Default Tester

Help people get better with video games. Donate to Childs Play for karma achievements.

Great question. If I only had one video I could play it would be this.

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Issue : Games : Chaff



Monster Hunter: World is a game about Red Shirts.

As I have mentioned ad nauseam, I am a squid. A squid is a sailor. I am a redshirt squid, to be specific. I was also a boat person, which meant the boat was my life. I literally didn't have anything else going on at the time. Work was life, life was work. Such is life.

I am also a gigantic Star Trek fan, so I was well aware of the Red Shirt Theory and knew my fate clear as sunshine. I was gonna die. I realized it while we were cruising toward the middle east around October 15, 2011, 2:45 pst. The war was in full swing and my boat was fully loaded, as in, there was literally enough firepower on it to level a country. No one on the boat was sure which country would be receiving the package yet, but it was wrapped and stowed.

I was sitting six decks down in G-3 (The reinforced area near the bottom of the boat where weapons are assembled, so if they go off, the boat doesn't sink), to my left was a stack of C4, to my right was a stack of Chaff, in front of me was the live tomahawk missile I was assembling. For some reason my redshirt brother "Mr. P" decided to joke, "Man, what if all this shit just blew up right now?" Then started laughing maniacally.

The saying goes the redshirt safety manual is written in blood. As in, it's easy to trace back to where the last ordie fucked up. And for some reason at the moment, he said that and I knew what was gonna happen. So it was that same moment I decided to be somewhere else in my head at all times. Figured I signed up for a job, I took an oath to do the job, and I would do the job. Whatever happened in between wasn't up to me.

So while I waited to find out if I was gonna die or not I thought up this plan. I was really, really, into video games. Still am. The boat library had this cool service where they would fly any book you asked for to the boat. I asked them to fly in every book on video games I could find. There was also a ship Arcade with Soul Calibur and Marvel vs. Capcom arcade machines and a handful of die-hard gamers on the boat who would play every night.

I organized little money match tournaments, which turned into full-on Boat vs. squadron and Navy vs. Marine rivalries. Even a couple Officers and Seals played. It was the one place on the boat where shit talking to Officers was allowed, and the officers were so bad. Cept for this Lieutenant who had the cheapest Astaroth I have ever seen. He won so much money from us, it was silly. 

Turns out I didn't die. I had a super good team that took care of me and vice versa. One day my time in service was just up, sometimes you just have to decide when to hold em' and to fold em'. Not everyone made it out alive, but we did what we could.Such is life.Those who did are extensions of my family, we still talk to this day. We don't always get along, our lifestyles and political views are all over the place, but the family doesn't always have to get along to stay family.

After I got out of the Navy I decided I was going to be a video game person the rest of my life. Figuring after that experience I earned the opportunity to live exactly the life I wanted to live. One day years later I was working the graveyard shift at a gas station when I found a classified ad in the back a San Diego Reader looking for quality assurance testers for some upcoming video game. I decided to take the shot. The rest is history.

We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn't we, information? Had fun, got paid, did cool shit. No regratz. gg. Taking a moment to travel, I'll let you know when we are back at it. Don't trip, I have a plan, as usual. Also JOBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : CAD 

Blog Archive