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Saturday, February 4, 2012

Issue: Games: Chris LeDoux

A long time ago me and my buddy were all crossed out. We were obsessed with Kris Kross, not Christopher Cross mind you, although "Sailing" is a great song.

We noticed girls were really into Kris Kross, and hypothesized that if we dressed and acted like Kris Kross the girls would like us through the transitive property. A theory that yielded pretty good results, but also had the unfortunate downside of making us look like silly copycats to other males our age and adult people, which didn't bother us much, as they were not middle school girls, so at the time their thoughts and opinions couldn't matter less to us.

We wore our clothes backwards, grew little braids, spoke in staccato pentameter while waving our arms up and down like robots, rapped in double time here and there, that type of stuff. We would choreograph little routines in his garage all day. Our favorite was "Jump." One day we heard about a county fair talent show going on a city over that all the girls were talking about, and we instantly knew what every thing in our life had been leading up to.

The talent show was going down in a week, So we kicked the training into overdrive, jumping higher, spitting verses faster, modifying the routine to accentuate our dancing, which we thought to be our greatest strength. We were ready to go about two days before the event, the only thing we hadn't done is tell our parents we intended to enter.

They had no idea what to do with our obsession with Kris Kross. They couldn't understand how we could walk out of the house in backwards clothes, couldn't understand why little kids would talk and walk like that, they were completely in the dark.

When I told my mom where the talent show was taking place she was even more confused. She said, "baby, those people are rednecks, do you think they will... understand what you two will be doing?" I looked at her like she was from Jupiter, I couldn't understand her words, this was Kris Kross, who didn't "understand" Kriss Kross?

Anyway, we preformed and killed, people were clapping after we were done, throwing their ten gallon hats in the air and whatnot, asking to touch our hair, giving us free sloppy joe's and soda, girls were coming up to us and writing their phone numbers on our hand in pen, shit was crazy. We felt like we had made it.

Then some cowboy kid our age got on stage after us and sang some sad cowboy song by a rodeo cowboy singer guy named "Chris LeDoux." He won the competition and all the girls, we were pissed. When I went home I searched out this country singer that robbed us of our hard earned glory. Turns out he was a pretty amazing musician and dude, still a bullshit win by that kid though, what a copycat.  


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