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Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Issue : Games : Torpid


Hi independent devs, it's about time we had a chat. This is tough, because I love you and want you to be the happy creative butterfly chasing goons you are. But this shit is something we are going to have to talk about because it's out of goddamn control. The fuckery level is too damn high, and the first step is opening the dialogue.

Ok, so I run into you all the time, and I listen, and I nod, and I listen some more to your woes.

Oh, your game didn't sell because it wasn't the right season? Alright.

Oh your game didn't sell because it wasn't featured above the fold? And your high moral fiber didn't allow you to engage in payola? Damn man, the struggle.

Oh your game didn't sell because, fukin' people are plebs that don't get your true genius? Psshh, yeah man, people and not liking shit. How dare they.

Oh wait so you are saying it did sell, but only during a steam sale where people could get it for a few bucks, which left you eating top ramen cause your game costs twenty bucks and nobody wanted to pay twenty bucks for your game because they were waiting on a Steam sale. Steam got you, bro, Gabe ain't the true lord Raul.

Listen, shut the fuck up. Your game didn't sell because it's not at a quality people not called your mom or cousins want to pay for. Your game didn't sell because it might be great but you can't market yourself or a video game. Also your game didn't sell because sometimes games don't sell.

I don't get when everybody thought they were going to be Notch but this shit has got to stop. If you are an independent developer in this day and age you are a goddamn mixtape rapper. You are outside the club telling them you got that fire. If you wan't Borderlands numbers you need a Borderlands campaign spend. Polygon block space don't buy itself.

You know who makes games? Developers. You know who sells games? Sales and Marketing. You know why no one likes sales and marketing? Because we only want to sell your game not your dream. Sucks, I know. Your game should be able to sell like hotcakes on it's own merit, because a 2'd cell shaded brawler set in WW2 Zombie Nazi Germany is hella fuckin' original.I know it sounds like I'm mad but I'm not. This is how I talk.

Hey, hey... listen. Get someone to get press for you. Get someone to leverage their connections to get you featured on every platform possible. Get someone to lobby income streams for you. Get someone that can hold a conversation with partners and public. Because hey, hey, over here, listen. You are neither an asshole or a seller of things.

Which is good, you should be proud to not be that, but also, you are selling something, and you are trying to sell it to assholes who see store places full of shovel ware and diamonds everyday. I'm talking consumer and vendor. You see those weird anime sim games with titles built in MS paint? You are doing battle with them.Think about that.

Oh, or get a pimp. Double Fine, Devolver, they are doing the publishing model right. It's not all profit robbery anymore. I know you guys like that commune shit. So circle the wagons, your commodity is more likely to get grazed if it's in a bunch, or a bundle. Oh well how do you get included in one of those bundle things? Dunno bruh, ask a marketer.

Anyway, I hope your dreams die cause mine did. All of this is just me crying about shit that ain't that serious. And you just keep making the stuff, but please get a little smarter about it is all I ask. Don't go it alone. Believe it or not, us carpetbagging asshole fart-burgers love games too, even if we like playing the industry meta game a little more.

Let our mutual self interest work for each other, because honestly you guys are making the best games around right now, but you are getting your asses kicked in an eyeball war you don't know how to fight and resent having to fight.

Anyway, Information blah blah blah. Fuck I'm so tired, can't wait till PAX is over. Also hang in there Danny, also JERBZ.

The Protoculture Mixtape : v.2495 Issue : People : Shot Me Down

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