Default Tester

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Great question. If I only had one video I could play it would be this.

Oh crap sorry! Extra Credits! Along with Heathcliff, I dedicate this story to the following people, in no particular order:

Ada Lovelace

Kurt Vonnegut

Bill Gates

Steve Jobs

Grace Hopper

Ray Kurzweil

Gabe Newell

Barack Obama

Michelle Obama

The Fam

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Issue : Games : Public Service Announcment


Should I be talking about it?


Will, I?

You gotta be kidding, hell-nah playboy.

So what I will do instead is talk around it through a long winded allegory. Wanna hear it? Here it go. Just a sec let me google allegory real quick so I can be 100 percent sure it's what I've been doing... Annnd wow I lucked out ok lets go.

A long time ago I knew a killer. It's a small ship, people talk. You hang out on the smoking sponson and talk about BM Dilbert tagging two off the .50 cal. You talk in mess about that one EOD guy that disarmed six no robot in one month. You infect the next squid on watch with the story of that one bionic marine guy. "Six bodies! Not a scratch!"

The killer I knew was a story, I just happened to know this one personally. After boot we shared "A" school. We hit it off over a love of Underground hip hop, or the constant battle over what constituted Underground hip hop.

I would go for hours about Aesop Rock. He would dismiss it as esoteric garbage and under-grid this no name battle rapper called Eminem. He believed Eminem a rap messiah. I would scoff and say, "We get it, he hates his mom."  

After "A" school he went SWCC, I went my own way. We bumped into each other later on a Boat. When I found out the name of the guy that had done the things they say he did I looked up his shop and crossed decks to say hi. Sure enough it was the guy I remembered. He carried himself different, a different look in his eye, but same laugh and same dumb opinions. We were pulling into Thailand and he had some elements gathering scoped out in the city so we decided to check it out.

The venue felt like Soul Food. Writers, MC's, DJ's, Graffiti.  Kangols on heads, Apache in ears. I had on my cleanest Mark Eco (Yes, I know) and he rocked this dope windbreaker I still hate on to this day. We both didn't have watch the next day so we were dedicated to getting shitfaced. Before you know it I was in ciphers rapping with people who I literally could not understand and he is out there on the floor dusting off his five-step.

I barely remember leaving. It was a cab, it was a food cart, there were some girls. There was this moment I hear a loud angry voice, I can't understand the language, there is a moment I turn and see my friend nose to nose with an older man. My friends voice is loud, it's certain, it's gelid. "TOUCH ME AGAIN I WILL END YOU! I WILL END YOUR FAMILY!"

I look at the old man my shipmate loomed over. He was terrified. I looked at the lady my shipmate was entertaining. She was terrified. I turned to the small crowd, same. My friend turned to me with eyes I had not yet seen in a human being and said, "Can you believe this shit? Fukin Nips." And he cracks the old man clean across his face.

The military is weird: For instance, it's your job to protect everyone, but you also have to protect your shipmate, no matter what. You are not going to know what is going on all of the time, but you know that never changes. The only way I knew how to protect him at that moment was to walk up to my shipmate, put a hand on his shoulder, motion the old man away, drag my shipmate to a taxi, and take him back to the ship.

The next days we didn't talk, and later when we ran into each other it was nods and hip hop small-talk in passing. His legend grew over time, soon he became one of those whispers that spread fleet wide. I just hope he's ok.

The other reason the military is weird: we never talked about anything, ever. It was solid a rule as the protection gig. I don't regret anything about my time in, but if there is anything I truly hope has changed, it's that.

I hope information enjoys morose underlings. It's a crazy game indeed. I also hope Geoff isn't mad. I mean... heheh...c'mon at least there wasn't Doritos this time? No.. wow. It's the black thing isn't it? Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Hellbound

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Issue : Games : Vein Paraphernalia

Hideo Kojima is a video game designer, screenwriter, and producer. He has been at it for a really long time, but he is best known for the Metal Gear series. I'm not a fan, think it's self indulgent weird shit with boring game play and a silly plot. But people gobble it up and tell me I'm a hater and what the fuck do I know.

I started playing the latest Metal Gear and made it all the way up to the part where a mute naked sniper lady who is majic and soaks up water showed up. I don't know I turned it off realizing at that moment I didn't need to see anymore because it wasn't going to get any better and I had already missed the point of whatever it is Kojima was trying to say. But you should go play it because people usually like that shit.

Anyway I bring this up because Konami wouldn't allow Hideo Kojima to appear at the 2015 Video Game awards.

Who wants to go to the 2015 Video Game awards? That shit is a farce, a three thousand hour end user focused marketing circlejerk that has nothing to do with video games. Konami did him a favor. Konami definitely deserves to be there.

Psh... Hideo... That nigga made Snatcher, Zone of Enders, Penguin Adventure, and Castlevania: Lords of Shadow to name a few of his games I don't think suck. Hideo is a living legend, modern master, and a real deal video game guy. I get loyalty, but Konami was able to pimp him way too long. Hideo's award is on shelves everyday, and he is ready to open up his own shop. Fair winds.

I hope information actually read the business plan. I know I'm not stable enough to run the show yet, that's why I need you guys more than you need me. No slick talk, let's start with honesty and go from there. Also, I was saying fuck Konami before it was cool (Call me a mau-fakin hipster again I dare you!) and also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Policenauts

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Issue : Games : Rescind

A colleague got in touch to let me know that the last post has the potential to hurt my career and I should update it. Before I heard the reason for worry I thought, "Woa, I did just sort of expose the inner workings of my company. That's not cool."

Nope, it turns out the reason the post had potential to put my career in jeopardy is because I admitted to masturbation. Is that still a thing? Do people still feel like that needs to be Anne Franked? I'm serious, I had no idea! Also, I have a career! Fuckin Brilliant.

Listen, stop. If I ever took a job that required I hid my masturbation I would work there until they found out I masturbated because I told them in the break room and I would leave. It's not about being stubborn, it's about understanding what you sacrifice when you aren't honest.

The other major pain point were my thoughts on porn. Is that controversial? To have thoughts on porn? I imagine porn and masturbation go hand in hand (I'm phoning this one in, embarrassed for myself) and to speak of one without the other paints an incomplete picture.

If a person can't see the difference between what I'm doing and a person spilling their feelings about immigrants, mari-juana, or how somebody gonna catch a fade over facebook, then I feel terrible for them because they just live another kind of life. I'm more scared of losing my ability to express than I am any career.

If people in a creative medium are scared to express themselves however they choose, then I feel terrible for that creative medium. A game was recently kickstarted to address this fugue state, you should check it out.

I hope information wasn't expecting miracles, and yes I will concede the name of this and the name of that may be confusing, so I'm changing this. Happy? Also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : Issue : People : Recant

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