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Saturday, September 29, 2012

Issue : Games : Arma'na Leg


So Day Z is getting ready to be released as a standalone. That is a weird place for ArmA to be in. "Hey no, no, wish you the best of luck man. We will be fine over here." Nah they will be aiight, I'm sure the guys at ArmA saw this day coming and planned accordingly. If we are to feel bad for anyone, feel for the ArmA devs still in Greek jail for taking pictures of Austerity, a.k.a where other countries will be in about seven years. Whatever happened to free (X) t-shirts? Is that only for rap?

Also, zombies, we done yet? can zombies be played out? Or is it a vampire situation where all you have to do is dress them modern or sprinkle some angst on them to make them fresh. Personally I cannot wait to meet our new feelings endowed zombie overlords. Call of Duty : Black love. No, Sarge, don't be scared of feelings, even if they bite. Kiss my taint, the puns will stop when I am emotionally stable again, they comfort me.

Speaking of Minecraft, which we always are since it appears to be defacto Kevin Bacon of the gaming world, Notch don't fux with Windows 8 and doesn't want it anywhere near Minecraft. Open revolt, nice. And against the flagging flagship of the information age. It will not end well, these things rarely do, trust me, and, it's super unnecessary, these things usually are, but a man has to have... a code. So what dude? It's Notch, he is a coder, it is so valid. Lazy writer my ass! Haha ok yeah you got me I is.

The Protoculture Mixtape v.110 Issue : People : 1Bitten_x_2Shy

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Issue : Games : LiveStops


NBA LIVE 13 is not coming out. So there is that. Was it supposed to come out? Was there an NBA something or other before this one that was supposed to happen? Man, these are hard ass questions. If I played basketball games these questions would be even more pressing. More John G's wheelhouse. I bet he has an opinion on this, or at least one worth a damn.

A press release to say a game is not coming out this year. Shouldn't Duke Nukem have had, like, a million of those press releases going out? I would have slammed so many dunks in NBA LIVE 13, it's lucky it's not coming out.

Conan O' Brien has been reviewing games recently. I'm with that. He comes at it from the perspective of a guy who doesn't know anything about games and enjoys them for what they are, also kind of resents them, but still has jokes. I am going somewhere with that, hold on.

Which one was NBA LIVE? Was it a good basketball game? It was EA's franchise right? Was it the one where you could follow players over a career and buy them houses and gold bidets and whatnot? I know it's not the one that you actually bounce a basketball to play, because that one is not called NBA LIVE. Double Dribble was fun, when is the next Double Dribble coming out?

Oh, Conan O' Brien reviewing games and Jimmy Fallon debuting games are just the tip of the iceberg. Hollywood is going to press games hard this year, from every angle imaginable, so get ready to see any celebrity that might appear to be close to interested in games, or interesting to gamers, hawking the shit out of them, if at least through the act of standing next to them. It's not just for E3 anymore. EA should make a Mutant League Basketball game. I'd play the shit outta that.

The Protoculture Mixtape v.109 Issue: People : Vicissitude 

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Issue : People : Dr. Strange - Com


The X - Com series is a bunch of games about trust issues. No, the X - Com series is a bunch of games about paranoia. No, The X - com series is a bunch of games about aliens. Or the X - com series is a bunch of games about how we don't trust each other, aliens or not, or something like that. Oh, and it is also about load-out management, and making a bunch of strategic moves in order to shoot stuff.

It's painted from the sixties palette of who is a red, wheres the nuke, standoffs, hard choices and acceptable losses. And then the aliens show up,but at the end of the day they turn out to be just another piece on the board.

X - Com, enemy unknown is out in demo form, and it's worthy of the pedigree. 2K did right by the toolbox in letting you know just what you are playing and why you will be uncomfortable playing it right out of the gate. Then they upped the others by letting you know that grid jumping can be pretty, mission hubs can be innovative, and the strategy genre can still be worth fifty bucks if done correctly.

I was saying somethin' about mining memories a few days ago, well, if you are going to do it, this is the way to go about it. There is a reason this series gave birth and direction to so many other games, to the point where if you have played X - Com from the start you can see where other games sliced elements off buffet style. Also, China can wait, go for the scientists. Sorry ATM Sonic, I'm just sayin'.

The Protoculture Mixtape v.108 Issue : Games : Decommission

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