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Great question. If I only had one video I could play it would be this.

Oh crap sorry! Extra Credits! Along with Heathcliff, I dedicate this story to the following people, in no particular order:

Ada Lovelace

Kurt Vonnegut

Bill Gates

Steve Jobs

Grace Hopper

Ray Kurzweil

Gabe Newell

Barack Obama

Michelle Obama

The Fam

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Issue : People : Heart Shaped Box

The Heartbleed Virus is a nasty bug that allows ne'er-do-wells to exploit a flaw in the OpenSSL encryption software used in pretty much every website of note in this land of milk and honey. It's been around for a few years, but I guess the right person called it out, or the wrong person got caught exploiting it, so it's famous now.

I say that not to diminish the defect, because it's legit. Anyone could be behind the curtain, making off with your credit card numbers, passwords, or pervy internet pics, and U.O.E.N.O.

Actually, let me back up. OpenSSL (that lock thingy on your address bar) is an open source implementation of the SSL and TLS protocols.

Shit, let me back up. Open source is a development model/ buzzword from the mid 2000's that promotes universal access to a products design and blueprints, in order to level the playing field. So basically you allow anyone to walk into your place, play with your toys, and build on those toys if they want.

SSL and TLS are cryptographic protocols, created to bolster web communication security. All the bullshit you send gets scrambled, and turned into a super secret key. The receiving party grabs the key on their end, everything gets unscrambled, and they interpret your bullshit. Heartbleed exploits this process by replacing the small introductory pack of data, called a "Heartbeat" with a hot shot of fake data that tells the receiving computer that the hackers computer is cool, and to go ahead and send over all of its shit.

It might seem weird that a majority of internet security protocols function in an open source environment, but don't worry, somebody hella smart made that decision. And so far it has been going great, so don't worry. Also, the Heartbleed flaw is undetectable by current standards, so... I mean... what are ya gonna do? Amirite?

Off topic, but remember all those high profile hacking incidents over the last few years? I don't know why I bring this up. I will say though that one thing QA taught me was the best way to resolve a bug that can't be fixed is to release it to the public, then it becomes a feature.

I get it, information. I'll stop making the posts all about me... Nobody cares what my breath smells like, I'm getting super boring (Wait..getting?), somehow even more pretentious and self-involved, and I will suck forever at this rate, and never go platinum. I get it... Jesus, words hurt, ya know? And stop yelling into the goddamn mic. It's not that serious! Also, everybody waiting on me for a deliverable, or a callback, or something, I'm working on it. I suck at life, can't you read? Also, ya momma. Also, JERBZ

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