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Great question. If I only had one video I could play it would be this.

Oh crap sorry! Extra Credits! Along with Heathcliff, I dedicate this story to the following people, in no particular order:

Ada Lovelace

Kurt Vonnegut

Bill Gates

Steve Jobs

Grace Hopper

Ray Kurzweil

Gabe Newell

Barack Obama

Michelle Obama

The Fam

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Issue: People: Duke Nukem

Duke Nukem is an old video game character that got started a long time ago, sometime around the 90's. He has big muscles, smokes a cigar, wears wife beater t-shirts and dark sunglasses, says controversial things, and kills stuff, mostly aliens. Video game dudes back then fell all over themselves when they played Duke Nukem for the first time because everything he said and did was completely out of bounds to do in real life.

In the game the player could make Duke take a piss in urinals, cops were portrayed as pigs, and they could make him put money into strippers underwear, stuff like that. Most times after he killed something he would say a witty comment. For instance, if he killed an alien pig cop he would say, "Bacon is served!" Or if he shot a stripper he would say, "Shut up bitch," or something, it was a long time ago and I forgot exactly what he would say, but it was always something fucked up like that.

Duke got a lot of attention because adults thought the games were too violent or misogynistic for kids to be playing, and for the most part only little kids and teenagers were playing video games back then. But as is the rule anything parents do not like becomes holy to young adults, and Duke Nukem was no exception. People rallied against politicians that tried to censor him, and his titles were waited upon with baited breath. Then one day the titles just stopped coming. As time passed the legend of Duke Nukem grew, with the absence of a new title only cementing the legacy. There was always this lingering rumor that a game called "Duke Nukem Forever" was on the way, but it took so long to come out that people began to openly question if it existed, and then one day it came out.

Everybody hated the game when it came out. I don't really get why, it's the same damn game from 1991, only thing different is the graphics. It's loud, it's controversial, Duke shoots stuff, mostly aliens. I had fun. I think people just got disappointed because they had no idea what they were waiting on, as in, the game didn't change, they did. In the 90's everything that Duke would say or do was just some far out shit that you would never see on TV or in normal life. These days everything he says is pretty much said and done all the time by everybody that wants attention, and every video game. Duke was just late to the party.

The latest Batman game said "bitch" more times than Duke's new game did, and the standard in most games now is the ability to "Execute" anybody you want through quick time event, doesn't really matter why, and the hero don't say any thing witty, just one snake going up an enemies butthole, another going in through the mouth, then they burst out through a boob or any orifice still semi intact holding hands. The company that made the new Duke fell for the oldest trick in the human book, trying to deliver people a feeling from the past as a physical thing you can interact with.

Motherfuckers will talk your ear off about a pastrami sammich they had 15 years ago in Chicago, and about how they don't make em' like that anymore, and what they would do to that sammich if it was in front of them right now. But even if you build a time machine, went back to the same deli, bought the same sammich cut from the same meat and bread and whatnot, came back to present day, and showed them time stamped video of how you came into possession of the sammich, they would take one bite and say "Hmmm, I dunno, doesn't taste the same..." Yeah cause it's not. Eh, such is life.

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