Default Tester

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Great question. If I only had one video I could play it would be this.

Oh crap sorry! Extra Credits! Along with Heathcliff, I dedicate this story to the following people, in no particular order:

Ada Lovelace

Kurt Vonnegut

Bill Gates

Steve Jobs

Grace Hopper

Ray Kurzweil

Gabe Newell

Barack Obama

Michelle Obama

The Fam

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Issue : Games : FlowJam and Whirl

3D animation? I guess. I don’t know. 

See here’s the thing. I had this whole dope scheme where I was going to talk about how everybody told me to pull my pants up my whole life but I never did. Now I still sag my pants and I still smoke and I still engage in willful ignorance even though I very well know better. Then I was going to say and look! My life is completely fine and pulling my pants up was never a requirement to get any of it done.

So stupid, because I look around now and most of those people aren't even here to witness my victory! the only thing here is me, and the only trophy I have is a large indentation on my butt. By that I mean over the many years where I have sagged, my lower torso and upper buttcheek have been molded by my belt. There is now two caverns there, any pants I wear settle into them after even the lightest of movement. I literally couldn't stop sagging now if I wanted to.

I thought I was fighting the good metaphorical fight, the fight against the idea that a person could not succeed in the world if they sagged, or had tattoos, or behaved like a misanthropic asshole, or smoked hella cigarettes, or refused to conform to whatever plan "The Man" had in store.

Never once did I imagine that the true battle was against time, or moreso, the ramifications of actions and decisions of my own choosing, that in no way affected another person, but that bystander still might feel obliged to say, "Hey, that's not safe." What these haters really meant was that my butt would literally be shaped by my actions, and once I crossed a certain threshold there is no going back. Some people just actually don't want you to hurt yourself.

I showed them though. I may have British teeth, an ass that looks like a medical mystery, an apology list that reads like an alcoholic anonymous amends compilation. And also I’m an alcoholic. I still showed them. I did what I did and it was what it was. And dammit, it's been fun. We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn't we Wang?

I bet nobody told ToeJam and Earl to tone it down. Those two had swag for days (See swaggiest dance above for reference). I bet there were no funkatron haters saying button it up, and they really took it to levels nobody has close to reached yet. 

I don’t know, man. I don’t even know what I am trying to say here. I would go ahead and cite a current game character or group of game characters, but they don’t have any these days. All game characters are a disembodied gun, don’t exist, or are just a setpiece of pathos-less Id that only exist to collect nick knacks or kill some equally boring walking Mcguffin in some far off place, after killing waves and waves of equally boring pieces of code along the way.

It probably sounds like it didn't really work out that well for me, but it did. It did in a way. To all the kids out there in ARPANET, just listen to whoever tells you things and do those things. That will always work out well. The struggle is real and later down the line you will either pay the consequences, or you won’t and will be happy. It’s been maybe 60% - 40% for me, bad leaning, but you are smart and will win. Don't stop anything unless you want to.

I think this whole thing was an excuse to post the Shmoney dance. I really have nothing to say at the moment. Also, congrats on figuring out it was my birthday internet sleuths. Loved all the toys, try and not get the cops involved next time ok? Also heads up, I will be phoning it in like this for a while because I'm working on something else that pays me. But if you are still hanging around you must be hoping I get better or at least more consistent at being bad, so believe in me Mr. Jones. cause I don't believe in anything. Also, JERBZ.

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