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Great question. If I only had one video I could play it would be this.

Oh crap sorry! Extra Credits! Along with Heathcliff, I dedicate this story to the following people, in no particular order:

Ada Lovelace

Kurt Vonnegut

Bill Gates

Steve Jobs

Grace Hopper

Ray Kurzweil

Gabe Newell

Barack Obama

Michelle Obama

The Fam

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Issue : People : Diaphanous

What Remains of Edith Finch is a game about branching paths.

A short time ago I was a 4loco salesman. I didn't mean to be, it just happened. The story of my life. Let me back up.

So the Red Bull Air race was coming to town and of course, I wasn't getting involved with it because I didn't have to work it, there wasn't a vendor or a partner to meet, it didn't intersect any of my verticals, and I don't wear flip flops. Not my lane.

That didn't jive with my buddy who thought I was dead. She thought I was dead because I hadn't been to any of my haunts around the city in months. That happens sometimes to people like me, we just... forget to go outside.

Not because of any reason of malice. We just run across a game we really like, we get impregnated by a thought that just won't go away and have to get it on paper, or we just sleep for a month and don't notice. Sounds wild to healthy, well-adjusted human beings, but it really is a thing. Like the type of kid that leaves the house with their pants on backward and don't notice until the whole lunchroom is laughing at them. Wearing pant's was the victory.

Anyway, she put forth a compelling argument for my involvement which pretty much boiled down to "I won't let you not go." So I decided that I would take the choice offered to me but slid in the caveat to meet me at the corner store because I needed to pick up smokes.

When I got to the store I bumped into Ignacio by the trash bin who was throwing away copious amounts of 4Loco. I asked him why he would ever do such a horrendous thing. He said, "Because nobody buys them."

I told him that was a poor reflection on the neighborhood and not the drink, and if he would be so kind as to give me the 4Locos I would be more than happy to sell them and split the profits. I don't know why I did, the words just came out. He agreed, and my buddy pulled up to find me sitting atop almost a full pallet of 4Loco. I had every hope in that moment she deeply regretted her decision to try and be a good person.

After a short explanation cum negotiation, she relented to letting the 4Locos into the vehicle. Relenting to let me in shortly after. She asked me how I planned to get the 4Locos into the Air Race. I reminded her that our other friend is working security and I already called ahead. She asked how I convinced him to risk his job for this fools venture. I reminded her I had almost a pallet of 4Loco on my person, she didn't get it.

I started drinking the 4Locos on the way to the event so I don't remember much about the day. Couldn't tell you how I actually got the beverages in, I do remember I secured a bucket and Ice from the fine folks at Fall brewery in exchange for a handful of 4Locos. I do remember I set up shop on the tall grass with a neon orange sign that said: "4LOCO $8!!"

People couldn't get enough. They would find me, grab their friend's and come back. My bet was that college kids and hipsters (don't roll your eyes I'm too old to be a hipster, we talked about this) would take the 4Locos as a challenge and eschew the craft beer that surrounded us for the bespoke experience of tossing back the liquor equivalent of a rap album with a warning sticker on it. The bet paid off.

Later on in the day while I was partaking in an impromptu pop-lock battle because I was drunk off my ass on 4Loco and was preeety sure I had learned that skill at some time in my life I ran into a former co-worker who recognized me, then the bucket of 4Locos. He took on the look of pure sadness like he was watching a VH1 behind the music episode in real time.

He said, "Hey buddy, is everything alright? Need me to take you somewhere?" I replied, "Yeah, take me to the bank cause I'm cashing out!" I don't even know what that meant. I wanted to tell him that none of this was real. That I had a good job, I was relatively happy, and I wasn't a salesman of loose 4locos at air races. But then I thought, yeah I am. To him, I will always be whatever I am at this moment, and I can't do anything about that. Sobered me up quick.

Anyway, I made around 180 bucks for Ignacio minus my cut. He was stoked. That made the trip completely worth it. And for the record, 4loco is fuckin gross. I buried the lead.

Thank you, French information. You gave us a convincing win when we really needed it. If you can keep marching, so can I. Also, JOBS.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : Games : Gossamer

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