, that's my two-bits, now leave me alone. And yes I know you think it's all tin foil bullshit but it's been ten years of you being confidently wrong yet here we are, so help me help you understand it's not about you and I'm not Bagger Vance. Rip TB Rip TC Rip Tall-T. Love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Oaklandish 

Issue : People : Oblivion

 

Loop Hero is a game about sisyphean theme parks.

Being born and raised in California doesn't make you immune to fame but it sure as shit makes you highly fame resistant. We have a saying; "For every writer is born an editor, for every actor a producer, for every musician a roadie."

Talent are big dumb children that exist in a curated reality, and entire armies are sacrificed daily to protect this status quo. I say this as a lifelong soldier in this cause. I was born into the entertainer support caste and will serve faithfully until I pass on to the afterparty.

I do this because as shitty as these people can be, the puzzle comes together when these people take the stage and do what they were born to do, but the puzzle is configured in three stages. With stage one and stage three being the most dangerous.

Stage one is pre-event, where natural predators of fame, the wealthy and the covetous, hunt. Wealthy people are people who attained money through power or power through business/inheritance and have all of the entitlements of fame with none of the talent. 

To the fan, the famous are gods, to the wealthy, the famous are trading cards, golden geese, and sometimes toys. In their world social currency means nothing and they get away with actual murder regularly and brazenly, so ending some actor or workers career over perceived disrespect is simply a light lunch. They are monsters and their children are worse. Best way to win is to not play.

The covetous are people that aspire to fame and think it a zero sum game so they reflexively attack celebrities' every action as if taking down celebs gives them power like some kind of sad highlander tournament. Back in the day they were all just annoying, but social media has crowned them all King Joffrey. Like baby turtles, most talent don't make it past stage one because they get eaten by these predators.

Stage three is post-event, where the talent has unleashed their superpower and basks in the afterglow. Fun fact, when talent are drunk on love they become radioactive, and never want to go home. Any producer worth their salt dips fast as possible because this is when the famous are at peak mania/depression and will literally entertain anything that continues to fill that quickly expanding hole inside of them. Most talent don't make it past stage three because they eat themselves.

So back to stage two, the event. The marketing worked, the venue owner isn't trippin', the talent is sober enough to perform, and the tech turns on. Backstage you watch as the talent steps on stage and changes a whole rooms vibe. And like I said, it all just comes together.

Then, a week later you are sitting in a Palo Alto Denny's listening to that talent ramble some half baked quaalude laced vanity project off a napkin and treating every word like we in this together when you ain't been paid yet and you remember, "Oh right, they a fuckin' idiot."

Anyway, I say all that to say thanks to the digital gold rush a whole new generation of kids are flooding in thinking they will change the ancient it and not vice-versa. Baby, that's not how this works. Get in, get your bag, get out. There is a good ending, and there are good people out here rooting for you. You got this.

Rip TB rip TC rip Tall-T. Love is wise, hatred is foolish. Get out there and do great things, we believe in you. Also Jobs.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Glukose