Default Tester

Help people get better with video games. Donate to Child's Play for karma Achievements.

Join Default Tester and save the Galaxy. Service guarantees citizenship. Would you like to know more?

Great question. If I only had one video I could play it would be this.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Issue : People : G.O.A.T


Listen, a couple things are probably never gonna change about me. My breath will always smell like I just fuckin ate a shit sandwich, and washed it down with an ashtray smoothie. That's my life shit, something I gotta deal with. Also, I will probably never not be a weird shit that says weird things. It's not something I can turn off, it's not a "bit" I do. I am genuinely this awkward in life. And finally, I just don't like Final Fantasy. Don't care, gasp as much as you want. It is a shit game in the middle of shit planet, and you all are fooling yourselves.

And you ask, "but Jeromey-Rome, which version of FF do you dislike?" I don't know, pick one.

That's harsh. I'm sorry... shouts to Cloud, and Wakka. don't know why I said that. I'm just going through some stuff right now. And my stuff is I hate video games. Can't play them, they make me throw up in my already septic mouth. And I don't know why.

No wait I'm over that, I want to talk about something else.

Ok, so I wind up in a lot of conversations with people that don't play video games. That's ok, no problem there, but they always find the need to tell me all about why they don't play games, or what they see bad about video games, or what video games could do to turn it all around. They seem to want me to defend video games, or better yet the idea of an adult's continued interaction with them.

I just want to tell them:

"Yo, I don't give a shit if you play video games. Nobody gives a shit if you play video games. I work in video games. I hate them, most days. Whatever job you have, that you hate going to, that is how it feels to be at my job, hating life. But someone has to make comic books, and toys, and video games. Children can't make them, and the adults that enjoy them don't have the time to make them. So we step up and do it, because that is what adult people do, they choose a path in life, and walk it, so that thing carries on. It's not about looking back, its about moving forward.

I am not the ambassador of video games, I am not the Al Sharpton of tech. Nobody cares if you play them, you are probably better off not playing them, ever. You are obviously too sophisticated to lower yourself to such base entertainment, also they are just a fad, like science, or the automobile. They add nothing to society whatsoever, they make your read, and make you fat. So just go ahead and wait it out, that sounds like the best idea.

But here we are in a bar, talking about video games, and you did that, so now I hate you. That's the transitive property in action."

Anyway, that's what I wan't to say, but everyone is a potential consumer, and I am a soulless dark magician, and puppet master, so I tell them to check out Goat Simulator. It's a game about the struggles of a goat trying to make it in life. That's it. And guess what, it is the best game ever made. Not even joking. It doesn't give a shit. It goes in. It'll fuckin make you cry if you let it. Games are stupid, but fun sometimes. Goat Simulator is the stupidest game ever, and fun all the time. So Goat Simulator is the best game ever.

Oh yeah, and then I whisper something in their ear, something hella deep. Then I walk away. Yup, I stay on that shit.

Anyway, crossfit is a sham. It's a goddamn fitness cult, and you all need to accept that. Niggas have been doing pull-ups for three thousand years what the fuck has made it into such a goddamn biblical revelation? I am just so angry! I need a nap or something, I am way too turnt up. And yes TF2 family, I am still alive, but life has been throwing fastballs so I'm dealing with that. We will get back to the Goonies shit in due time. Or just sort it out amonxt yourselves for now I'm not your dad. Cept for you, FIRE, I'm your dad. Also they are slow getting back to me, information. I haven't forgotten. also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape Issue v.XX Issue : Games : Peicemeal 

Blog Archive