Default Tester

Help people get better with video games. Donate to Child's Play for karma Achievements.

Join Default Tester and save the Galaxy. Service guarantees citizenship. Would you like to know more?

Great question. If I only had one video I could play it would be this.

Oh crap sorry! Extra Credits! Along with Heathcliff, I dedicate this story to the following people, in no particular order:

Ada Lovelace

Kurt Vonnegut

Bill Gates

Steve Jobs

Grace Hopper

Ray Kurzweil

Gabe Newell

Barack Obama

Michelle Obama

The Fam

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Games: Call to Duty

Libya is a country in northern Africa. Sudan is to the south, Egypt to the east, Tunisia to the west, and the Mediterranean Sea to the north. Libya's flag has three solid colors running horizontally across its length, red on top, black in the middle, green on bottom. A white crescent moon and star sit center in the black bar. Its capitol is named Tripoli, the locals pet name for the city is, "The Mermaid of the Mediterranean."

In 1969 Muammar Gaddafi was a Libyan military officer that didn't like how the government was running things, so he convinced his military buddies to take over the country with him. He assumed office September 1st, 1969. Right after his inauguration he abolished the Libyan Constitution of 1951, deciding instead to make laws up as he went along. His hobbies include wearing silly clothes, hanging out with other famous dictators, and making people that don't like him go away.

The citizens of Libya got tired of putting up with Muammar's shit on February 15, 2011. They got together in downtown Tripoli and walked around holding posters on sticks that briefly described things they didn't like about him and the shit he pulls. Muammar was confused as to why they mad. Nobody ever said bad things about him to his face, so he figured he was a pretty good dictator. He chalked it up to a miscommunication, but just to be on the safe side he ordered his military to shoot or arrest anybody that had something to say.

The bad eggs had a feeling this would happen, so the next time they got together they made sure to bring sticks, rocks, or whatever else they had laying around. But the Libyan military didn't sweat it much because they were strapped. They told the bad eggs to go home, and when it became apparent the bad eggs weren't going anywhere, the military went ahead and shot or kidnapped anybody that had something slick to say about their boss. The bad eggs in turn started tossing stuff at anybody that still liked Muammar enough to do what he told them to do.

One day both sides said fuck it and began killing each other, because talking was taking too long. And that’s been going on for a while now, but is winding down because other countries heard about what the bad eggs were going through and decided to help where they could. They always thought Muammar was a dick, but didn't feel it their place to say so until someone that lives with him said it first. The bad eggs found out where Muammar's sons were hiding with the help of their new friends and arrested them. Most of Muammar's army has stopped helping him. Mummers must have been over his family and country though, because one day he grabbed everything he could fit in his car and dipped out, but they found him later and killed him violently in the streets without a trial. But I get where he was coming from, he was running a perfectly fine dictatorship for decades, then all the sudden everybody gets their feeling hurt.

The citizens of Libya will soon own a country, which means they have options. They may decide that everybody should be able add their two cents. They could decide that gods’ decisions are better than peoples, or they could just let somebody else like Muammar clean up the mess. Nobody knows what's going to happen because Libyans haven't had to make their own decisions for a long time and may have forgotten how to take care of themselves.

A video game about Libya will happen sooner or later. It will probably be first person shooter, but video game people also have options. A deity could hover above a bustling Tripoli, laying asphalt over dirt roads and clearing rubble from downtown streets. Replacing mortar shelled husks with farms, libraries, and schools. Maybe the deity populates the homes and roads with people that enjoy doing stuff that needs to get done. It could descend parallel to its project from time to time, taping citizens on the back to ask how they are doing or how they feel about the way things are going.

Or a rebel could sneak into military compounds to gather information, ducking military and sympathizers at every turn, searching for people stolen in the night by asking questions, doing favors, and deductive reasoning. Or a high ranking Libyan officer could talk his way into Muammar's inner circle, sowing dissent through speech option castle gossip, and misdirecting troop movements while pointing the rebels in the right direction, ultimately guiding them to their prize.

But it will probably be an first person shooter. Some buff dude with a pointy beard and ray ban shades to conceal his baby blues will stroll up Shari an Nasr shooting skinny guys in hipster scarves and beige camouflage onesies. He'll befriend this local cat that knows what’s going on and where everything is, but the local gets himself killed when he runs out of ways to help the big dude. About six hours in the caricature of a gay African prince shows up during a firefight to make a big speech. Bang, Bang, Bang, two to the chest, one in the head. Problem solved.

Nowadays any video game involving a gun is first person. Developers have a hammer so designers draw nails. Nails are a popular choice for any job because they are easy to make and come in a wide selection that all do the same thing. They plunge headfirst into any surface regardless of depth, and when the job is done the hammerer can recline secure in the knowledge he muscled up a construct anyone may enjoy at face value without forcing his end user to shoulder the burden of learning why the disparately complex pieces that form its whole go together. 
Ya did good, Libyans, best of luck.  

Blog Archive