Default Tester

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Great question. If I only had one video I could play it would be this.

Oh crap sorry! Extra Credits! Along with Heathcliff, I dedicate this story to the following people, in no particular order:

Ada Lovelace

Kurt Vonnegut

Bill Gates

Steve Jobs

Grace Hopper

Ray Kurzweil

Gabe Newell

Barack Obama

Michelle Obama

The Fam

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Issue : People : Guidance

Sup. A question I get a lot is, "What is your job?" Y'all know I work in video games. Y'all know I am QA turned product marketer. I just don't think you understand what a product marketer is. I don't hold that against anyone. I mean, a person in sales obviously sells things to people directly. A person in advertising tells a person to purchase a product through audio, visual, or whatever way they can make it happen. So what room in that comfy set up is there for a marketer? Well, the fact people still ask this question is the reason marketing continues to thrive.

Marketers deal in the art of suggestion.

It's the secret war being waged somewhere between convincing someone to buy something face to face and telling someone to buy something over a loud speaker. A marketer will never ask you to buy anything. It's a marketers job to convince the consumer to buy the product they are selling, without ever directly engaging with the consumer. That's the suggestion part. A marketer figures out what a person wants, or better yet, whatever desire needs to be fulfilled for them to buy a product, and gives it to them. Wanna feel sad? Wanna feel happy? Ya horny? Want a formerly horrible thing to be a feel good thing? We got you. It's like that cup game, because ball is wherever the marketer wants it to be, or not there at all.

Another way to do it is for instance instead of telling the consumer to buy something, they will give that something to someone the consumer trusts. That someone the consumer trusts will then use that something, and act like he just thought to use it him/herself. It's a silent agreement sealed in payment, be it product or money. The consumer then turns on their thing that allows them to see other people, and they see that person they like using that something. So the next day they go out and buy that something, and now they are cool by proxy. All that persons friends see them using that something, as well as that person they like on the viewer thing using that something, and now they have to get that something. And so on and so on... Until it's time to sell another something.

There are many other ways to go about it, and there are many other disciplines. That's just the most common one. The other ways get exponentially more complicated and manipulative. And it's not just video games. It's everything.

Anyway, hope that helps clear things up a little bit _NeZt0. We are the dark magicians and puppet masters blah... blah... blah. You know what? Fuck it. I'll just get it off my chest. People's willful ignorance makes the job easy mode. People pretty much believe anything anyone presents them no matter the evidence to the contrary, if it's something they want to believe. And people want to believe E-R-E ting...

It's one of the saddest events to watch play out over and over, and the worst part is they always feel like they are making the decisions themselves, when for the most part the only decisions presented to them were fabricated by someone else. There really is no trick to this gig, and it is not as special or as clandestine as Marketing/PR wants you to think. The hardest part is your first assignment, which is not to convince someone to give you a job, but to convince them that no one else could do the job but you. Good luck.

I hope information doesn't puke in the cab at E3 this year! All y'all skrippas swing by the booth and say waddup if you are in the neighborhood. Also  JERBZ! Also thank the folks from creative heads if you see them. They are awesome for putting up with my shit, and helping everyone out. Also an extra long mixtape because I'm binge watching Orange is the new Black and can't be bothered.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Issue : Games : Watch_Dawgz

Watch_Dogs is a game about Hacking. Although you don't really hack in the game, you kind of just use your cell phone to do shit. I don't know. They talk about hacking so much. Aiden Pearce, the bland white protagonist in the game, must use the word "hack" at least a million times in the intro. And the other characters use it for every verb and noun. "We need to hack into the CtOS mainframe and de-sync the webcode parameters of the goddamn bianary switchblock." Shut the fuck up, ho. You ain't doing shit cept breaking and entering, knocking people out with a retractable baton, and reading some damn e-mails.

The game is fuckin' stupid. You can tell it was written in 2011, and updated with every popular internet shenanigan up till now. Lol-sec is popping, toss it in as Ded-sec. One percenters are hot, oops no now big government. This Edward Snowden guy is on the scene, lets call a character Smedford Broden. This game makes internet culture look more fake and contrived than the film "Hackers" did, and that shit came out in 1995.

On a modern reviewers scale, it's like, and 8 out of 10. They know it's fuckin' stupid, but if they tell the truth it's no more full page splash, or Ubisoft site takeovers. So no more money, so no more job, so 8 out of 10. I don't blame em, the game is not bad enough to get fired over, fans would think the game is getting singled out, and industry people would think the reviewer is trying to peacock or Billy Jean. It's a zero sum moral stand. I don't care. Nobody takes my opinions seriously, or expects me to behave, so I can call a turd a turd and it's all good.

I should be writing about Wolfenstien, it's better. But I don't feel like backspacing, so here we are.

Ok, so why else is it stupid. Well, it's also stupid because Aiden Pearce is not a good guy in any way. He kills people all the time, but the game wants us to care about the couple of people he lost because of his own damn decisions. Every person in the game that he kills has a family, not just him. This has to stop in video games, we have to follow the rules. Or the characters don't matter. We can never like them. Also, he is just not interesting in any way. We don't learn who he is, or what he does, or why he does it. He is the most generic and irresponsible character. There is no excuse for this anymore, Ubisoft. We met Edward Kenway, we know you can do it.

Also, it's stupid for boring, stereotypical, and downright lazy ancillary characters. Also it's stupid for complete the circuit puzzles. It's also stupid for being 60 bucks. Also it's stupid for trying to cash in on something no one quite understands yet. Also it's stupid for wasting a mechanic that gives you glimpses into peoples lives without following that thread down the path. You get the option to rob the people, but can't help them achieve their goals or alert them to a dangerous ailment if you see a clear and immediate need to. Also it's stupid for salting the earth of the premise for the next seven years, so much wasted potential.

That's about it. Other than the things I have mentioned, the game is pretty fun. I recommend you go out and buy it right now, and then buy everything else, as long as you are there. Who gives a good god damn.

I hope information hasn't succumbed to the abyss like I have, there should be at least one member of the team manning the wall at all times. Also, congrats on the gig Kbeamski. I hope the Naughty Dog team treats you nice, and you helped me more that I could ever have helped you. Also JERBZ.

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